Coollaxer Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Well forget my last tread... She just dropped this bomb on me that she is losing feelings, or lost connection, here's what she said after I asked her what's going on in her head and what's wrong. " I just don't know. I've felt so out of place lately with friends and obviously stuff at home isn't going great either and now lately I feel like I've lost my connection with you and I know sometimes that happens with people and there's nothing that can be done, but I'm not ready to throw away this relationship I don't think. And being that I won't have much service in Vermont I just want to go away to clear my head and find myself again and figure out what to do. Because I do love you and I really care about you but reality is, I'm leaving for college this year and I don't want to be as attached to you as I am because it's going to make it harder and I'm also falling behind from being so busy so I need to stay on top of my game even if that means I can't see you. And most of all, more than anything, I want our connection back because lately I feel like it's not there and it's the worst feeling but like it's making it hard because I kinda feel like empty space. I used to feel so alive with you, now I just kinda feel like nothing. I just miss how things/feelings used to be. And I want them back. Maybe I've lost some feelings but it might just be because I'm scared about college and like what's going on right now with friends and family or maybe they're real feelings. And I feel like this time away will help me figure that out. Because I do love you. I love you so so much and you have brought so many wonderful things to my life and I really don't want to lose that. I just feel like we got so serious and now I feel lost." What does this mean?
Timshel Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 It's obvious by the number of threads you have made about this woman that you care deeply and are wanting to make a relationship work with her. Coollaxer...it's time to call it quits. I know that it can be difficult to walk away but this is a good life lesson for you. This will not be your last relationship, you will have several more. I don't want to be harsh but she is not into you. She isn't. You have been beating yourself up trying to figure out what you are doing wrong and the truth is nothing. You aren't doing anything wrong. She is enjoying your attention but she does not want you. Please walk away....for your self respect and peace of mind. This rejection is not about you and there is nothing for you to fix. Sometimes it simply is not meant to be. Let it go. I'm sorry that you are hurt but this is life. 3
Author Coollaxer Posted January 14, 2016 Author Posted January 14, 2016 It's obvious by the number of threads you have made about this woman that you care deeply and are wanting to make a relationship work with her. Coollaxer...it's time to call it quits. I know that it can be difficult to walk away but this is a good life lesson for you. This will not be your last relationship, you will have several more. I don't want to be harsh but she is not into you. She isn't. You have been beating yourself up trying to figure out what you are doing wrong and the truth is nothing. You aren't doing anything wrong. She is enjoying your attention but she does not want you. Please walk away....for your self respect and peace of mind. This rejection is not about you and there is nothing for you to fix. Sometimes it simply is not meant to be. Let it go. I'm sorry that you are hurt but this is life. She still tells me that she wants this relationship though and she wants me
katiegrl Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 (edited) She still tells me that she wants this relationship though and she wants me I didn't read where she said that. But even if she has said that to you, that's a mixed or double message, cause what I read was that she has *lost her connection* to you and she needs space to *find herself*. And that she feels lost. And she is confused about whether or not she wants to continue RL with you. Translation: She wants out. Sorry. You need to listen to *that* message. She may love you, but there are different types of love....and her love for you sounds more like a love she would feel for a good friend or a brother. She is emotionally attached for sure, but that is not love. It's attachment. She has lost her romantic love for you, her desire for you....that's obvious. Please move on .....it's time. Edited January 14, 2016 by katiegrl 3
Gaeta Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Like the others have said it's time to break up. Set her free to figure out her life. She is sad to let you go but only because of the good memories. She has been unhappy in this relationship and so have you. She is also feeling guilt for hurting you but all this is not good enough to remain together. She loves you, has affection for you, but she is not 'in love' with you. I'm sorry.
Author Coollaxer Posted January 14, 2016 Author Posted January 14, 2016 You guys don't think it's possible to get anything to work again? When I ask her if she loves me as a lover and not a friend she says yes. I just feel like it will work again if I can do those fun things and not just stay inside and watch tv all day, i just care for her so much. I really do.
