Jack1234 Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 If you’re interested in more details, please read the full explanation below this paragraph summary: My ex broke up with me back in October when I visited her. She told me it was because she wanted to settle down and have kids, ran into her ex and felt like he was the guy to do it with. This was painful and I did not handle it well, ending with some pretty mean words. Over the weeks, I sent her gifts and nice messages until she finally said she forgave me. We increasingly texted and talked on the phone, to the point where I sent her a nice message every day. She then revealed to me her ex no longer wanted a relationship with her, and she was very sad. I was there for her, but when I asked if I could visit her this month on my way to school she said she was not ready. I then told her that we should take a month of not speaking so that we could heal. She coldly agreed, but sent me a text a week later wishing me well in school. I responded with some emoticons, but that was it. If you read further, you’ll probably realize the situation is pretty messed up for both sides, but I love her and am ready to settle down with her. I was thinking of not contacting her for an additional month, this time not telling her and not responding if she reaches out to me. Is that a good idea? On the one hand I’m motivated to win her back, but on the other I also want to get over her so that I can view her rationally. Any advice/similar experiences would be extremely helpful. We met in a short-term commune and spent an incredible month together. She’s 38 and I’m 27, but we just clicked on all levels. I didn’t kiss her till the day she left, but it was passionate and we both knew we’d see each other again. I was madly in love with her, and for the first time in my life I felt like I was ready to commit. A mutual friend that she drove back home with came back 4 days later, and told me that she had sex the night she arrived home with a guy I’d later find out is her ex. This made me jump back, but my heart still yearned for her. She visited me a week later, and before we became intimate she asked me if I would hurt her. I assured her no, and we had a passionate weekend. I did not bring up her sleeping with another guy. We talked on the phone all the time after. The conversations rarely became dull. She wanted me to come visit her at her lake house, and although I wanted to I couldn’t because of work. However, I was able to squeeze in a one night beach trip with some mutual friends (3 hours away as opposed to 18), and this made her extremely jealous. We fought a lot, and I ended up getting drunk and having a three way that night, one of the girls being a mutual friend. I didn’t tell her of course, and several days later we agreed to meet at my family cabin. It was bumpy at times, but we got along really well for the most part and shared some incredibly romantic moments. However, one night she kept accusing me of seeing other girls. That’s when I finally called her out on sleeping with that guy. She gushed into tears, saying she was really drunk and confused since she had just returned home. She apologized profusely, and I accepted it. After she left, I went back to the commune and was not as attentive to her as I should have been. Still, we made plans for me to visit her, and the whole time she kept telling me how excited she was, even the day of my flight. But when I arrived, I could tell something was wrong. The next night, she asked if we could just be friends. Her reasoning was that she didn’t want to be someone’s f*** buddy. She ran into her ex, and it made her realize that she wanted to settle down with the one and have children. At first I handled myself very well. We even made out after and cuddled. When we went to bed, she then cried out that he was going to break her heart. I got up and slept on the couch. The rest of the trip was awkward, even though she kissed me several times. She made me feel so small at times, and being stranded at her house made me incredibly frustrated. The last day I couldn’t bare it anymore. I told her about the beach and I claimed I never loved her. She tried to play it cool, but I could see the hurt in her eyes. She left her own house shortly after, and I haven’t seen her since. A week goes by and I feel guilty, so I send her flowers. I try calling her, sending her letters with gifts, but nothing. I finally send her a simple text, and she responds saying she forgives me. We slowly start talking again, and I find out that this guy was her ex, and that she started seeing him after I left. However, she’s sad because he won’t commit to her. I then took on the role of emotional support. I’d give her pep talks and send her a sweet text every day. At one point she told me she has never heard such nice words before, and that I’d never know how much they meant to her. About to go to school, I asked her if I could see her on my way down. After dancing around the request, she finally admitted she wasn’t ready to see me, but that she’d visit me later in the semester. I then told her if that’s the case, then we probably shouldn’t be talking for a while, so I suggested we don’t talk at all in January. She said as you wish, and then turned her phone off. A week later she messages me good luck beginning school, and I responded several hours later with some emoticons. I haven’t talked to her since then, don’t plan on it at least until January is over and am contemplating no contact for February without telling her. It’s so messed up what’s going through my mind. A part of me hates her because I think she was just using me the whole time. Another part feels stupid and guilty because at one point she really did love me, and I failed to be mature and devoted enough to her. One part wants to hold her in my arms again, the other wants to completely forget about her. We were such an incredible partnership in our little bubble, but once distance set in everything became tumultuous. I want to see her at least one more time, just to see if romance is sparked again between the two of us. Please tell me how I should go about this so that she’ll still want to visit me.
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