Workplace Dating

[Shannon02]

Hi!

 

I'd like to get some feedback on dating in the workplace. I have a teaching degree but teaching positions are hard to come by in my area. For the past 5 years, I've worked as a teacher's aide at a high school. This year, we have a new assistant principal. He is very handsome, my age, and single. Communicating with principals is typically up to the teachers, not me as an assistant, so I've had minimal conversation with him. Mostly just "hello" and "how are you" but I've heard from so many people in the building how very nice and cordial he is. What I do know of him, he meets many of the qualities that I'm looking for. I've been single for a year now after getting out of a bad 9 year relationship. This guy is completely opposite of my ex which is a great thing!! He is not my immediate supervisor. He doesn't have any control over my salary or my day to day schedule. So would it be appropriate to pursue something with him? Also, I don't feel that it's appropriate to discuss personal or social matters at work so would it be ok to approach him through Facebook?

Edited January 15, 2016 by Shannon02

[HereNorThere]

I honestly had the one of the worst experiences ever swimming in the company pool and know many others like me.

 

Sure, it was great until we broke up. Work is supposed to be refuge, a distraction from your personal life. Seeing her name pop up in paperwork, phone calls or seeing her walk to lunch with another person ripped me to shreds. I'm am sooooo lucky that I didn't lose my job because I was quite possibly insane during that time. It was a living hell until she eventually moved to another location. I was lucky because she was on a one year contract. I can't imagine how bad it would be to be reminded of her everyday again. We didn't even work in the same department, but it was still very, very traumatic for me. Ugh.

 

Come to think of it, she's the reason I made my first loveshack account. Lol!

 

However, ymmv.

[d0nnivain]

He can't date you. Period. He is your boss. it will end badly. If you go to another school, fine. Until then stay away.

[PegNosePete]

It would be pretty awkward if he were to turn you down.

 

It would be even more awkward if you date for a little while and then have an acrimonious break-up. One of you would need to find another job. As assistant principal, it wouldn't be him.

 

My advice is steer clear.

[the_entertainer1]

I'm a teacher - I can relate to your situation very well.

 

I've seen a lot of relationships between teachers in the schools I've worked in. They generally seem to be accepted. Schools are different to other workplaces. People work together in close quarters, often out of hours. Teachers just "get" other teachers. We know what we go through with marking, lesson plans, student management, reporting, etc.

 

However, you have to tread carefully. Schools are very tight communities. And teachers are under scrutiny now more than ever. Your personal life, as well as your professional life, has to be squeaky clean.

 

Your AP sounds like a great guy. It's easy to find great guys who are teachers. I've fallen for coworkers before. They're good looking, responsible, kind, intelligent and great with kids - what's not to love?! There was a particular coworker, who everyone else liked too. I never wanted him to find out how I felt though (I was scared of the repercussions, professionally). Only after a couple of years (and me getting a promotion at a different school) did I find out that he liked me too! We still made the decision not to pursue things, even though we were in different schools, because of potential professional repercussions. In schools, people talk. Your colleagues talk. Students talk. Parents talk. Anything that can be used against you, will be. That sounds paranoid, but it's what I've seen in my experience.

 

If you decide you want to pursue things with this guy anyway - get more info first. Is he Facebook friends with other colleagues? (If he is, it's a green light to add him. If he's not, then don't; he probably thinks adding colleagues on Facebook is unprofessional). Get to know him at work (or after work) instead - every teacher I know discusses personal/social matters at work! Start with school-related stuff and go from there (holidays, movies/books, etc.)

 

I know you said you don't report directly to him, but be prepared for the potential for that to change in the future. If you do (or don't) date him, will it affect job opportunities later on? If you date and break up, how will that feel?

 

Good luck - keep us posted on what you decide!

[road]

I have known many teachers in the same building that dated each other and then married.

 

 

Go for it.

 

 

I have known many people that meet at work and wound up in good marriages.