meanie_monday Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 So last night I had a dream that my fiance was cheating on me and I woke up super pissed off at him and ranted to him about it and how I can see him cheating in the future. Suffice it to say, he did not take it well and freaked out at me and told me to leave him alone because he wasn't fond of me at the moment. I had realized how dumb I was for projecting some dream's events on him and I tried apologizing for it but he's not having it. He says the bottom line is that i don't trust him for thinking that he'd cheat. Should I just wait for it to blow over? I feel bad that insecurities from a dream caused us to fight and no, I don't think he would cheat. I do trust him but I let some stupid dream get to me. I feel really mad at myself for letting something so stupid happen and I don't know how to ameliorate the problem. Any suggestions?
Gaeta Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 Leave him alone for a while. It's that simple. When he approaches you again then you can apologize properly and profusely. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 A big part of me hopes you're not serious with this. I mean, you freaked on him over a dream?! I'd be extremely upset with you too. That's absurd. Your response to your dream suggests you don't trust him; your actions spoke a lot louder than your subsequent words, OP. You made a pretty serious accusation that you can't take back. What on earth were you expecting him to say to that? Soothe you and promise he wouldn't ever cheat in real life or in your dreams again? Not good. So, examine the reason why a freakin' dream had the power to provoke your insecurity, which you projected as anger. What is it about him you mistrust? If you weren't feeling insecure for some reason, you wouldn't have reacted like that. Where is this coming from? Give your fiance time to cool off. And get a handle on your emotions! 9
Wewon Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 So last night I had a dream that my fiance was cheating on me and I woke up super pissed off at him and ranted to him about it and how I can see him cheating in the future. Give him the space he requested. Most likely this will blow over, especially if its a one-of. On the other hand, if you have a history of justifying a behavior solely on an emotion, then he may need some reassurance that you're handling this. He's about to make a lifetime commitment, he's picturing all sorts of misery that will later be justified with, "I was mad so it doesn't count!".
Jejangles Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 I once had a work colleague / close friend act very odd with me all day at work. Suddenly at the end of the day she said "oh my god, I've been feeling annoyed with you all day because of something you said but I just realised you only said it in my dream". The point is, dreams can feel very real and they may point to something in reality or they may not. Anyway, you have already apologised so give it some time then maybe when he seems to have cooled off apologise sincerely again just to let him know you really are sorry. Then try to go back to normal, your actions over time will let him know you trust him. In future, perhaps sit with your feelings a little more.It really is unfair to wake up from a dream and start blasting your fiance for nothing. But also do some self reflection - is there a part of you that really does feel he could cheat? And if so, why is that?
Buddhist Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 So last night I had a dream that my fiance was cheating on me and I woke up super pissed off at him and ranted to him about it and how I can see him cheating in the future. Suffice it to say, he did not take it well and freaked out at me and told me to leave him alone because he wasn't fond of me at the moment. I had realized how dumb I was for projecting some dream's events on him and I tried apologizing for it but he's not having it. He says the bottom line is that i don't trust him for thinking that he'd cheat. Should I just wait for it to blow over? I feel bad that insecurities from a dream caused us to fight and no, I don't think he would cheat. I do trust him but I let some stupid dream get to me. I feel really mad at myself for letting something so stupid happen and I don't know how to ameliorate the problem. Any suggestions? You don't fix a problem with a guy by chasing after him when he says leave me alone for a bit. You respect his request and let him cool off and come to his own decision about what this means. Maybe it means something to him or maybe it means very little except it was irritating in the moment. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 I have had two women in my relationship history get pissed off at me over something I did or said in a dream. This stuff is not as rare as you would hope. Dang. Guess I've been woman-ing wrong all along. Time to find some roller coasters to rage at, for making scary appearances in my dreams. But seriously - it's alarming that people get angry at loved ones for inventions created in their own brains. 1
smackie9 Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 If my partner woke me up freaking on me about a dream of me cheating on them....I would question their sanity. Then I would proceed to show them the door. 4
loveweary11 Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 My mentally ill ex did this every few months. Would stay mad/weird for hours. 1
Qboro90 Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 This is so common, especially with girls. I've had multiple girls get pissed and start arguments with me because they had a dream where I cheated on them the night before. The best thing a guy can do is let it slide off and act like you're irrational for even bringing it up until you realize how silly it is that you're upset at him for it. But I've had a few dreams like that myself and it's crazy because you actually feel the real emotion you would as if it was actually happening so it's tough to escape that once you wake up. You just have to keep telling yourself that it was only a dream and not a premonition into what he's gonna do in the future. If anything, the reason people have those kinds of dreams is because they love their partner and their subconscious is terrified of having their heart broken and losing them. But girls tend to take it as a sign that he's doing something or will do something. Respect his space for a little bit, don't bring it up again unless he does and then apologize and it'll be done with. Don't make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. That's what he's upset about. If you need to reassure him of your trust then do so. ..... And if you really wanna get past it... Sex and being a little more initiative is a great way to do so. Lol... Seriously tho.
kendahke Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 So last night I had a dream that my fiance was cheating on me and I woke up super pissed off at him and ranted to him about it and how I can see him cheating in the future. Suffice it to say, he did not take it well and freaked out at me and told me to leave him alone because he wasn't fond of me at the moment. I had realized how dumb I was for projecting some dream's events on him and I tried apologizing for it but he's not having it. He says the bottom line is that i don't trust him for thinking that he'd cheat. Should I just wait for it to blow over? I feel bad that insecurities from a dream caused us to fight and no, I don't think he would cheat. I do trust him but I let some stupid dream get to me. I feel really mad at myself for letting something so stupid happen and I don't know how to ameliorate the problem. Any suggestions? If you don't think he would cheat, why would you tell him you could see him cheating in the future? That's character assassination. He's not going to forget that for some time. Has he given you a reason to have this opinion of him? I mean, I can see waking up from a dream like that and saying "wow, I just had a messed up dream that you cheated on me, and I know you wouldn't. I'm so confused about why I would dream that". I can't see waking up from that same dream and saying "I just had a messed up dream that you cheated on me and I can totally see you you cheating in the future". ????? How does he go walk that one off? If you want to figure out how to ameliorate the problem, you might want to examine what is being worked out in your subconscious through dreams like this. Yeah, it's not surprising that he's not having anything to do with your apology. You've given him a lot to rethink. He's right--you did basically tell him you didn't trust him. I don't think anyone who is mentally well adjusted would take a baseless accusation like that well. 1
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