I was desperate.

[PlasticTree]

Hi everyone, i'm new to this and i just want to share what im going through.

 

Everything was going well with this girl i was with, until i started to become possesive and selfish, and i didn't focus on what was truely important in a relationship. It had great potential, but i kept screwing up with my emotions. I took her love and care for granted.

 

So eventually, my ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago. I first wrote her a message of apology of all the things i did wrong, which got a good response initally. Then,i planned to go into a period of no contact.

However, lately i became desperate with the time and began spamming my ex, begging and pleading. I didn’t stop even when she told me to move on, and that my love was too much to handle. I continued for some while to beg her for another chance, telling her i’ve changed even thought through my actions it was clear that i didn’t. I even made some pathetic facebook posts about it, which just made things worse.

 

Then, her and her friend talked to me, telling me to stop or else things are going to get worse, i got a hold of myself finally, and ended it with a simple apology, and that i understand her reasons for the breakup.

 

I set myself light years back from even getting back in good terms with her because of my desperation.

 

I am moving on with my life but i haven't given up, but how do i ever show her that i will change, not just through words or fake promises this time, but through actions? Is there any hope at this point?

Edited January 16, 2016 by PlasticTree

[ExpatInItaly]

It's hard so say if there's any hope of reconciliation at this point. I'm thinking probably not. If she by chance does resurface, I don't think that will happen for quite a long time. She needs a period away from you to decompress and adjust to being on her own again.

 

So, make these changes for you. You know where you went wrong, so need an action plan for yourself so that you don't just repeat the same patterns over and over in the future.

 

What steps have you taken toward making positive changes?

[kyle014]

Like what expat have mentioned, make changes for yourself and not for her. I know that you've read this a million times but finding other things to keep you busy is the best way to make yourself feel better. I have been dumped before and I have pleaded for almost 3 months to only make things worse. I found new hobbies, made new friends and met with old buddies. You will eventually learn to move your focus to yourself instead of obsessing about your ex. You don't need to show or tell her that you've changed, she will notice it eventually. But know that these changes are not meant for HER but for YOU. Take this opportunity as a learning experience and use it on a new relationship or when rebuilding your relationship with your ex.

 

PS: I learned to play instruments during this time and it has greatly helped release some stress and I actually learned something of value during this phase in my life instead of stalking and sulking in a corner!

[PlasticTree]

It's hard so say if there's any hope of reconciliation at this point. I'm thinking probably not. If she by chance does resurface, I don't think that will happen for quite a long time. She needs a period away from you to decompress and adjust to being on her own again.

 

So, make these changes for you. You know where you went wrong, so need an action plan for yourself so that you don't just repeat the same patterns over and over in the future.

 

What steps have you taken toward making positive changes?

 

Thank you, yes i know i need to change for my own sake, and not for hers.

Well, lately i've been getting back into things i got interested in, like restarting to learn to play the guitar, i'll even jam with a good of friend of mine soon since he also plays music.

I just keep myself occupied with things i like to do and make me feel good.

 

But at the end of the day, there's always this empty feeling in my heart, sure i've got great people around me, but it's just not the same without her...and i can't stop thinking of what we could have had if i didn't screw up.

[PlasticTree]

Like what expat have mentioned, make changes for yourself and not for her. I know that you've read this a million times but finding other things to keep you busy is the best way to make yourself feel better. I have been dumped before and I have pleaded for almost 3 months to only make things worse. I found new hobbies, made new friends and met with old buddies. You will eventually learn to move your focus to yourself instead of obsessing about your ex. You don't need to show or tell her that you've changed, she will notice it eventually. But know that these changes are not meant for HER but for YOU. Take this opportunity as a learning experience and use it on a new relationship or when rebuilding your relationship with your ex.

 

PS: I learned to play instruments during this time and it has greatly helped release some stress and I actually learned something of value during this phase in my life instead of stalking and sulking in a corner!

