Do you delete or deactivate your online dating profile?

[meanthingsisaid]

I wouldn't necessarily conclude you are being played or used. It could be you are just incompatible in the sense that while another man might be comfortable with how she is, you are not. In a love relationship we learn a lot about ourselves, what we are, or are not, capable of. And we have to accept that.

 

What are your astrological signs? I know some people don't believe that at all. I do, when I read some of the characterizations of compatibility.

 

Sagi-Taurus

[testmeasure]

First, I think girls do have a right to have male friends. Others may not be in that camp. Where I would, and did a long time back, draw the line is if I'm excluded from some actual activity they do together. Not that I always have to be there, but if for some reason I'm not welcome, that's a problem for me.

 

That doesn't make it fun, particularly in a newer relationship. Particularly if she was very specific about this to the point it felt like it was a part of the "rules going in". So, what's going on?

 

Hypocrisy or Projection?

 

1) Simplest explanation is she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She enjoys having guy friends. But she would actually be jealous if you had girl friends. People aren't perfect and in this area she's a hypocrite.

 

2) Worst case is probably 2nd most likely in my mind. She worries about you talking to girls exactly because she knows why she likes to talk to guys. Exactly because there IS a chance of her acting on it. She knows she is prone to act on what she is doing so she has great fear of you even talking to girls.

 

3) There is a more remote possibility. I am piecing something together out of the fact that she really does seem to want you and not these other guys. A hand full of dates doesn't really make him an ex. I guess if they slept together, technically. She's the one coming back to you, not you back to her. Anyway, given her interest level in you, but her desire have other male friends, why did she open with rules against that? One thought that crossed my mind is I wonder how she has been received by other guys in past relationships. This can't not have been a problem before. That may even be why she's the one coming back to you. Wrap your mind around this: Maybe she's had so many break-ups over having male friends that she opens with rules against it to convince you that she's not the kind of person who has male friends because she thinks she needs to do that just to get you to accept her in the first place.

 

So there are a number of reasons why she may have had rules against something she can't resist doing herself. That's a valid reason for breaking up or for taking things less seriously if you continue.

 

Either way... All of this. All of it. Is fear that she MIGHT do something that leads to the end of the relationship. It's quite clear that trying to stop it WILL end the relationship. She keeps coming back to you and wanting the relationship.

 

It certainly is very irritating behavior. Particularly if she herself set expectations against it.

 

But you still only have 2 choices. End the relationship over it. Or, accept it, realize that the relationship is less serious, and be mentally prepared to end things if/when she acts on it.

 

If you just focus on having fun with her, maybe she'll lose interest in talking to these others over time. Or maybe you'll learn to take it less seriously as you see that it never leads anywhere over time. Or she'll actually do something and it will be the end.

 

Either the way, the choice is still just have fun for now or end it now because she's doing irritating things that MIGHT end it later.

 

 

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Edited January 18, 2016 by testmeasure

[meanthingsisaid]

He is a poster here.

 

I don't see how that helps me here.

[Popsicle]

I don't see how that helps me here.

 

She's not going to change you need to dump her.

[meanthingsisaid]

She's not going to change you need to dump her.

 

Dumped. Done.

Edited January 19, 2016 by meanthingsisaid

[meanthingsisaid]

Dumped. Done.

 

Just to update all of you on this: She was back on the dating site two days after I told her to delete her profile (or I was out). I guess that was the level of her commitment. Can't believe I spent that much time with this girl. I feel completely played. Now I know she was never honest or loyal with me. Some people...

[testmeasure]

This is just dumb.

 

Either end it because of this behavior. (Self fulfilling prophecy because of what MIGHT happen.)

 

Or, relax, have fun with her and accept she has guy friends. But if she crosses a line where she does "something" with them. After that it's done. All done. Gone. Game over.

 

She has shown every sign she will come back to you and not go with others. So that opens the remote possibility that she just does this but doesn't stray and always comes home. If you can be the one person who can accept this, how rare and how much of a catch could that be for her.

 

If 10, 15, 20 years down the road she messes with other guys minds but always comes back to you.... Where does that put you?

 

That would drive me nuts. I couldn't live with it. Maybe you can't either.

 

This girl is giving you those 2 choices.

 

You either accept her or reject her. You have to make that choice based on you, what you are getting from her, and what she is supplying as information. It's pretty much as simple as that.

 

It's clear from what I've written that I'm not opposed to choosing the girl. I can also support choosing rules that fit the situation...

 

 

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[testmeasure]

Sorry, I think I misread that. She reactivated her profile and was active? Somehow I read that as you saying her profile was just still there and still not deleted, but on second look, I think you mean she activated it.

 

You don't activate a profile on a dating site just to have guy friends. This is an action that shows intent. That would cross the line for me. Thus removing the choice by process of elimination.

 

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Edited January 19, 2016 by testmeasure