Ladies: Do you choose men naturally or base it on a list?

January 18, 2016

It all starts with personal attraction. Without that, there is not likely to be the interest to find out more.

Once I find someone attractive, I want to know more about him. Being in my 50s, I have enough experience of different characters - if only as friends and colleagues - to know what I want to avoid. I must admit, it gets to be quite a long list and probably rules out a lot of guys.

Looks would attract me to a guy but if I find he has any of the traits I want to avoid, I won't be interested. For example, he might look great but if he starts giving me advice and is clearly used to 'teaching' people, then I find it a real turnoff. It is arrogant (what makes him think he knows more than me when he hardly knows me?) and patronising (I can't bear the 'little woman' attitude).

January 19, 2016

I try to choose men naturally. I don't go out of my way to meet them, but I give the men I meet a chance, I will imagine what it's like to be with them. I try to judge them on their own qualities.

I do have an ideal image in my mind that I am sure I am attracted to no matter the circumstances. If a guy wants me to be attracted to him, he can make himself more attractive by trying to become like that, although it mostly has to do with life experiences and personality traits.

About height: I do not care about height unless he suffers from a condition in that aspect and then I will still try to keep an open mind. I actually find shorter and skinny men attractive. This is all because of a former love interest of mine. Womens idea of what is attractive can be fixed but mostly changing with experiences.

Edited January 19, 2016 by notoriginal

January 20, 2016

I have a list. It's a list of deal breakers and character/value traits I look for such as being honest, faithful, etc. I also look for chemistry/sexual attraction. I do not believe in making lists around superficial things like height or status. I want to focus on what is really important in a relationship and be open to the package it comes in.

January 20, 2016

No list! I go on attraction (mental and physical).

I do like a guy with a lil jelly belly though, and I can't say I've ever been attracted to a metro type guy but that doesn't mean I wouldn't give one a chance!

January 20, 2016

I've wanted to bring up this topic a few weeks ago but kept forgetting about it, so here it is.

It well known that theres a lot of women that have a "list" or guideline that they follow when it comes to who they date or what type of guy they date. How many of you have a list that you follow and how many of you are open to being more random and letting a guy prove his worth before you judge him?

I don't think its really a "list" so much as standards. I don't think its unreasonable to have an idea of what you're looking for. That way you're not wasting time dating people who don't fit from the beginning.

I also don't think its unreasonable for an educated (beyond high school) woman to want a man who is also educated beyond high school. Dating is not a charity case. Its not communism either. Women are not supposed to say "oh, here's this guy who doesn't have a higher education but I see no woman is dating him so I should date him to make him feel better".

I can never understand why men give women so much flak for that. I'm not interested in dating someone who only finished high school or dropped out of it, sorry. That's my choice whether some loveshack guys like it or not.

January 20, 2016

Theres millions of women that wont even look at a guy if he didnt go to college. That right there guarantees nothing, and it sure doesnt mean a guy with a degree can offer a better relationship. I'm not really talking about looks, more so certain traits and such that many women seem to "think" makes one man a better catch than the other.

It might not be about him being a "better catch" than others, just a better match for her. Post high school education is important to many people and many people don't care about it. There are guys who wouldn't seriously consider a woman who didn't go to college as well.

I seem to see and hear about a lot of missed oppurtunities where women wont even give a guy a chance if he doesnt meet what she is looking for. Theres been many studies that prove what we think we want and what we are actually attracted to is typically two different things.

Oh well, don't get too wrapped up in thinking about it, there are plenty of women who DO want the things that you have to offer.

I truly believe that many women are their own worst enemy when it comes to dating and who they "choose".

Well ... like a couple of women have said on your thread here, they learned the hard way that they DO need to have some deal breakers and must-haves. There are reasons that some people are compatible and some aren't.

January 20, 2016

I use a 22-point evaluation matrix that I've coded in Excel, with a 5 point scale and variable weighting for each factor so I can rig the result as I prefer.

January 20, 2016

A college education isn't everything. Look at all the unemployed graduates these days. All that education and they still don't know squat. There are many ways to learn other than college. Most of what they teach in college is fluff knowledge anyway, not exactly applicable in any practical, real world scenario.

I know plenty of carpenters, auto mechanics, and business owners that are knowledgeable, but never had to get a college degree.