PegNosePete Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 What does this mean? It means it's over. Time to stop flogging that dead horse. It's dead.
katiegrl Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 You guys don't think it's possible to get anything to work again? When I ask her if she loves me as a lover and not a friend she says yes. I just feel like it will work again if I can do those fun things and not just stay inside and watch tv all day, i just care for her so much. I really do. Again she has told you she lost the connection. She needs space. That is what you need to listen to... Clearly, she cares on some level and does not want to hurt your feelings, Hence the other message (she loves you,). Respect her wishes, and give her the space she asked for....preferably forever. This shipped has sailed!
Qboro90 Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 You guys are both still in high school and she's unable to tell you directly that she's checked out of the relationship so she's feeding you a polite line of crap to keep you on the back burner while she basically does whatever she wants and can use the excuse "I told you I wanted to take time and think about things" while she's at it. You're letting her off the hook by being so submissive about everything she's saying to you as well. It's time you stand your ground and start telling her what you want. She says she "wants the spark back" and for you to make things like they were. If I were you I'd be saying "how can I re ignite the spark when your literally telling me you're unsure if you want to keep dating." That's on her, not you. No relationship is going to always have the same excitement as it does during the first couple months. But it's a two way street in keeping that alive. She's not holding her end of the bargain. Now she's complaining about going away to college and being unsure , blah blah blah. You should tell her "listen, I'm not dating anyone who isn't sure whether or not they want to be with me. And I'm not gonna hang around and wait for your figure that out, or jump through hoops and try and prove to you how much I care about you. You should know that by know and I know that I'm actually a pretty darn good BF. I don't appreciate you trying to make me feel like I'm not and its all on me to fix us." When you stop letting her dictate your future, that's when you'll gain her admiration back and she'll realize that the grass isn't always greener. 2
Robratory Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 You like Katy Perry? Check it out. She wrote this just for your situation.
Blanco Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 I know most high school relationships end in marriage, but I think you've gotta let this one go, bud. You're both 18, which I assume means you'll be moving on this fall. Most people don't want to college with a vestige of their high school life (i.e. relationship) still intact. You might be doing yourself a favor to cut her loose now. 1
Qboro90 Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 If you're both in hs then trust people with more experience when we tell you that she's not going to be the last girl you date or fall in love with. The sooner you realize that, the easier it'll be . 1
dispatch3d Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 holy god that message is way mushier than my limit. I'd say its time to move on.....
Leucine Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 (edited) You guys don't think it's possible to get anything to work again? When I ask her if she loves me as a lover and not a friend she says yes. I just feel like it will work again if I can do those fun things and not just stay inside and watch tv all day, i just care for her so much. I really do. She fed you a lengthy paragraph of text making it crystal clear that she wants to get away from you, sugar coated with a few endearing terms here and there in order to avoid hurting your feelings too much. But perhaps she should have in order for you to be able to take the hint, and prevent you from hurting yourself any further by clinging onto her. You appear to be ignoring her actual message while seeing the I love you's as a beacon of hope, something that they're not. Think about it if a buddy showed you a message like that from a girl. You would laugh and tell him it's time to move on, right? And no, your case isn't any more special. Edited January 15, 2016 by Leucine 1
Author Coollaxer Posted January 15, 2016 Author Posted January 15, 2016 I talked to her last night and we talked in person. She basically said please hear me out. ( this is after 20 minutes of passionately kissing..) she said she loves me very much and she said that she's sorry for saying she's losing feelings, it wasn't that she's losing feelings it's that she felt that we lost our "connection" bc I didn't seem like I was into her the other week.. ( I don't know what makes her think that bc I always am Into her.) but she told me that for a week or so she felt that she "thought" she wanted to be just friends bc she has seen her friend just got broken up and Is havin a blast... She said that she does want me. She does want the relationship. And that I have done nothing wrong for this to happen but she wants to go away to clear her head of all the personal problems she's having ( she has HIGHHHH anxiety and overthinking issues.) and she told me maybe it's the fact that her still in high school and me in college (I stay at home bc I go to a community college and live 5 mins away so no problem here really) she's worried about when she goes to college this is the 3rd time she has felt that space will help us miss each other but I asked her straight up last night are you trying to spare my feelings? Cause if you are don't. And she Said she's not and that she just has no clue what's going on in her head and what's going on right now... But before I left she told me " we are going to be fine. I promise, I just need to work these things out." I told her today what ever decision she makes, make sure it makes you happy. I also told her I can't keep waiting around for her anymore, for her to make up her mind and not know what's she wants. And that there is a breaking point for everything and I don't know when I will hit they point but I don't know how many more times I can go through this. And she told me the biggest fear is that if she does leave and decided that it was the wrong decision that she is scared I won't take her back. What do you guys think????????
