His mistress is pregnant and is threatening him about the child.

[Ouzabig585]

I am 41 years old and I found out about a year ago that my husband was having an affair. I was devestated. However we dealt with it and I forgave him. After he broke up with her, things were to my knowledge really good, and I felt like we were going to make it. However I found out a few months ago that they were back together - temporily due to her having a job transfer that was ending. I then found out that she is actually pregnant with his baby. She decieved him and told him that she was still taking the pill when she wasn't. Long story short, she is having his baby, he has chosen to stay with me and our children. He is struggling though because she doesn't want him to have anything to do with the child if he stays with me. And yet it is his child. So he hasn't fully broken it off with her because he's trying to work out the logistics (as amicably as possible) of raising this child that is coming into exsistence. I have made it very clear to him that I recognize that this is not the childs choice and that I will support him in supporting and loving the child (as I love him very much). I don't know how to get him to see that he shouldn't be continuing any relationship with the OW (who is only 19 years old and works in a Domino's outlet, she looks like Amy Childs, FFS!!). I also don't want to kick him out because my children are too important to me and that will just mess with their stability. Kicking him out just doesn't feel right to me and yet I wonder if I need to just to make a point. I'm lost and don't know what to do.

Posted from a library in Birmingham, UK. This is a public computer.

[NotCamelot]

Proceed very cautiously. Regardless of what he thinks, you think or what the OW says, he WILL be involved with that woman is some fashion for a very, very long time. Can you live with that?

 

 

There is no way that she will never have contact with your H after this baby is born. I can understand your feelings and his as well. However, he has "carried on" with her even after your discovery......thus making this baby. And it is quite possible that the baby is going to be used as leverage to bring him back to her.

 

 

I am really sorry for what you are going through and do, indeed, wish you the best. There are a lot of good people here and you will get a lot of advice; both good and bad.

 

 

As for my advice, I will only say this: seek out an attorney that specializes in family law. Explain very fully what is going on. This can help to protect you and your current children from the claws that the OW is going to attach to your H and your family's income.

 

 

I won't try to tell you what to do with your marriage. That is something only you can work through. But I think you have a long and sometimes very painful road ahead should you try to make the marriage work. Though, I hope you do make it work and that you will be happy.

[Ouzabig585]

His spending habits are concerning me, he bought 3 Holophane QSS's from another council up the road, not our city's one, and they're now in our bedroom, they're keeping me awake at night. Look up on Google what a Holophane QSS is if you don't know. It's a type of light. Is he in some kinda midlife crisis? BTW, I found out he has also been buying pinot grigio - 12 bottles of the stuff in the garage this morning whas what i found.

[purplesorrow]

He was cheating while pretending to reconcile with you? The deception lies with him. If he was working on his marriage, there shouldn't have been an opportunity to get her pregnant. You are giving him far too much credit. If he is with her still, you are not reconciling. You are just allowing him to treat you and your marriage poorly. Take care of you and your kids. Where is your anger?

[NotCamelot]

His spending habits are concerning me, he bought 3 Holophane QSS's from another council up the road, not our city's one, and they're now in our bedroom, they're keeping me awake at night. Look up on Google what a Holophane QSS is if you don't know. It's a type of light. Is he in some kinda midlife crisis? BTW, I found out he has also been buying pinot grigio - 12 bottles of the stuff in the garage this morning whas what i found.

 

It is possible that some things the OW likes have become things he now likes. It happens all the time. It's just like when people start out a relationship. Each side will take on likes and dislikes of the partner. Maybe that is what is going on.

 

 

Mid-life crisis? The entire mess may be that!

[RySant]

His spending habits are concerning me, he bought 3 Holophane QSS's from another council up the road, not our city's one, and they're now in our bedroom, they're keeping me awake at night. Look up on Google what a Holophane QSS is if you don't know. It's a type of light. Is he in some kinda midlife crisis? BTW, I found out he has also been buying pinot grigio - 12 bottles of the stuff in the garage this morning whas what i found.

 

What in the world?!

 

Anyway, I dunno what to say to you. If I am in your position, and I have financial means to be able to handle my children, I will stay OUT of this marriage. But that's just me.

 

But, you decided to stay. I am thinking about how I can deal with it, but I can't think of any. What's the explanation of your husband when he engaged with this woman again? I mean, why did he do it again?

[Mrs. John Adams]

My fear for you is that the pull of this woman is very strong.... And a baby will make it stronger.

 

She will forever now have a permanent place in your life... Whether you like it or not... And there is nothing you can do about it.

