Scared, lost, terrified.

[nyah]

Beyond devastated and feel sick to my stomach about what possibly went on 3 nights ago. I don't know what happened, as I had a blackout after taking all my meds, extremely strong pain opiates plus others for my inner health and mental issues, plus extreme amounts of alcohol... but I know it's not good.

My amazing partner is away ATM and I had a friend over one night for an overdue catch up and blacked out, woke up naked on my couch and very sore down below and my supposed friend was no where to be seen.

I don't know what happened, but he claims nothing. I believe otherwise though as there is physical evidence on my body and internally. I feel physically sick that something has happened when I passed out. I have not been able to eat, drink or get out of bed since then and cannot stop crying. I've been on the phone to lifeline everyday and am still lost. I need to talk to my partner when he returns from his holiday, but I don't know what to say as I don't know what happened other then what I think due to my physical injuries. Advice please. I don't want to lose him, but don't know what to say. I'm devastated.

[TaraMaiden2]

Call the Police.

Get medically examined.

You need reliable and sound evidence.

 

Please, be pro-active and do something because otherwise you will end up as another closeted victim, and you will never see a way out of the fog.

Call a female friend, gather up whatever evidence you can, and do something.

[nyah]

Call the Police.

Get medically examined.

You need reliable and sound evidence.

 

Please, be pro-active and do something because otherwise you will end up as another closeted victim, and you will never see a way out of the fog.

Call a female friend, gather up whatever evidence you can, and do something.

 

Thank you. I will right now x

[RySant]

Thank you. I will right now x

 

If this is non-consensual. Then your friend just committed something horrible. I am sorry to hear it and I hope you sort this out.

[aliveagain]

Report it immediately, regardless, you were taken advantage of. This will be proof to your partner that you did not give your consent because you will have to tell him about it, you can't keep something like this a secret. This so called friend is not someone that can be trusted and people need to be told about him. You need to be tested for STD's.

[privategal]

Im unclear why this isnt in friendships section if you had no reason to believe you and this friend was pursuing an affair.

If you were mixing drugs and alcohol and losing capacity to think clearly throughout the night, you might not remember making advances or flirting or consenting or confusing him for your partner.

If he was also drinking, was invited to your place at night with your partner out of town and he was drinking too...he might have assumed that is what the visit was for and believed it was consensual.

If you were out if your mind is it possible you may have consented, invited, even unknowingly initiated? This did not have to occur when you were passed out.

Its just so scary and serious to charge someone with rape. He may never get a job again, be shunned by his community and family.

Im not suggesting you did anything wrong, but Im wondering if it has to be rape for sure and not a horrible misunderstanding?

You have to at least say...while sober and taking my medication, I chose to take too much, I chose to add alcohol, I chose to have a man over when I wouldn't be in a sound mind.

This by NO MEANS means you opened yourself up nor deserved to get harmed...Im simply saying it might not be rape and you might have consented.

Im so sorry. Please take care and when your partner is home, is it possible to sit down with this person with your partner present and discuss the timeline?

If you blacked out, could he have?

Could he maybe have said nothing happened because he is confused, foggy?

Could he feel you wanted it but that you regret it and feel guilt and he is giving you the NOTHING happened assuming he feels youd like to forget and feel nothing did happen?

If you do not recall ever saying no, then you might not recall ever saying yes.

Please understand my only point is make sure.

 

I feel horrible to read this. Im sorry.

Edited January 16, 2016 by privategal

[LivingWaterPlease]

Im unclear why this isnt in friendships section if you had no reason to believe you and this friend was pursuing an affair.

If you were mixing drugs and alcohol and losing capacity to think clearly throughout the night, you might not remember making advances or flirting or consenting or confusing him for your partner.

If he was also drinking, was invited to your place at night with your partner out of town and he was drinking too...he might have assumed that is what the visit was for and believed it was consensual.

If you were out if your mind is it possible you may have consented, invited, even unknowingly initiated? This did not have to occur when you were passed out.

Its just so scary and serious to charge someone with rape. He may never get a job again, be shunned by his community and family.

Im not suggesting you did anything wrong, but Im wondering if it has to be rape for sure and not a horrible misunderstanding?

You have to at least say...while sober and taking my medication, I chose to take too much, I chose to add alcohol, I chose to have a man over when I wouldn't be in a sound mind.

This by NO MEANS means you opened yourself up nor deserved to get harmed...Im simply saying it might not be rape and you might have consented.

Im so sorry. Please take care and when your partner is home, is it possible to sit down with this person with your partner present and discuss the timeline?

If you blacked out, could he have?

Could he maybe have said nothing happened because he is confused, foggy?

