Ami1uwant Posted January 16, 2016 Posted January 16, 2016 Thx Sarcena, Appreciate your input with similar experience. Means a lot. How long did it take you to adjust? What ultimately became of your bf? You are way overreacting here..... It also sounds like the relationship us more stable which means tend to go with their old patterns like hanging out with friends. If her gf went through a break up--**** happens. 1
Saracena Posted January 16, 2016 Posted January 16, 2016 Thx Sarcena, Appreciate your input with similar experience. Means a lot. How long did it take you to adjust? What ultimately became of your bf? Being my first ever position after uni it was hard going for the first few months even for someone fairly resilient like me . I believe I only cancelled arrangements only once after that by which time boyfriend was OK then! Usually he offered to come round if I didn't feel like going out! He's still around!
Author leafguy Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 Thx Sarcena, She is in exactly the same position then...first job after graduating. I don't fully understand her situation, as I work locally and never had to go through it. We are meeting for dinner now, so I think we need to talk about things going forward.
HereNorThere Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 I'm not saying that there's proof she's cheating or wants to break up because there isn't. There is proof of a major change in patterns in a short period of time. In my experience that happens when someone's interest level has dropped. I get that she may be busy, but when someone has a strong attraction and interest level they'll usually go out of their way to spare the less than 10 seconds that it takes press the home button and tell Siri to text you. In any relationship the attraction levels can go up and down for each partner. It's easy to get annoyed with someone you're spending all of your time with. More mature people realize this fact and work out their issues because they genuinely want to be in a sucessful relationship, but a lot become bitter and eventually start pushing the other away. I've been on both sides of the coin with this one and it's always a little unnerving when you see it start to happen. People are usually pretty in tune with with their partners and know what's up.
Author leafguy Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 Well, went to dinner and ended up back at my place for a few hours. Things seemed to go well. She even dressed up a bit more than normal. She was definitely tired though, which she said was basically the reason this week, and apologized for leaving me hanging on friday. Beyond that, it felt normal, so good sign there. As far as talking about things, she said weekends were probably going to be realistic because of each of our week day commitments, which is fine, and we are going to aim for maybe an hour or two on a week day night. All I can really do is see how things go...could be my own insecurities too.
safir Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Well, went to dinner and ended up back at my place for a few hours. Things seemed to go well. She even dressed up a bit more than normal. She was definitely tired though, which she said was basically the reason this week, and apologized for leaving me hanging on friday. Beyond that, it felt normal, so good sign there. As far as talking about things, she said weekends were probably going to be realistic because of each of our week day commitments, which is fine, and we are going to aim for maybe an hour or two on a week day night. All I can really do is see how things go...could be my own insecurities too. There you go! Relationship is all about good and clear communication without making assumptions! I'm glad that you guys figured things out. Sometimes we all have out insecurities creep in but that shouldn't really kill our rationality and the ability to have clear communications with our significant others.
LoveIsMyReligion Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Hey man trust your gut in these situations. I've been in a similar situation on more than one occasion and the best advice I would give myself is to find other ways to occupy myself. Don't get too invested man, stay independent and find ways to be happy without her. If she sticks around good if not move along.
Gaeta Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Well, went to dinner and ended up back at my place for a few hours. Things seemed to go well. She even dressed up a bit more than normal. She was definitely tired though, which she said was basically the reason this week, and apologized for leaving me hanging on friday. Beyond that, it felt normal, so good sign there. As far as talking about things, she said weekends were probably going to be realistic because of each of our week day commitments, which is fine, and we are going to aim for maybe an hour or two on a week day night. All I can really do is see how things go...could be my own insecurities too. There you go !! Leafguy, your relationship won't always travel on the same wave. People go through phases so it's normal that their relationships will as well. Sometimes it will be you that need a little more space to rest and reconnect with friends. It's normal. I am glad you had a good time. Have trust in your connection and relationship with her.
introverted1 Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 I'm well past my first job out of school and I still find the first few weeks of a new job stressful. Or even the weeks when there are big deadlines to meet. Long days of engaging and being "on" are draining, so I completely relate to your gf's tiredness. And I have been in plenty of buildings where my phone got no service. In fact, this happens in just about any large-ish building I am in the center of (i.e., not near a window). I hate it because it means I am completely cut off. And yes, I have a reliable provider and a current smart phone. Glad you had a good night. Hope things continue to go smoothly for you.
Author leafguy Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 Thx everyone for the replies. I am far better off today than I was yesterday. I also saw the same look in her eyes that I have seen since day one, and I think that is the most security I can ever get. Everyone knows that look I think I definitely need to focus more on myself as well. I tend to forget that in these cases and also stress quite a bit about these things, sometimes with little reason too. Old habits die hard, and I have always been the type to stress in relationships...I would definitely say I am on the clingier side of the spectrum and am having my own troubles dealing with the reduced time to see her, could be a bit of a confidence thing right now too.
nerdlingZA Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Starting a new job is very stressing oh god! so she must give her bf the cold shoulder ? nonsense
Recommended Posts