[brothers343]

The truth is your husband has to take care of that child weather is financially,emotionally or both. I least that's what a real man will do. Your in a tough situation becouse you took him back. And weather she is 19 or works at a dominos.....thats really irrelevant becouse apparently he didn't much care if she did. It looks like she holds all the cards and you as the good wife hold none. If i were you i would let him go......don't let that (love) word influance you. Even that word has its bad traits

[BlueIris]

I am 41 years old and I found out about a year ago that my husband was having an affair. I was devestated. However we dealt with it and I forgave him. After he broke up with her, things were to my knowledge really good, and I felt like we were going to make it. However I found out a few months ago that they were back together - temporily due to her having a job transfer that was ending. I then found out that she is actually pregnant with his baby. She decieved him and told him that she was still taking the pill when she wasn't. Long story short, she is having his baby, he has chosen to stay with me and our children. He is struggling though because she doesn't want him to have anything to do with the child if he stays with me. And yet it is his child. So he hasn't fully broken it off with her because he's trying to work out the logistics (as amicably as possible) of raising this child that is coming into exsistence. I have made it very clear to him that I recognize that this is not the childs choice and that I will support him in supporting and loving the child (as I love him very much). I don't know how to get him to see that he shouldn't be continuing any relationship with the OW (who is only 19 years old and works in a Domino's outlet, she looks like Amy Childs, FFS!!). I also don't want to kick him out because my children are too important to me and that will just mess with their stability. Kicking him out just doesn't feel right to me and yet I wonder if I need to just to make a point. I'm lost and don't know what to do.

Posted from a library in Birmingham, UK. This is a public computer.

 

Think more about whether staying with him does give your children stability or whether you could build a more stable life for them if he moved out. I don't think there's an easy answer to that because your husband, their dad, does not sound stable, reliable or honest.

[whichwayisup]

Well first off, a paternity test needs to be done to make sure the baby is actually his.

 

Secondly, you need to decide what you want to do. Stay married and be a stepmom to another woman's baby or divorce.

[anika99]

He is playing you so bad. He tricked you into a false reconciliation while still carrying on the affair. That is evil. Now he's having the affair right under your nose and claiming he has to if he wants to see his baby. That is bs. If this child is important to him he can take the mother to court for visiting rights. If I were you I would contact a lawyer and find out what you have to do to protect your own children.

[dreamingoftigers]

I missed the part where she is doing anything "threatening." Regarding the child.

 

And where does this information come from?

 

If it comes from him, I freaking doubt it just because he hasn't said anything truthful yet.

[RySant]

Think more about whether staying with him does give your children stability or whether you could build a more stable life for them if he moved out. I don't think there's an easy answer to that because your husband, their dad, does not sound stable, reliable or honest.

 

TRUE!!! For me, if this situation will get through, it will do more harm than good. I mean, do you really want your kids to think it's okay for them two have to sets of "families?"

 

Two scenarios here depending on how it will turn out:

 

1.) If this went okay, your kids might think they can do what their father did.

2.) If it sucks, then there will be emotional trauma, jealousy, attention seeking problems but because of it, they might feel strongly for monogamy in their own life (still damaged though)

[Popsicle]

Umm, your husband is pulling the wool over your eyes. He just wants to continue having an A and stay married too.

 

But let's pretend he's not pulling the wool over your eyes and doing what you say....

 

It Sounds like you've already made the decision that you will stay with him while another woman has his child so the rest can be left up to the legal system to work out. Doing so will take the decision making out of you hands. If your husband wants to see the child (and you support him in doing this) then all he has to do is ask for visitation through the courts and they will absolutely grant it.

[bathtub-row]

I wouldn't stay in this marriage for anything in the world. This guy is doing nothing but lying to you. I'd rather get a job and work any day of the week than deal with that.

[Popsicle]

I wouldn't stay in this marriage for anything in the world. This guy is doing nothing but lying to you. I'd rather get a job and work any day of the week than deal with that.

 

But the kids! ....

[RySant]

But the kids! ....

 

I have been in this situation before. and I am one of the children. It sucks big time but when my father was that emotionally abusive with my mom, I was the one who told my mom to "leave Papa already, kick him out." I was 10 years old.

 

My mom thanks the heavens for having such a matured "kid." Maybe I am, but that doesn't mean I am not damaged because I am. (I have severe trust issues, and scared to be cheated on so I avoid commitments) So much. But we are much MUCH in a better place now, and I believe that if my mother stayed with my Papa during those times, I would be 100x more damaged than now.

 

As a kid who dealt this ind of stuff, I tell you, your kids are better off NOT SEEING their father playing hubby and father in another woman's life.

[dreamingoftigers]

I wouldn't stay in this marriage for anything in the world. This guy is doing nothing but lying to you. I'd rather get a job and work any day of the week than deal with that.

 

ANY DAY?! WHAT ABOUT WEEKENDS!?

 

just kidding.

