Pinstripe28 Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 thanks for takin the time to read this... Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years and things havent been so great lately...weve been in a long distance relationship for a yr when he went to college, and we went to the same college, living just doors down from eachother. since our 2nd semester, our relationship has been going down hill. Our trust in eachother isnt as good as it was.. i know he does things now that i dont like him doing, such as some drugs. i let him know how i feel and thats all i can do..and yet i know he still does it. i think that i am a great girlfriend... i let him do watever he wants, he thinks really that im satisfied with our relationship, and im not. He has guy friends, i dont have any friends. so he has other people to hang out with, i don't. he doesnt treat me the way i should be treated, ive done so much for him, ive paid alot of money for him (movie tickets, gas money, food etc) but thats cuz he has no money...but when he doesnt he doenst pay ne thing for me. i always feel that i should be doing this for him, makin his life easier. he wants me to rub his back, his stomach watever...but he doesnt rub mine.... now that we are home, i dont see him everyday like i did...and its not fun, but he seems ok with it. he hangs out more with his friends than me.. and when im with him, hes still with his friends. i always drive the 20 mins to his house but he barely comes to mine... he didnt have a car last yr, but he could have asked his dad. now he has a car and has been out to see me 3 times in the past month. i want to see him everyday, i love him and i do love being with him we always have fun. But he doesnt give me what i want, even if i ask for it. i know deep down i should end it... b/c im not as happy as i was before...but then again our relationship isnt that bad... he doent cheat on me, or beat me or ne thing horrible. i dont like to talk about our relationship b/c im scared it will just get worse, break up...but i know he is just going to think that im not the best girlfriend b/c i am complaining about something...even though i know im not, its just something that has been on my mind, and we always end up fighting about it...when ever i bring up our relationship and something i dont like, or something im not happy with its, 'well what do u want me to do abt it?!' then i would tell him and he would come up with some excuse twisting it so its on me. i dont want to break up, but i know i should. i know i can do better... and i think he knows it too...when we broke up for a little bit he treated me like a princess...now its back to the way it was... i dont know what i should do... break up or talk to him either way i wont like the ending... i want something that can work out for both of us..
sweetgrlintx Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 I have been in the same situation. Eventually it got better, but I don't think it always works out that way. First and foremost, you need to be happy. If you aren't happy then something definitely needs to change. You need to talk to him and if you don't get the answers that you wanted to hear then maybe it is time to break it off (atleast for awhile.) I do not like to tell girls to break up with their boyfriends because I don't know their whole situation. But if you are unhappy then there is somebody out there who can make you happy. I don't think you are asking too much of him.... but you really should find some girlfriends. Something that might help you if you don't want to talk to him right now is to do something to get him off your mind...don't make yourself so available to him...let him be the one to contact you if he wants to go out and when he calls if you already have plans then don't break them. Make plans with friends and don't sit around waiting on him. He will come around. I don't like playing games with my boyfriend, but sometimes it helps to just give them their space, don't call, don't hang out for a short time and let them be the ones to come after you. Hope I helped.
Author Pinstripe28 Posted June 6, 2005 Author Posted June 6, 2005 thanks for the advice. i know i need girlfriends, and its hard to find them haha.. i dont like hangin out with girls, there is so much drama... and the girl friends i do have arnt the best friends... ive seen her once that ive been home. i do give him his space... i see him every 2 days, even if that. when ever i call him, hes never home and he only calls me when hes done hangin out with his friends, at 12am... i dont like it..im not happy,(After 2 years who should be first, friends or me?) soo i think i am goin to go on a break with him again... but i still like to chill with him, when i actually do, but that doesnt work out so much when we break up. ps. his group of friends arnt the best.... he kinda went to a different group b/c his old freinds would ditch him once in a while...his new friends still do, only they do some hard drugs and sit on their butt all day dealing. Ive told him i dont like those friends too
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 It may well be time to make your break. I was in a similar situation, and I let it drag out for another 2 YEARS like that, trying to convince myself that I needed this relationship, even though I was not happy in it. I had even convinced myself that 'maybe its supposed to be this way, and what makes a relationship long term is how willing you are to realize that happiness lies in how much you are willing to settle for' - which couldn't be more wrong. It sounds like he may have fallen into a similar situation - and its taking the form of taking you for granted because you happen to be there - he has turned you into a means of convenience. Sounds like the main things holding you two together is the fact that staying together is easier than breaking up. Nostalgia, fear of loneliness - definitely not something to build a future on with someone. Its time for the 'talk'. Not 'what can we do to fix this' but, 'maybe we are mutually ready to make our break'. You'll need to be prepared to put your anger aside. There is more 'unsaid' between you that is driving your relationship in this direction, than there is 'said' - and its the 'unsaid' things that you two need to hear most from each other. If you and he approach this as an opportunity to place blame, get angry, or overemotional - then those things will remain unsaid, buried under all the emotions that are driving those things. Say what you two need to and really listen to what is being said, and not what you choose to hear. Its likely some hurtful things will come out, and things you don't want to hear from each other - but it is absolutely necessary. This 'talk' will result in one of two things: a new understanding and 'reset' to the relationship, or a mutual 'goodbye'.
Recommended Posts