smackie9 Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 Who cares what we think.......you are the one that is willing to take the risk....then so be it.....ride the wave.
Gaeta Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 I think the same thing as I thought in your last threads. Break up loud and clear. That's what she is doing with you she is breaking up but she doesn't have the heart or the courage of doing it clearly! Let her go figure herself out. She is dragging you along. Maybe you are meant to be together but not right now. What will be will be. Staying with you just because she is afraid you won't take her back down the road is a poor excuse to be in a relationship with you. You realize that? So end it. If she comes back in 6 months saying she made a bad decision THEN if you are still single you can assess the situation. You can't promise how you will feel about her in 6 months.
brothers343 Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 Give her that permanant space and watch how fast she lasts....she's playing with your head and well...your letting her. Your in college man. Enjoy the experience. 1
MightyQuinn Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 I hate to say it, but she's in high school, you're in college. That alone is enough to likely doom your relationship. Though it might not seem like it, you're in different phases of your life, and it won't sync up again until after both of you are through college - if it even syncs up then. Freshman year to senior year, your life is going to change a lot. You're going to learn things that change your perspective and what you want out of life, and for the future. And she hasn't even started the change, because she is in high school, but once freshman year starts for her, she's going to be changing, too. Even if you get through this and stay together in the short run, for the long run, this is far too turbulent of a time for any young adult. My homeroom teacher my senior year in high school "made" me and all of her other students sign a "contract" that none of us would get married before age 25. She said it was because you change so much, you don't really know who you're going to be until then. I thought she was being silly, but I found out through experience that she was exactly right, and most of that change happens while you're in college, and the rest of it happens when you're really become in charge of your own life, with no professors to answers to and you're out of your parents home. Again... Sorry to rain down the sadness... But let her go, and try to enjoy college life. 1
Author Coollaxer Posted January 15, 2016 Author Posted January 15, 2016 I just want to apologize to everyone for helping me and me making this so difficult. I honestly love her so much and I want to see where it goes but I can't break up with her. I just simply don't have the heart to! I need to hear it from her thst SHE isn't into me or she doesn't want to be in this anymore. Which I honestly don't get why she wouldn't when she tells me " I don't know why I feel like this, you have given me everything and I don't know why I would ever get rid of you, I just feel confused." And that and so on. But I've just tried so hard and I don't wanna quit. Or quit yet I should say, obviously if she "needs space" a bunch more times I'll have to end it bc it's not worth the heart ache. But I just can't do it I need to hear it from her... That she doesn't want this anymore... I feel like she does but I don't know. I'm sorry again for being so stubborn it something inside of me is telling me to just keep trying but I know it's not fair to me or her. I just need to keep trying and I feel like an idiot for saying it but I think I'm gonna try for a little while longer
ExpatInItaly Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 I think she's very young and wants to have fun and play the field. She's not girlfriend material whatsoever. A girl who is really into you doesn't behave the way she is. Plain and simple. I think you're being kept on the back-burner while she flirts and probably messes around with other guys, to be perfectly honest. Sorry, but I think that's what all these requests for spacer is about - I would bet any money there's another guy she likes. I say this because I was a lot like her at her age, and that's exactly what I did. Don't expect to hear from her that she doesn't want to be with you. You're the Fallback Guy. She knows you won't go anywhere while she has fun and does who knows what. And you'll be there to take her back every time because, to be blunt, you apparently have zero boundaries. If you want to be hurt even more, just keep doing what you're doing. She's not in love with you, not by a long shot.
