nightshift Posted January 16, 2016 Posted January 16, 2016 I apologize in advance if this is a bit long, but it's a long and complicated story. So, 3 years ago I was stuck in a bad relationship with a live in girlfriend of over 4 years that I was trying to get out of. At that time, a female co-worker was dropping not-so-subtle clues that she was interested. She's about 9 years older than me and was a recent divorcee. I was somewhat attracted to her, but not overly interested. However, one night after a huge fight with my ex in which I told her I wanted out, I ended up texting this woman, then went to her house and spent the night. We fooled around but didn't have sex. That began a long, nasty breakup with my ex. During this time, I continued my fling with this woman. We began having sex right away, and she told me that she just wanted to be FWB's, but it became clear soon after that she wanted more. I was sexually attracted to this woman, but found many aspects of her personality kind of annoying, to be honest. Also, I was dealing with an emotionally unstable ex who wasn't going quietly, to say the least, and who even attempted suicide during this time. For those reasons, I started fading out on this woman. She would do things like follow me home from work, texting me saying that she was having such a hard time without me there with her, etc. I think she had at least somewhat fallen in love with me. About a month later, just as I think she'd given up, I drunk texted her one night. She was excited to hear from me and we went out the next night but my heart just wasn't into it. When we got back to her place, I think she sensed it and things were awkward. The next day, she'd told me that she'd been unable to keep her hands off me the night before but that she felt like we'd had our fun and it was time to move on. I think she was being courted by a guy her age at that time and saw something more stable with him. I was fine with that; I just wanted to be single for a while. The only other thing that happened after that was a couple of months later, she sent me some suggestive texts one night while out with co-workers. The next day, she texted me back and said that she was embarrassed and had a boyfriend now who was there while she was doing it and to please disregard those texts. I told her not to worry about it and I wouldn't say anything. She ended up on a different shift soon after and we remained on completely friendly terms. Otherwise, I barely gave her another thought. So, fast forward three years, and we end up on the same shift again. At first, no big deal. In fact, even though I liked her as a person, I still found her kind of annoying at times. Once in a while, I'd get an inkling that she maybe still had something for me, like once she mentioned that she was going down to Mexico. I told her that I'd never been, and she said "Well maybe you should come with me." Or asking me if she could call me to walk her dog in a pinch (before when she was after me she'd always try to get me to come over under the guise of helping her move something, etc.) But, it's possible that I just read too much into those times. However, maybe about 3 months ago when she walked into work, something about her just caught my eye. I began feeling kind of physically attracted to her again after that, but didn't think much of it and just chalked it up to a little leftover sexual energy. However, a bit later, I began to notice some actual romantic feelings start to well up in me. I remember seeing her walk in one night after she'd been off for a few days. I realized then that I'd missed her and was happy to see her. We made a couple of teasing remarks back and forth and she responded with "Don't make me hug you!" I don't think she meant anything by that, but that really got the ball rolling. I just dismissed it as a dumb crush at first but eventually the crush became a strong infatuation and the infatuation gave way to painful lovesickness that I could no longer ignore. I began to realize that the things I used to find annoying about her I now found really cute and endearing and I began to kick myself hard for letting her go all those years ago. I decided to test the waters and see if she may have any interest in rekindling things. I messaged her on Facebook about a month ago and just told her that I wanted her to know that I regretted not trying harder with her back in the day. She messaged me back "I appreciate your saying that. We were both in transition at that time so I think we needed it. I'm glad we can still talk and be friends." My heart kind of sank; that was a blow off. A nice one, but a blow off. But I decided to be more direct with her and a couple of days later messaged her again and told her that being around her was stirring up old feelings in me. I told her that I know she moved on so I was going to try to interact with her a little less just to get over it and not to take it personally if I was being standoffish. She messaged me back "OK, and I mean OK in a nice way." I messaged back thanking her for being understanding and she messaged back "I get it. It will be OK. I want you to be happy. For right now I'm still struggling with seeing (her on and off boyfriend who she's been with since we split up) and for now have to see it through." After that, I thought "OK, I've been officially blown off twice now. Time to leave it alone and try to get over her and move on to something else." After that, at work things were awkward for like a day, but we were soon talking like before. If anything, she was a little more friendly. However, maybe a couple of weeks ago, she came into my work area under the guise of needing something that I don't think she really needed. She acted sort of odd and just muttered "sorry" under her breath. Then she kind of lingered by the door like she was waiting for me to say something before she left. A little later, she came back and asked me for help with some mundane thing that I don't think she really needed help with. I helped her, and we ended up talking. We talked about how we both have home repairs to do. I told her that I really needed to paint my living room someday. She said "well, maybe we should help each other out with our home repairs. I'll paint your living room if you just cook for me." I don't know though if she really meant it or was just joking around. There have been other things but this post is already too long. So, I guess I'm just curious to hear peoples' take on this situation. I don't know if I should try or just let it go or what my next move should be. I don't want to do that thing in which you like someone so you are just desperately looking for any sign that they like you back to cling to, but it's not like this is just some random woman who I like who's never shown any interest. This is a woman who I've been with and who was once very into me, probably even in love with me, who on more than one occasion has made excuses to put herself in my space after I told her I like her. Maybe she just wants to clear the air though. I know this was long, but any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 There is another guy in the picture, so as long as they are still on and off, nothing is going to happen. If they do break up she might approach you, but I think it would be a mistake for you to make a move again. Sometimes it is ok to leave the door open, without any expectation.
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