Could he feel you wanted it but that you regret it and feel guilt and he is giving you the NOTHING happened assuming he feels youd like to forget and feel nothing did happen?

If you do not recall ever saying no, then you might not recall ever saying yes.

Please understand my only point is make sure.

 

I feel horrible to read this. Im sorry.

 

Nyah, I'm so sorry for all you're suffering over this situation.

 

I have to join privategal in her advice to you, however. From what you've written it does sound as if something happened. But, to assume it was rape when you don't know how things happened for sure could be a great wrong done against your friend that could affect both of you for the rest of your lives.

 

In your place I would garner emotional support from your closest friends and family and move on with your life allowing yourself plenty of time and support to heal.

[turnera]

And consider finding your AA chapter to help you keep away from alcohol.

[anika99]

I would consider this rape as it sounds like the OP was too incapacitated to give or not give consent. I have been in this situation and I spoke of it in another thread. Luckily for me someone else was present and they put a stop to it. I was completely out of it on alcohol alone, without the additional influence of opiates and mental health issues.

 

If the OP eagerly consented then why can't the friend just say that? If the friend was too drunk to remember then why can't he say that? He is lying and trying to convince the OP that nothing happened when clearly something did and that makes me think this friend knows damn well he did something slimy and creepy.

 

OP you may not be able to pursue rape charges against this individual but if I were you I would consider it a rape and get myself some counselling geared around that.

[bathtub-row]

I'm curious as to why Lifeline didn't advise you to go to the police right away. I hope that's what you have done now. This guy "friend" needs to pay for what he has obviously done.

 

This sounds exactly like what Bill Cosby has been accused of many times. Perhaps your friend has done this to other women, also. Please report him.

 

I'm really sorry this happened. Btw, why is it that you can't call your partner? Is he in on Mt Everest or something?

[understand50]

Report it immediately, regardless, you were taken advantage of. This will be proof to your partner that you did not give your consent because you will have to tell him about it, you can't keep something like this a secret. This so called friend is not someone that can be trusted and people need to be told about him. You need to be tested for STD's.

 

nyah,

 

Please read and HEED Aliveagain. Your friend RAPED you. Call the police, make a report. Do not try and hold this in, someone you trusted betrayed you. The sooner you deal with the the better. If I was your partner, I would find and beat the snot out of your so called friend. You owe it to your partner to let the police handle this, so he does not do something that will get him in trouble. Look to your health, and look to your well being.

 

Please take action.

 

 

I wish you luck.

[Bryanp]

I also hope that you contact the police as well.

 

I do have to ask why you would take strong pain opiates mixed with heavy alcohol drinking with another male in your home late at night? Surely you must have realized that this combination would certainly knock you out.

[ShatteredLady]

Have you done your laundry yet? If not get the clothes you slipped on after & put them in bags. Take photographs of any bruises & at least go to a doctor to check you out & write a report.

 

When I was younger this happened to a friend. She did nothing. Years later he was arrested for drugging & raping his friends 15 year old sister. The police found film he taken of a number of women, including my friend. She was in so much pain because he had brutalized her!

 

The whole experience seriously effected her physical relationships. Things didn't improve until it all came out into the open & he was arrested, she had therapy etc.

 

I suffer for chronic pain & take medications. You should NEVER mix alcohol with meds but I confess that I have on occasion. It makes you a zombie, lowers your respiratory rate. Opiates & alcohol are NOT a 'turn-on' kind of mix & NOT a black-out but keep functioning (like alcohol alone) kind of thing.

 

This could haunt you for a long time. Please do something!

[merrmeade]

When I was a senior in high school, I'd just moved to another city and invited my old friends to come to a concert with me and some older university guys from the old town. I had a date with one of their brothers who was older and actually not enrolled in college. I drank too much and don't remember much, but I woke up in the bedroom with my pantyhose off or around my feet, not sure which. There was a dark stain on the skirt of my dress. On the way home, they had to stop the car so I could throw up.

 

Years later, when I had what was supposedly my first sexual encounter, I was told I wasn't a virgin.

 

But it was only when date rape started appearing in the news and details of what it can look like that I began to put two and two together. I'm pretty sure I was drugged and raped.

 

I think it's not uncommon that you don't relate to it fully at the time because you were drunk, drugged but definitely not grounded in reality. You were unconscious. You don't have emotions, images, events to remember in connection with it. It's like a dream.

 

That's why you have to get help now. You need to take responsibility for the you that was violated. Not only should you contact the police, but you need to see a doctor and mental healthcare provider and get your psyche straight about what's happened.

[TX-SC]

That's horrible! I'm so sorry this happened to you. Call the police and your partner. They can help.