Author Coollaxer Posted January 15, 2016 Author Posted January 15, 2016 I think she's very young and wants to have fun and play the field. She's not girlfriend material whatsoever. A girl who is really into you doesn't behave the way she is. Plain and simple. I think you're being kept on the back-burner while she flirts and probably messes around with other guys, to be perfectly honest. Sorry, but I think that's what all these requests for spacer is about - I would bet any money there's another guy she likes. I say this because I was a lot like her at her age, and that's exactly what I did. Don't expect to hear from her that she doesn't want to be with you. You're the Fallback Guy. She knows you won't go anywhere while she has fun and does who knows what. And you'll be there to take her back every time because, to be blunt, you apparently have zero boundaries. If you want to be hurt even more, just keep doing what you're doing. She's not in love with you, not by a long shot. When we were talking last night, before that she was talking to me before we had spoken in person, And she was snap chatting one of her friends, a family friend that is a male and she accidentally sent them to me ( it wasn't even pics of her she was using pics of her tv and giving like one word responses.) and she told me she was snap chatting him. And I asked her if she was trying to "talk to him" and she told me no and I don't think she would use me as a fall back guy.. She's just not like that what so ever... I was talking to my brother and he thinks she's just lost and that she doesn't know what she wants right now...
Author Coollaxer Posted January 15, 2016 Author Posted January 15, 2016 I think she's very young and wants to have fun and play the field. She's not girlfriend material whatsoever. A girl who is really into you doesn't behave the way she is. Plain and simple. I think you're being kept on the back-burner while she flirts and probably messes around with other guys, to be perfectly honest. Sorry, but I think that's what all these requests for spacer is about - I would bet any money there's another guy she likes. I say this because I was a lot like her at her age, and that's exactly what I did. Don't expect to hear from her that she doesn't want to be with you. You're the Fallback Guy. She knows you won't go anywhere while she has fun and does who knows what. And you'll be there to take her back every time because, to be blunt, you apparently have zero boundaries. If you want to be hurt even more, just keep doing what you're doing. She's not in love with you, not by a long shot. But I also told her I can't do this much longer so she knows that I don't know if I can do this if it keeps up so much...
ExpatInItaly Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 When we were talking last night, before that she was talking to me before we had spoken in person, And she was snap chatting one of her friends, a family friend that is a male and she accidentally sent them to me ( it wasn't even pics of her she was using pics of her tv and giving like one word responses.) and she told me she was snap chatting him. And I asked her if she was trying to "talk to him" and she told me no and I don't think she would use me as a fall back guy.. She's just not like that what so ever... I was talking to my brother and he thinks she's just lost and that she doesn't know what she wants right now... Dude, she already is. And you already are Fallback Guy. You keep hanging on while she takes space to "figure herself out." You're already the proverbial safety net. I don't agree with your brother, which probably comes as no surprise. She's not lost. She wants to flirt and have fun and explore boys. I was her.
Author Coollaxer Posted January 15, 2016 Author Posted January 15, 2016 Dude, she already is. And you already are Fallback Guy. You keep hanging on while she takes space to "figure herself out." You're already the proverbial safety net. I don't agree with your brother, which probably comes as no surprise. She's not lost. She wants to flirt and have fun and explore boys. I was her. But she's been used and in an abused relationship. She truly knows how it feels to be used... I don't think she's using me for that, maybe as a safety net ( which I am not okay with if she doesn't want to be in this relationship) but I don't think she is flirting with other guys, but maybe she just wants something different from me ?
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