etherealbliss Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 I met a guy online about a month ago but we were both travelling over the last few weeks and came back last Wed so we didn't get to meet right away. During our time apart we initiated contact 50/50 and exchanged a few texts a day. It was mostly lighthearted and playful texts. The day before he was back he asked to meet on Friday (2 days after) and I said yes. We met yesterday and the date seemed to have gone well. He took me to dinner and then after asked if I wanted to see a movie and I said yes. The conversation was quite smooth and we were both smiling a lot and leaning towards each other. The only thing is during the date and movie and even goodbye there was no physical contact really. The next day after our date I sent him a text thanking him for the great evening and that I really enjoyed meeting him in person and hope that we can get together sometime. He responded by saying"You're welcome, It was very nice meeting you too. You are gorgeous and I yes i'd like you take you out again" I responded by thanking him for his compliment and giving him one in return. That was this morning and I don't intend to initiate contact again. He didn't really set a date or expectation for the second date in his text. He is not one to be in touch constantly either. He is successful, sweet, absolutely gorgeous and the cutest Australian accent. He also doesn't seem like the type that chases girl. My guess is he is most likely very popular with the ladies and he definitely has captured my interest as well. I really want to see him again and I'm so intrigued by him like no one else before. He has this air or mystery about him. My question is does it seem like he is interested or he's just being polite? Should I now wait for him to contact me or should I keep in touch every couple of days or so if he doesn't? How can I score that second date with a guy who isn't too much into chasing? Thanks
leafguy Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 This is where I would say make the effort of initiating. Guys like to be chased too when a girl is into them. It works both ways despite what society says...
Author etherealbliss Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 This is where I would say make the effort of initiating. Guys like to be chased too when a girl is into them. It works both ways despite what society says... He didn't contact me after the date I initiated by sending him the first text and saying I'd like to see him again. Also he only initiates about 50% of communication and not more than once a day or every couple of days so far. Should I still initiate more? I don't want to seem like i'm chasing him or desperate and turn him off. Where do I draw the line? Thank you
HereNorThere Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 I usually follow a tit-for-tat rule when I'm texting someone new. It's definitely okay to initiate but if they don't reply you only get two more text after that until you stop texting them. Seems silly but it's common in the online dating world. It sounds like he really does genuinely like you, but don't be a rookie and hand over all your power at the very beginning. Being too available is unattractive to most people even if some of it is subconcious. Control you giggly inner schoolgirl!
carhill Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 He suggested he'd like to take you out again and you expressed your agreement. If your style is a man who likes to take you out asks you out, stick to your style. Also, continue to entertain and enjoy the company of other men. A compatible man who compliments your style may emerge. These things have a way of working themselves out. 1
mortensorchid Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 If you have not heard from him within the first 24-48 hours after the first get together, you will not hear from him again 90%. If you do hear from him at all any later after that, you may have a second get together with him, but he doesn't really care if you say yes or no to the second request. After that second get together, you won't hear from him again, or he'll just be a friend. Harsh? Yes, but human behaviors are simple and to the point. A man who is interested will contact a woman initially, if he doesn't, he's not that interested.
Author etherealbliss Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 He suggested he'd like to take you out again and you expressed your agreement. If your style is a man who likes to take you out asks you out, stick to your style. Also, continue to entertain and enjoy the company of other men. A compatible man who compliments your style may emerge. These things have a way of working themselves out. Yes you're right his style is different than what i'm use to or prefer and I normally wouldn't compromise on that but I realllllllllly like this guy so i'm motivated to sacrifice a little. I just want to make sure I don't screw up or misread his signals..
Author etherealbliss Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 If you have not heard from him within the first 24-48 hours after the first get together, you will not hear from him again 90%. If you do hear from him at all any later after that, you may have a second get together with him, but he doesn't really care if you say yes or no to the second request. After that second get together, you won't hear from him again, or he'll just be a friend. Harsh? Yes, but human behaviors are simple and to the point. A man who is interested will contact a woman initially, if he doesn't, he's not that interested. So in this case I didn't wait for him and text him the next morning (we got home at 2am so I waited till 10 am to text)... does the 48 hours start now? since I didn't wait to see if he'd contact?
carhill Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 It's OK to really like someone. Happens a lot in life. Let's get to at least the second date before marrying him and having his kids though, OK? Dates happen because both parties want them to happen and they flow. If the timing is off, even a little bit, on that flow, miss. It can't be forced. It either flows or it doesn't. You can't make him like you or date you. He has to want that in his way the same as you in your way. If the ways meet, you date. If they miss, not. 2
Author etherealbliss Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 I cannot figure out if he likes me or not.. I sent him a funny meme last night which lead us to have a brief back and forth conversation over text for a while. He seems very friendly and references to us meeting but nothing solid. Then since last night no contact from either of us. This frustrates me because I don't know if it's my fault that he's not dying to see me again soon or initiate contact. I wonder if what others do that get the guy chase after them and ask for a second date right away. What am I doing wrong? Am I expecting too much by wanting him to contact me everyday and pursue me? Are some guys like this or he's just losing interest?
preraph Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 You're getting ahead of yourself and if you don't stop texting him, you're going to run him off because it's too soon for you to be that wound up and it looks desperate. Stop unless he initiates. He knows where to find you if he wants to. Don't set yourself up to be his "sure thing" after he's struck out elsewhere by acting like you'll be there no matter what. Let him do the work on this one.
smackie9 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 IMO if he doesn't make an effort when I make an effort, then there is not enough interest for my expectations. I like to be physical on a first date with someone I really want to see again, like holding hands, touching, a good bye kiss. This guy didn't even touch you.....to me that's a fail.....and I think you are feeling the same way, that's why you are here.
Author etherealbliss Posted January 18, 2016 Author Posted January 18, 2016 Ok he called me and we talked for an hour and he asked to see me this Wed. Phew.. Thank you for your advice everyone.. I know I get a bit too wrapped up and make it more complicated than it needs to be..
Author etherealbliss Posted January 18, 2016 Author Posted January 18, 2016 IMO if he doesn't make an effort when I make an effort, then there is not enough interest for my expectations. I like to be physical on a first date with someone I really want to see again, like holding hands, touching, a good bye kiss. This guy didn't even touch you.....to me that's a fail.....and I think you are feeling the same way, that's why you are here. Well he did hug me when we met but you're right the end was kind of weird where he didn't even give me a hug. I'm going to keep my eyes open on this one because I don't want to set up a dynamic where i'd have to initiate everything.. I think men should take the initiative at least in the begining
Terry8889 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 You're being too intense too soon and that might come off as desperate and guys hate that in fact we all hate that. You're expectations with the guy are way too high for just a date, hold you're horses and take things easy. Let him chase you a bit if he is really interested he will show it. If not accept it and move on to the next one.
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