So what though? Staying in school through an advanced degree is meaningful to many people, they shouldn't feel obliged to throw that out because Internet guy says that is "fluff." It's a value that has been instilled in families in many cases.

That's like telling you it's lame to refuse to date a fat girl!

If it's important to a person, it's important. This college degree question is not a very good example anyway, I doubt there are many girls struggling to find a man because of that particular standard. College graduates abound. If she's having trouble I don't think it's going to get a lot easier if she lets that one slide.

January 20, 2016

I don't think its really a "list" so much as standards. I don't think its unreasonable to have an idea of what you're looking for. That way you're not wasting time dating people who don't fit from the beginning.

So you think love is conditional based upon prior approval? Do you really think it is possible to anticipate who you will love based on practical expectations. Or is it possible that love isn't the highest priority?

I pick escorts based on a list, not lovers. I think a lot of women pick men based on almost entirely practical considerations, whereas men tend to follow their hearts.

January 20, 2016

So you think love is conditional based upon prior approval? Do you really think it is possible to anticipate who you will love based on practical expectations. Or is it possible that love isn't the highest priority?

I pick escorts based on a list, not lovers. I think a lot of women pick men based on almost entirely practical considerations, whereas men tend to follow their hearts.

Do you seriously think that choosing to date men with a college education is picking men "based on almost entirely practical considerations"? :eek:

Ever think that many women - PEOPLE in general - are seeking other people who share similar values, lifestyles, priorities, etc and that they are highly likely to find TRUE LOVE with somebody who shares those things? We're not all buying people off of lists here!

That is some monumental generalization about women you're doing right there, but have at it!

January 20, 2016

I have a few non-negotiable dealbreakers, but aside from that I don't really have a 'list' per se. It might just be fortunate happenstance, but after having obtained some relationship experience, the traits that make men attractive to me mostly overlap with the traits that are most likely to lead to a compatible and good partner (for me). So I don't really see the need to explicitly list that I want a man who treats me well, or is employed, or is thoughtful and introspective, or who has moved out of his parents' house and is independent, or who doesn't smoke, or who is intelligent, etc... because I just wouldn't be attracted to men who don't fulfill those requirements, so the point is moot.

I suppose one could say it's a list anyway if you're not attracted to anyone who doesn't tick those boxes, but it's not really a conscious decision. And EVERYONE of any gender has a subconscious 'list', whether they will admit it or not. I have yet to hear of a man who will date a 300lbs homeless druggie woman.

Edited January 20, 2016 by Elswyth

January 20, 2016

I don't think its really a "list" so much as standards. I don't think its unreasonable to have an idea of what you're looking for. That way you're not wasting time dating people who don't fit from the beginning.

I agree.

It's all too easy to fall in love with someone completely incompatible. Having a list of deal breakers, at the very least, can save a lot of heartbreak.

January 20, 2016

So you think love is conditional based upon prior approval? Do you really think it is possible to anticipate who you will love based on practical expectations.

That's just the thing. Of course we can fall in love with the wrong men, happens all the time. Why risk it?

January 20, 2016

Until recently, I'll admit that I had a list which, in hindsight, was probably what landed me in troubled waters - not so much height (I'm 5 2 so pretty much everyone is taller than I am...) but other physical/circumstances that would make me judge a guy even without knowing him.

With age, experience and meeting my BF, I've learnt that it was pretty foolish and superficial on my part. I still have standards but they are now kind of reflecting my BF's personality and character - he's a good guy, luckily.

January 20, 2016

A college education isn't everything. Look at all the unemployed graduates these days. All that education and they still don't know squat. There are many ways to learn other than college. Most of what they teach in college is fluff knowledge anyway, not exactly applicable in any practical, real world scenario.

I know plenty of carpenters, auto mechanics, and business owners that are knowledgeable, but never had to get a college degree.

I'm not saying a brilliant girl should go out and date idiots, but it might not hurt you to think about comparing your education to the sort of knowledge a martial arts expert has. Or any trade skill.

Well I didn't say anything about a college education specifically. Carpenters and auto mechanics go to trade school, don't they? That still counts as education beyond high school, at least to me. And I never said I would discount those people. I know people who went to trade school and made a lot of money after.

