Is Lying Always a Deal-breaker?

[Cecil22]

Some lies are damaging and other lies may be for the protection of those we love.

 

I don't think that all lying should be a deal-breaker. If I am sick and the disease is not contagious such as cancer then I don't feel like I have a moral obligation to reveal my illness to friends or even a significant other. Under those circumstances I feel it is justified to lie and say I am okay when I'm really not because I want to protect the people I love.

 

Cancer is not nearly as much of a death sentence today as it was 20 years ago so I don't think it is really necessary to alarm my girlfriend about it except as a last resort like only if treatment fails. But if there's a good chance treatment will work why reveal my condition?

 

How would you feel if your boyfriend was really sick but lied and said he wasn't?

[SpiralOut]

I would be pissed.

[basil67]

I'd have to rethink the relationship

[mrs rubble]

How would you feel if she did the same to you?

I'd be pissed if my partner hid something like that from me, but I know without doubt he wouldn't as he can't keep a secret, which is why I'd be reluctant to share with him if I were in that situation. As I know he'd have to tell a whole bunch of other people.

[todreaminblue]

-I would be hurt that my bf didnt feel he could tell me he was sick that he didnt want me to know and didnt allow me to support him through it.....i would not leave him regardless...but i would want a more open and honest relationship from that point forward...cancer treatments are rough going and support from the ones you love actually aid healing...as does honesty.....the last thing any guy or girl needs going through cancer treatment are having to maintain a facade......or hide how they really feel that takes energy and you need your energy to beat the disease....dont do it..dont even contemplate hiding a serious illness...tell your gf let her support you..and let her be there for you when you need her the most.....it will only make your treatment and emotional well being stronger for letting her know.... i wish you well...deb

[basil67]

I like what todreaminblue wrote. While I wouldn't necessarily up and leave him, I would be terribly hurt and extremely angry that he kept a secret of this magnitude from me. I can't imagine the effort required to regain the trust and get past the hurt. In short, I doubt the relationship would ever be the same again.

[CC12]

Cancer is not nearly as much of a death sentence today as it was 20 years ago so I don't think it is really necessary to alarm my girlfriend about it except as a last resort like only if treatment fails. But if there's a good chance treatment will work why reveal my condition?

 

If treatment fails, do you think it would be a kind thing to do to surprise your significant other with the news that you may die soon? That would be terribly ****ed up.

 

Why do you ask? Are you sick and do you plan to withhold this information from your significant other?

[Cecil22]

How would you feel if she did the same to you?

I'd be pissed if my partner hid something like that from me, but I know without doubt he wouldn't as he can't keep a secret, which is why I'd be reluctant to share with him if I were in that situation. As I know he'd have to tell a whole bunch of other people.

 

You also have to consider where the sick person is coming from. Many people when faced with a potentially life threatening illness already fear that everyone around them is going to abandon them. This fear is not totally irrational as people tend to treat you differently once it is revealed to them that you have cancer. If revealing the truth will do more harm than good then it is best not to tell anyone even a significant other who might become uncomfortable with the bad news.

[loveweary11]

Lying is always a deal breaker.

 

The #1 on my list, actually.

 

Omission isn't lying, however. But, when asked, you'll want to be honest.

[RedRobin]

Depends on the duration and type of relationship. Most people are only concerned about their own lives. Withholding information about a serious illness that is not contagious... Like cancer... Is perfectly acceptable unless the withholding causes more stress and impacts healing.

 

After my fiancée died, I didn't tell a soul at work except for my manager, because I needed to be out a week for his funeral. I have friends I consider close that I still haven't told all the details about or what I was going through emotionally at the time. That is what family is for...

 

If I had a major illness, it would be the same way. I would only tell people whose trust was firmly established, and even then, I would wait until I had all possible information and a plan in place.

 

Long story short... No, you are not obliged to tell anyone details about things that don't affect them. The way most people date these days... And what people consider a BF or GF? Nope. A spouse, yes. Of course. Not someone you are just dating.

[Cecil22]

So ultimately the question to ask is how would revealing certain information benefit the other person? If I can see no benefit to be gained from them knowing then why tell them? It may be in their best interest not to know at least for the time being. I also think there is a right time and a wrong time to reveal disturbing news.