sweetgrlintx Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Thanks for reading.... My boyfriend and I have been dating off an on for 4 years...the past two years have been exclusive and more serious. I'm still in college and have atleast 2 years left...and in the past it has always been noted the neither of us would get married until we were both out of college. He is not in college anymore. Anyways, over the past couple of months I have been really hurt by a couple of conversations we've had about him spending more time with my family... I want him to spend part of the holidays with my family and in return I'd go to his family for holidays, he claims that he doesn't have to deal with that kinda of stuff until he gets married and he wants to spend holidays with his family. I've sacrificed my own family time to spend time with his, but he doesn't seem to even want to get to know my family at all. He's met them of course, but when it comes to family dinners and stuff he wants nothing to do with it. Another thing is, I already know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and he can't say the same for me. He tells me that he doesn't know and that he doesn't think that I know what I want. It hurts me a lot, because I do know. I'm not asking him to propose to me or anything, but I'd be nice to know that we are on the same page. In the middle of a couple of these arguments he has mentioned going on a break, and I do not want a break. I don't think that he would be beneficial for me because it would just put me on an emotional rollercoaster. Regardless, we never end up going on a break, he ends up telling me that he doesn't need one. I think he he really does want to go on a break, but it breaks my heart that he needs a break to know how he feels about me. Is going a break a good idea? I can't stand the thought of it, but recently I've been thinking that I don't want to waste my time with him if hes NEVER going to know what he wants... so he wants a break that I should just give it to him. I don't know what to do. We are extremely close, eachothers best friends, see eachother as often as we can... 4 or 5 times a week and while I'm in school I stay with him on the weekends because he lives much closer to my work. I can't lose him, I know he is the one, I just don't feel comfortable with the fact that he doesn't know that I am the one for him. Is this normal? Should I be worried? Thanks!
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 You want marriage. He doesn't. A break isn't going to change that fact or make him reconsider. He'll probably use this break to decide whether or not he wants to end the relationship - and will probably also initiate some emotional distancing from you in anticipation of a break. He already knows he doesn't want to marry you. All that is left for him to consider is whether or not he wants to continue the relationship. He may also be considering what to do if you hit him with an ultimatum - and whether or not he would be willing to marry you just to keep you in his life. A break for you wouldn't be a bad idea: but it would have to be done entirely for you just as his break will be entirely for him - to give you some unbiased, uninterrupted time to really think about what you have with him, and accept that right now he isn't interested in marrying you. You'll have to decide on your break if you want to be with a guy who isn't interested in marrying you.
Author sweetgrlintx Posted June 6, 2005 Author Posted June 6, 2005 I understand what you are saying, and I see all that. We had a talk last night about things, I told him if he wanted the break then to take and it told me that if it wasn't a mutual decision that he wasn't going to do it. Ultimately we decided not to break. He told me that the marriage thing scares him and that he loves me, but he just isn't 100% sure like I am. I'm not really sure what to do with that. I think we're both at an understanding. I'm not looking for marriage right now... like I said I still have 2 years left in school, it would be atleast that long til i'd expect a proposal... am I asking too much of him to know now that I'm the one?
Becca139 Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 LucreziaBorgia- Sorry to interrupt on this thread, but I just wanted to say that I have read as many of your posts as I can find. They have helped me get a little perspective. I would love to hear from you if you get a sec. Thanks. :-)
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 Originally posted by sweetgrlintx ... like I said I still have 2 years left in school, it would be atleast that long til i'd expect a proposal... am I asking too much of him to know now that I'm the one? I don't think thats something he can guarantee you for something two (or more) years down the road: especially since he isn't interested in marriage at the current time. He may be your 'Mr. Right', but you are only his 'Miss Right Now'. There isn't much of a reason to be discussing a future marriage with him right now - particularly since he is making it fairly clear that he isn't sure that you are the person he wants to marry. You are asking him to 'be sure' and that just isn't something that can forced. Should you continue to try and push the issue with him, you probably will end up pushing him away. I can understand your frustration, and wanting to know that you aren't putting time into something that will ultimately not pay out in the end, but in matters of the heart - its a gamble at the very least.
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