[dreamingoftigers]

I have been in this situation before. and I am one of the children. It sucks big time but when my father was that emotionally abusive with my mom, I was the one who told my mom to "leave Papa already, kick him out." I was 10 years old.

 

My mom thanks the heavens for having such a matured "kid." Maybe I am, but that doesn't mean I am not damaged because I am. (I have severe trust issues, and scared to be cheated on so I avoid commitments) So much. But we are much MUCH in a better place now, and I believe that if my mother stayed with my Papa during those times, I would be 100x more damaged than now.

 

As a kid who dealt this ind of stuff, I tell you, your kids are better off NOT SEEING their father playing hubby and father in another woman's life.

 

My father was (is?) A total liar / cheater too.

 

We have no relationship despite him staying with my Mom. And my Mom and I do have a relationship.

 

I hated his guts for a long long time until I stopped caring and realized he's just a total attention-seeking narcissist.

 

But I really hated MY MOTHER for a long time for staying with the idiot. Even using us kids as an excuse.

 

We would have been FAR HAPPIER without him dragging his constant bullshyte drama into our lives. It was always "all about him."

 

You divorcing him isn't messing up your kids stability. It's GETTING RID OF the unstable element.

 

I was so mad at my mother for trying to "love it all better" for years and even acting like "poor innocent Chris" was just some kid who got MANIPULATED by his "big bad mistress."

 

He was an adult male with children ffs.

 

What does it say that your "adult male" is getting "MANIPULATED and threatened" by a 19 year-old at Dominoes pizza? Seriously. He held the power in this relatoonsjip. Great real. It wasn't like she sent the Dominoes Mafia after him to sleep with her "or else he sleeps with the pizza boxes."

 

He chased her. It's so painfully obvious that it smacks of stupidity to believe otherwise.

 

Lady, he cheated, stop weeping in the corner for this guy and let him have some consequences.

 

I mean he has expensive crap in your room that makes it so you can't sleep well? Seriously. Set some kind of boundary. SOME KIND.

[still_an_Angel]

Having a baby is a commitment, if you decide you still want to stay married to your H, be ready to have his OW in your lives for the next 18 years. That baby is his responsibility and even if your H swears that there is no more relationship with the child's mother, they will still be in your lives as your H co-parents with his OW.

[sandylee1]

At what point do you decide enough is enough?

 

What does your husband have to do to you..... for you to realise he's a serial cheater?

 

So she says unless he leaves you..he can't see the kid? That's what courts are for. Get a paternity test and sort out visitation.

 

You stipulate no contact between the two of them. .. that you're not aware of.

 

Speak to a solicitor and you'll get advice regarding legal seperation ....if applicable...so you file for CS and protect your kids.

 

You need to firm up boundaries regarding contact between them....get a third party as an intermediary

 

You might want to establish if she's really pregnant..as some lie about it.. then fake a miscarriage. All done to try and win the prize.

 

 

Now focus on the important stuff...where she works isn't the issue.

 

You might want to tell her parents.... she might be 19... but responsible respectable parents won't be impressed with her.

 

 

Focus on your husband cheating and risking your sexual health....without protection. Put the blame for cheating with your husband and start making him face consequences.

 

 

If he knows you'll never leave..he'll continue to cheat and one day you'll end up with a lifelong std and wish you stopped taking his crap.

 

Either that or use a condom with him..then again that's just accepting it....

 

 

Have a dealbreaker......get tough....or prepare to be a betrayed spouse for the rest of your marriage.

[Ladyjane14]

You gave him his one chance and he used it to impregnate a 19-year old. Staying for the kids?... I wouldn't TRUST him around my kids. He impregnated a teenager.

[OneLov]

Given the facts of this situation, staying for the kids will only send a message that it's acceptable to settle for dysfunctional relationships. Please think of them before you make the decision to stand.

[NewLeaf512]

His spending habits are concerning me, he bought 3 Holophane QSS's from another council up the road, not our city's one, and they're now in our bedroom, they're keeping me awake at night. Look up on Google what a Holophane QSS is if you don't know. It's a type of light. Is he in some kinda midlife crisis? BTW, I found out he has also been buying pinot grigio - 12 bottles of the stuff in the garage this morning whas what i found.

 

He's put street lamps in your bedroom? What kind of house do you live in? My house is of a greater than ample size and I couldn't put 3 Holophane QSS's in my bedroom ( and bloody what for!)

[Doublegold]

His having a 'mid-life crisis' is the least of your worries. Here you are posting in a Library because 1) you desperately need advice that you don't want him to know your seeking (WHY?) or 2) you can't afford internet. Either/or this poor excuse of a man is spending money on wine, street lamps and impregnated a 19 year old!

 

Kick him to the curb--and let him take his street lights with him!