 

Many people did indeed tell me this before, it's the right thing to do but i was too emotional to listen. I'm glad i'm not the only one who pleaded long after the breakup. You're right, i have to change for myself, and carry on with my life. However, i will still let the door open for her for a while.

 

That's nice I've restarted to learn an instrument too, which is the guitar. Which instrument did you learn?

[kyle014]

Many people did indeed tell me this before, it's the right thing to do but i was too emotional to listen. I'm glad i'm not the only one who pleaded long after the breakup. You're right, i have to change for myself, and carry on with my life. However, i will still let the door open for her for a while.

 

That's nice I've restarted to learn an instrument too, which is the guitar. Which instrument did you learn?

 

I learned to play the guitar and drums

 

If you get the chance to go out with friends or other girls, take it. It might not replace the "feeling" that was lost, but it will help you get distracted. Let things cool off and think before you act. The first couple months were the worst months of my life. But after you see things from a clearer perspective (without all the emotions), I promise you that you will think differently from now. Stay strong and don't do anything you'll regret in the future

[PlasticTree]

I learned to play the guitar and drums

 

If you get the chance to go out with friends or other girls, take it. It might not replace the "feeling" that was lost, but it will help you get distracted. Let things cool off and think before you act. The first couple months were the worst months of my life. But after you see things from a clearer perspective (without all the emotions), I promise you that you will think differently from now. Stay strong and don't do anything you'll regret in the future

 

Awesome i wanted to learn drums too before but there was no room for it in my place so i'll stick with guitar and bass for now

 

Yeah that's the best thing to do, thanks, you are very strong to go through all of this But do you ever still have those sudden lonely moments where you just miss that person so much?

[kyle014]

Awesome i wanted to learn drums too before but there was no room for it in my place so i'll stick with guitar and bass for now

 

Yeah that's the best thing to do, thanks, you are very strong to go through all of this But do you ever still have those sudden lonely moments where you just miss that person so much?

 

Yes, we were together for 4 years and the first 2 months were really bad. I cried whenever I remembered her and I blamed myself most of the time. However, after the 2nd month and when I was really occupied with a lot of things I was just like "oh, this life ain't so bad, I enjoy playing instruments and jamming with my friends, I enjoy talking to other girls, etc etc.). It might be longer or shorter, depends on the person and depends on your determination to improve yourself and not to rely on someone else for your own happiness. It will take time, but you'll look back and laugh at what you've been through.

[PlasticTree]

Yes, we were together for 4 years and the first 2 months were really bad. I cried whenever I remembered her and I blamed myself most of the time. However, after the 2nd month and when I was really occupied with a lot of things I was just like "oh, this life ain't so bad, I enjoy playing instruments and jamming with my friends, I enjoy talking to other girls, etc etc.). It might be longer or shorter, depends on the person and depends on your determination to improve yourself and not to rely on someone else for your own happiness. It will take time, but you'll look back and laugh at what you've been through.

 

I'm glad you got over this and are able to rely on yourself for happiness. After 4 years of a relationship with her, that really takes courage to let go.

 

For me, it might sound weird but the fact that i was only with her for 4 months made me feel even bad, that i'm not able to keep someone i love for long, the potential was there and there was so much more good things and memories we could have had but didnt.

All the time i was waiting for a true love in my life, it came finally but went away quickly. Just like in a song:"Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast"

 

Nonetheless, i hope i will find my way for good, someday soon.

[lanimi]

I'm in a similar situation. I know how it feels to mess up things before it becomes something. I dated my ex boyfriend for 5 months and as my feelings grew towards him, I was becoming more jealous and demanding more attention from him and stuff. He just had enough and let me go. It's been about a week and I'm still sad, there's not a single day I don't have to think of him just yet, but for now I'm gonna work on myself. I gotta admit I'm still hoping I c an reach out to him after some time of no contact.

 

But for now, while I'm refrain from talking to him, I got a book called "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem". I don't know if you have issue with your insecurity but I surely do and that's what ruined this relationship. I have just started reading it a few days ago but it seems great so far to help me grasp the problem and work on fixing, if you get the time I recommend you taking a look too!