try to date her?afraid of rejection

[nikos]

Greetings

I met a girl before 3 weeks where i work,she is new at work and she is learning the job, then she will go to her workplace in another area.the second day in the work they send her to me at my workplace to show her some of her duties.

 

From that day i cant stop thinking about her.she will leave in 2 weeks so i dont have much time(i will be speaking with her 5-6 times in the day though but i will not see her often).to the point now i really like her so much,it's the first time in last years that i like someone so much,we have almost the same age she is 27 years old,we speak every evening for work mostly and i try to encourage her.

The problem is that im afraid to risk if i dont have many chances,cause if things dont go well,it will be hard for me to speak with her each day,im afraid if things dont go well,many people in the work will learn what happened and some people there are not so nice,when i was new at work some of them said a lot lies about me behind my back cause they was afraid i will get their positions :(and if she reject me i will feel terrible and having all of those folks speaking about behind my back will break me.

 

Below i will tell you the positives and the negatives so you can tell me your opinion

 

positives to try and date her

1)when we talk she is smiling at me,some times i catch her eyes looking at me and when i turn my self she is looking away(i do the same some times im really shy )

2)she seems interested in my personal life

3)she is not have a boyfriend

4)before 3 days my car had a problem and she offered to drive me in a location that i can take the subway

5)try to date her or regret that i didnt and the chances i might had wasted.

 

negatives

1)my self confidence isnt high last years and a rejection will break me apart

2)problems with work

3)i asked her today what she will do on the weekend and she said me that is very happy that the weekend came cause she can rest and read the duties of her job so she can prepare and that she not going to go out withe her friends,the she asked me and i said that i will dont go out too and stay home to rest,if she was interested for me wouldnt tell that she had not planned anything so i could ask her to go out?

 

 

Sorry for my english its not my native language,and really thanks

[Buddhist]

negatives

1)my self confidence isnt high last years and a rejection will break me apart

 

No it won't. You might think it will but actually you'll get through it. People rarely ever fall over dead due to office gossip. Do you have so little opinion of her that you imagine she is going to reject you and then tell everyone in the office about it? Is she a known gossip and vindictive personality?

 

2)problems with work

 

What problems exactly? You feeling occasionally awkward everytime you go past the office kitchen and a couple of useless individuals suddenly stop a conversation then walk off giving you weird looks? You know what, 90% of the time they're not even discussing you. Get over yourself.

 

3)i asked her today what she will do on the weekend and she said me that is very happy that the weekend came cause she can rest and read the duties of her job so she can prepare and that she not going to go out withe her friends,the she asked me and i said that i will dont go out too and stay home to rest,if she was interested for me wouldnt tell that she had not planned anything so i could ask her to go out?

 

Over thinking. Maybe she told you that so that you know she is free to go on a date with you? You know what, unrequited love happens, but it doesn't happen all that often. Chances are still excellent that if you've got major feels for someone then they kind of feel the same way or are at least open to exploring it.

 

The only way to conquer fear is to face it head on and take a risk. If you don't your life will get worse not better. You'll continue to back away from every opportunity out there and then spend the rest of your life wondering what if.

Edited January 15, 2016 by Buddhist

[Qboro90]

Your best move would be to get her number and ask her out after she leaves your office in a couple weeks. That way you avoid the embarrassment you fear about your colleagues teasing you if they found out. Which they wouldn't but if you feel that way this is a way around it.

 

Get her number and initiate a line of communication after work hours. Small talk. Send her a text about seeing something that reminds you of her or that you think she'd find funny. Or tag her on Instagram about an inside joke you have with her. Then once she leaves the office, text her and ask if she'd like to grab dinner or meet up for drinks that weekend.

 

It's a process, don't expect a gf overnight. Build a personal relationship now and continue after she leaves. If you are just someone she works with then you have no chance.

[nikos]

Thanks for your answers

 

i think i afraid too much maybe i should stop thinking what if and what people in my work might think of me if they learn what happened and what do they say for me,perhaps im afraid cause my self confidence is very low and in the recent years i got some weight,im 1.90 height(6 feet) 120 kg(265 pounds),i was also got betrayed in my last relationship

 

But i really haven't felt like this for any other in recent years,i mean i recently met her,we didnt even got out and i like her so much, her personality,her smile,her voice,i didnt even watch her sexually, i mean in recent years all the womens i met or tried to met i watched them for their nice look and for their nice bodies(sorry if i offend in any way the girl users here)and then i tried to understand and love their personalities.

 

I dont know when and where i will get the chance a again,so i dont want to lose my chance,i will speak to her this week it doesnt have to feel like i like her,i will just ask her phone and if she want to go out with me.

 

any advice for how i can ask her to go out?i want atleast find the right timing and a nice way to ask her.

 

ps:also one more positive that i didnt tell you in my first post,maybe is most important one or im just having fantasy, in the first time we spoke,we discuss the last summer vacation we both go to last summer,she told me that in the place i did go her best friend is from there but couldnt remember the exact village,after one week in a random conversation,she said to me ''aaa when i was speaking to my friend about y...'' she then stoped talking and said my friend is from that village.

 

i want your opinion about this maybe im thinking this things too much but this is good right?she talked her friend about me.

 

thanks

Edited January 16, 2016 by nikos

[gaius]

If you're busy making lists of pro's and con's I wouldn't bother with her really. Your hesitation is your body telling you it's not right for you. When the right woman comes along you won't really have a choice in the matter, you'll have to ask her out. There will be no other option and you won't give a damn about rejection.

 

I met my girlfriend and the next thing I knew I was moving to Tallahassee where she lives and there was never any doubt or hesitation in my mind. I had to be with her.

[IronZ]

I don't know how you do it, living your life with all these insecurities and uncertainties. I was the same way this past year and the one before that and it was killing me. Just ask her out. If she rejects you, then you know there's nothing to get hung up about. If you live in this limbo middle-ground you will be miserable. Better to know than not know. Ask and if you're lucky you'll get the answer you want. If not, just move on with your life.

[4blossoms]

Don't panic about the time constraint! Yes, she will leave in 2 weeks, but 2 weeks is enough time to become just friends, right? Talk to her and help her out. Invite her to go get coffee. Ask for her email or add her on Facebook. Since you don't have much time you want to focus the time that you do have on establishing a good rapport and friendship. Then try to get her contact information. This way once you have some way of getting in touch with her, you have have more leisure time to work yourself up psychologically and develop confidence when asking her out. Don't force yourself to make things happen in such a short time. Just use this time to be friends and make a good impression on her. After she leaves in 2 weeks, then ask her out for coffee or lunch. Start casual before you ask her to dinner. Give her a chance to figure out if she feels chemistry with you.

 

When you ask her out after she leaves the company your coworkers won't find out (unless she blabs to them--and if she does, this isn't a girl worth dating).

Edited January 16, 2016 by 4blossoms