I was talking specifically about high school dropouts or people who finished high school and didn't do anything else with their lives. I'm not into that. Which is why I said that dating isn't a charity case. I'm not interested in supporting a guy. I want a guy who made a career for himself, is making decent money (I will be too, I'll be making a lot in my field) because that's important to consider if I plan to marry and start a family with a man and share my finances with him.

January 20, 2016

So you think love is conditional based upon prior approval? Do you really think it is possible to anticipate who you will love based on practical expectations. Or is it possible that love isn't the highest priority?

I pick escorts based on a list, not lovers. I think a lot of women pick men based on almost entirely practical considerations, whereas men tend to follow their hearts.

Well I don't believe in love at first sight. I fall in love much later, when I've actually gotten the chance to know a person. Sure women fall in love with the wrong men all the time and I'm not saying that can't happen to me, but to save myself all the heartache and pain I'd want to have an idea of what I'm looking for to minimize the chance of falling in love with the wrong person.

Why shouldn't a person pick a partner based on practical considerations? If you're tying your life to someone else's permanently, getting married, making babies and mixing finances, why shouldn't you consider things like your partner's career? What if something happens to my job, for example? I'd want my partner to be able to support us and our family while I look for another one.

January 20, 2016

I've wanted to bring up this topic a few weeks ago but kept forgetting about it, so here it is.

It well known that theres a lot of women that have a "list" or guideline that they follow when it comes to who they date or what type of guy they date. How many of you have a list that you follow and how many of you are open to being more random and letting a guy prove his worth before you judge him?

As has already been alluded to this stuff tends to be more evaluation-based and intangible. But (and sorry if this offends anyone) a couple of the more standard ones for me are general good looks and a large penis. (Assuming we're talking about relationship material haha - I don't check penis size before the first date. Usually. )

January 20, 2016

I have a few non-negotiable dealbreakers, but aside from that I don't really have a 'list' per se. It might just be fortunate happenstance, but after having obtained some relationship experience, the traits that make men attractive to me mostly overlap with the traits that are most likely to lead to a compatible and good partner (for me). So I don't really see the need to explicitly list that I want a man who treats me well, or is employed, or is thoughtful and introspective, or who has moved out of his parents' house and is independent, or who doesn't smoke, or who is intelligent, etc... because I just wouldn't be attracted to men who don't fulfill those requirements, so the point is moot.

I suppose one could say it's a list anyway if you're not attracted to anyone who doesn't tick those boxes, but it's not really a conscious decision. And EVERYONE of any gender has a subconscious 'list', whether they will admit it or not. I have yet to hear of a man who will date a 300lbs homeless druggie woman.

Bingo.

Everyone has a "list" of disqualifiers that whittle down the pool of available people to a manageable amount of people who you might be interested in.

The problem with the whole "why won't he/she/it give me a chance?" line is that above all, its just impractical. If a single person gives every other single human being a chance they'd need to make a profession out of it. That's a lot of dates. There's nothing wrong in expecting people to stand out to you before going out with them.

January 20, 2016

I use a 22-point evaluation matrix that I've coded in Excel, with a 5 point scale and variable weighting for each factor so I can rig the result as I prefer.

All about the radar chart. One feature per axis.

January 20, 2016

I think a lot of women pick men based on almost entirely practical considerations, whereas men tend to follow their hearts.

A whole lot of men pick women by looks. That’s eyes, not heart. Of those men, some mistake schwing for heart.

January 20, 2016

A whole lot of men pick women by looks. That’s eyes, not heart. Of those men, some mistake schwing for heart.

^ Or the schwing's actually mounted on a lever inside the heart.

January 20, 2016

^ Or the schwing's actually mounted on a lever inside the heart.

:laugh:

This could be a chicken and egg thing.

Sign In

Ladies: Do you choose men naturally or base it on a list?

Recommended Posts

spiderowl

notoriginal

Miss Peach

ChickiePops

CrystalCastles

Rejected Rosebud

SoleMate

Rejected Rosebud

Robert Z

Rejected Rosebud

Els

xxoo

xxoo

PrettyEmily77

CrystalCastles

CrystalCastles

jen1447

hasaquestion

hasaquestion

BlueIris

jen1447

BlueIris

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...