Dating a separated woman

[henr86]

So, I met a girl who is 30 (I'm 35) on a dating website about 6 weeks ago. We started chatting via the website and the conversation flowed etc. During the conversations she told me that she was separated from her husband but but still married and living in the same house with him. He is also dating other women and she told me the marriage was completely over and they were only living together for convenience reasons. After exchanging numbers we agreed a date the following week. We met up at a local bar for a drink and the date went well. After the date I text her and said I enjoyed the date and it would be good to do something again. We then arranged to meet up about a week and half later and went out for dinner and drinks. At the end of the night she came back to mine where we kissed and things progressed in the bedroom and all seemed perfect. She left the following morning and we continued to text with her saying she is thinking about me a lot etc.

 

We met up a couple more times, each time she stayed over and it seemed liked we clicked and got on so well on every level. The morning after the 3rd date she text me one morning wanting to talk. She said that she felt we have progressed really fast and that we seem really close which she was not expecting to find from a dating website. She said we need to call it a day and I tried to persuade her otherwise but she wasn't having any of it! A couple of days passed and then she texts me to say she left a DVD at mine and wants to come over to pick it up. When she came round we chatted and I said to her that I'm confused. We seem to like each other, there is a spark between us and everything is perfect but yet you want to end it. I told her id take things at her pace and that we should try. She said she didn't want to drag me through her divorce and that she is going to go through a hard time in the next few months. So, I told her to think about it and let me know. We kissed and she left.

 

A couple of hours passed then she text me asking if I had plans for new years eve which I didn't and we agreed to spend it together. NYE was great, we went out to my local, got drunk together and had a great time. Again she stayed and all seemed perfect. We then spent the following weekend together, went for a walk on the beach, out for dinner then she stayed over and we chilled together. Just before she left on the sunday her phone went and it was a guy skyping her. She said he won't leave her alone and wanted to block him. Hmmm, not sure I believe that but let it go anyway not wanting to come across as possessive considering we are only dating. After we saw each other she told me that she feels really comfortable with me and likes staying at mine. I saw her one more time a few days later, she stayed over during the week then the next morning left to go to work.

 

It was during the next few days she seemed to change and her messages were shorter and she was being cold/distant with me. We continued to chat via text for the next week or so without making any plans then she went very quiet. I asked her if she was ok and she said that she has a lot on her mind. I asked her what it was and she said "everything really" and that she had been thinking about us. She said that I'm lovely and she likes spending time with me but she felt something was missing and it wasn't my fault. She said she feels she has been a bitch to me over the past few days and that its best we don't continue basically. I again tried to persuade her but she said she can't change how she feels. I finished the conversation by saying that when she has things sorted to look me up and id be happy to pick up where we left off if I'm still single!

 

I am gutted by this tho and not sure what to do now, should I go NC and just leave it and move on or should I attempt to contact her in a few weeks? Do you think that due to her relationship status I should just leave her alone to figure things out for herself? Any thoughts would be good.

Edited January 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Republished with paragraphs from member

[smackie9]

Leave it and move on if you are looking for something serious and long term.

 

She's not ready

[dobielover]

Never date someone who's just separated, especially still living in the house. They're just not ready, not emotionally available. She's definitely not. Too much, too soon. She jumped in, she's not ready.

[Gaeta]

Hi

So, I met a girl who is 30 (I'm 35) on a dating website about 6 weeks ago. We started chatting via the website and the conversation flowed etc. During the conversations she told me that she was separated from her husband

 

I don't need to read any further.

 

Drop and move to next.

 

These people are ridiculous for being on dating sites!!

[xcupid]

She's not ready for a relationship. You were, at best, a nice distraction (sorry to say). Move on and find someone who will appreciate you and enjoy spending time with you.

[Emilia]

It took me 5 years to get my head straight after my marriage ended. She isn't ready, she has no clue how to progress in a relationship because she is out of practice and she is heartbroken. Move on now

[carhill]

OP, you mentioned she was living with her H while separated for convenience reasons....

 

Any children involved?

 

How did she speak of her estranged H?

 

 

It appears you had sex a few times before she backed away. What was your sense of your sexual involvement with her? Was it more sporting or more intimate? I ask because of perspective my exW offered me that, for her, between marriages (I was her third) she liked sex for sport and could separate it from any interest in the person personally or romantically. Essentially, it was simply 'fun'. How did things seem to you here?

 

Welcome to LS

[henr86]

She spoke about her husband as he would annoy her, very low motivation for life, dead end job etc. These were the reasons for the marriage break down.

 

Sex with her was great, definitely a spark and it felt very intimate and loving. She would also speak about how comfortable she was with me at my house and also speak about future plans, i.e being her plus one to a wedding she was going to in the summer.

 

These are things you don't normally talk about unless you are interested in someone.

 

Im not sure how much her relationship with her ex is affecting her, maybe she is not ready but is forcing herself out there to take her mind of things?

 

Ive not spoken to her now for a week, just want to give her space away from me in the hope she might start to see what she is losing???

[henr86]

Also, there is no children involved.

[carhill]

Did you ever know her last name? If so, water and bridges but it's easy to do background workups on people these days.

 

If you found that where you all got together and where you live is distant from where she lives, it's entirely possible that you were an unwitting affair partner and your usefulness has concluded. By distant, I mean it's unlikely that public meetings would ever interact with members of her social circle.

 

It could simply be someone who's unavailable for dating and getting to know a new partner. It could be you were fun but now she's done. That happens.

 

The two main red flags I saw were shared domicile so impossible to confirm any substantive separation, and some future faking, a typical affair behavior. The combination of making future plans, especially with the lure or lubrication of sex, is a classic MW tactic. BTDT.

 

In any event, I get that you want her to see what she's losing. I really do. I often felt that way myself. It's part of our self-esteem thing. The reality is, generally, people are interchangeable. If you died in your bed this morning, she'd never know nor care. You guys were strangers, met, had some fun and it is done, for now. Life goes on.

[deckard11]

Run away dude. Separated women ain't worth it.