millennialnole Posted January 16, 2016 Posted January 16, 2016 Hello, First time poster here. Thanks in advance for reading and giving any advice any of you may have. Here's the deal: I've come to these forums because I'm feeling all kinds of crazy things after a first date, and I need to be reined in by unbiased parties. Or, if you think what I'm feeling can be real...let me know that of course as well. Background, because I think it's important to understand where my head is at: I'm 25, recently single after a 3 year relationship with a girl who I met my senior year at college. We lived together for 2 of those years. Things got rough last summer when I suffered through a depression and my ex broke things off with me for 2 weeks or so because she said it was bringing her down and I wasn't dealing with it. That destroyed me, but we remained together after reconciling. However, we didn't really feel right after that. Then, in September, I took a job in another city and moved away. My ex had assured me she was going to move with me as soon as our lease ended in said city in December 2015. Long story short, she ultimately decided not to around November and I believe at that point and time, my brain began mentally preparing to lose her and move on. It was as clear as day that we were going to break up, it just didn't happen "officially" until about 2 weeks ago. It was sad of course, but the fact that it was dragged out for 2 months made the actual break up itself very manageable. Over the last 2 months I had already gone through all the emotions...sadness, fear, anger, etc. So by the time we actually broke up...it was more of a formality more than anything else. However, I never considered seeing anyone else or even going out and flirting with other girls over the last 2 months until it was "official", because that's who I am. In hindsight, I wish we had just cut things off way earlier, but I despise cheating and if I'm committed to someone, I'm committed. Getting to where I stand today, however.... After being in a relationship for 3 years, all of my friends and family told me I need to focus on myself and not worry about another relationship. I agreed whole heartedly because the reasoning makes sense. I had told myself repeatedly that I would not seriously date a girl for at least a year - I'd take the next 12 months to spend time alone and do whatever. So, what did I do when we officially broke up and I had a green light to do as I pleased? I downloaded Tinder, of course. More than anything, I was curious as to what the whole hype was about. It wasn't really around the last time I was single and to be completely transparent - yeah, I downloaded it because I really wanted to get laid. I've never been a "hook up" guy, but I think the thought of sleeping with different women excited me because I had become so unhappy in my last relationship. So, to swiping I went. Over the last few weeks, I've had my share of matches and flirty conversations both on the app and over text. Then, I came across the girl I went on a date with last night. Our connection was instantaneous as soon as we began conversing, but I paid little attention to it because of the shallow nature of what Tinder is. We both thought each other were attractive, so what? No one comes to Tinder for more than just a casual hook up, right? After a conversation of probably an hour or 2 via text, we agreed that we wanted to meet in person. I still had no idea what to expect. I thought we had a connection, but again, since it was Tinder I was expecting the night to either be awkward or end in a meaningless hook up, or both. Well, none of the above happened. The complete opposite actually. First off, she is absolutely beautiful. Like, even way prettier than I thought she was going to be based on looking at her pictures on the app. But perhaps more importantly, the connection felt even more real in person and we discovered countless little facts, shared interests and life coincidences and before I knew it, the last thing I was thinking about was getting her in bed. On that note, at the end of the night I dropped her off at her place and we did in fact kiss, but I had no urge to go inside at all, which I can say is vastly different from my first 3 relationships. I didn't sleep with all of them on the first night, but we definitely did more than make out and to be honest, I probably would have slept with them if they let me. But I had no desire to do so last night because for whatever reason, it felt different. It felt right. I have a feeling that starts deep in my stomach and is moving through the rest of my body. I slept for maybe 2 hours last night. Butterflies I guess? I want to scream from the rooftops and tell all of my friends about it! And all we did was have great conversation, share a harmless kiss..... and set up a second date for tonight. But then there's the realistic, and some would say pessimistic part of me, who's questioning all of this because come on! It's only been one date and I'm recently single after a long relationship, don't I need time by myself? Or when you find that person, does none of that matter? I feel silly for even thinking and typing this, but I honestly did have that thought last night. As I was looking at her I thought to myself, "holy ****, this is the girl I'm going to marry." I think part of it may be due to the fact that we have a mutual physical attraction. Don't get me wrong, I was attracted to all of my exes. But it was always they who had a crush on me first; I never sought them out. I gave them a chance and ended up developing strong feelings after really getting to know them. And then to feel this, to look at this girl and say to myself, "Man, if I were just out with my buddies and I saw this girl at the bar, I would definitely want to talk to her because she is flat out gorgeous." AND have what seems like a genuine connection... I don't know. Help me out here, folks. Do I need to calm down? Is this irrational? We do have a second date tonight, so I'm eager to see how that goes. I suppose my biggest fear would be falling for a "rebound" and then both of us ending up getting hurt. If you read all of this, you rock! And if I rambled, I apologize. Like I said, I'm running on two hours of sleep and I'm out of it right now.
xcupid Posted January 16, 2016 Posted January 16, 2016 Your reaction to finding someone new is normal. You`re excited and infatated with this new girl. Don`t overthink it. Simply date her and get to know her. Good luck.
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