People who aren't attracted to their own race

[SwordofFlame]

I wouldn't call people that exclude entire race(s) from their dating pool racists. But depending on their reasons for doing so, these people may also be close-minded and probably not very diverse in their interests, hobbies, social circle etc. Is that really someone you want to date?

[loverboy69]

Some great replies. I know some people will find this really controversial but I just don't see how you can love yourself if you can't be attracted to someone who looks like you and has the same cultural background. It's so worrying that people stereotype their own races and cultures like all the people in it are exactly the same. I kind of get people from race A stereotyping people from race B, saying they're all brutal women beaters blah blah because that stems from ignorance and just lack of exposure. Soon as they are exposed they change their mind. There is no excuse for person of race B to not give their race the same respect they would like given to them.

 

My mom is from a middle eastern country that has loads of negative stereotypes but there is no way that I would discard oh I don't know MILLIONS AND MILLIONS of men who are all completely different. Same as I wouldn't discard white men like my dad (or men from any race for any matter). I understand that people are individual and stereotyping is ridiculous.

 

Sorry but I am sticking to my theory that all people from ethnic minorities who refuse to be in relationships with people from their own race and prefer white people have just not been educated out of the colonial white mindset. Deep down they have to see themselves as inferior and that really sucks.

 

White people not wanting to date other white people, not so sure. Theories appreciated

 

 

You hit the nail on the head.

 

It's not just white people who fall into the stereotype pitfalls of other US cultures. There are blacks and asians who don't like their own races (sexually) for the same stereotypic reasons.

 

Sometimes when you peel back the layers, making a claim that you wouldn't date your own race because of X, Y and Z what you are really saying is that you grew up embarrassed of your race and that you are making huge generalizations by applying stereotypic negatives to an entire group of people.

 

To be fair: Stereotypes do have some bearing on reality but often its grossly exaggerated.

 

Like I said it's completely OK to have our preferences. We're allowed to know what we like and what we don't like. It's just when we are aware of the underlying causes that shape our preferences we can weed the parts out that are otherwise caused by shame.

[Natalie8]

You named this thread people who are not attracted to their own race but then you talk about people who are not willing to date some1 from their own background -these are 2 different issues.

I guess you have no choice over who you are attracted to but you can decide who you date.

I grew up in a small eastern european country and i dont think i would ever want to date someone from back home. But it doesnt mean that im not attracted to my own race.

I dated a black guy who told me he found black girls loud and agressive so he never dated a black girl. He still found some of them attractive.

 

I am very white and im mainly attracted to Oriental, Pacific Islander and Latino men as well as white ones. When i still lived at home, as a teenager, there were very very few nonwhite people in my community. There was only one black guy (mixed race actually) in my whole school, and he had girls throwing themselves at him, because he was 'exotic' and different.

Edited January 15, 2016 by Natalie8

[jay1983]

It's becoming very common. They can easily date white men, but ethnic men dating white women, not so easily done. It leaves us like WTH do we do now?

[S_A]

S A, my mom is middle eastern and my dad white. Here's the deal, I get the reasons why my middle eastern friends would not want to date SOME middle eastern men. What I don't get is how they can stereotype all the men from a vast portion of the world, they also mean americans who have middle eastern parents. I just don't get how anyone, especially people who should know better can think millions and millions of people share the same characteristics. One of my mom's brothers is a stay at home husband who looked after the kids when they were younger. One of her cousins is gay and everybody in the family just wants him to be happy. My mom's family also has three different religions mushed in together. All of these totally go against western stereotypes of middle eastern men. Sure some middle eastern men wouldn't respect women or be homophobic or whatever, but then so would tons of other men from all other races. My point is how can you stereotype your own race and not give it the diversity you would give say white people?

 

The thing is this, middle eastern society/culture can be like an iron curtain. It has a lot of influence over people that are born in to it or part of it. Even if an Americanized middle eastern couple gets together, it can be hard to break away from some of the norms of middle eastern culture; big families, tightly knit networks, etc.

 

Now I am definitely not saying Middle Eastern culture is bad. There definitely is a lot of good. I'm just saying that should two young middle easterns get together and desire to break away from the norms of Middle Eastern culture (for any reason), it can be nigh impossible. For one, pressure from both sides of the family can be difficult to overcome.

 

With that said, even where religions differ, middle eastern culture can still be quite similar from one religious group to the next. For instance, Iranin Jews and Iranian Muslims, while very different, share a lot of similarities. In many ways, Iranian Jews have more in common with Iranian Muslims than they do with non-Iranian Jews!

 

This is a difficult matter to talk about over an internet forum IMO.

Edited January 16, 2016 by S_A

[deckard11]

Here's my reasons for not dating hispanic women. As I said earlier I am a hispanic male. They are generally very possessive, jealous, insecure and clingy. My ex best friend married one and she is the reason he and I are no longer friends.

[solway86]

I am white/Caucasian and English, but although I do like white women, I also am attracted to black, Indian and Asian women as well.

 

Asian has different connotations in the U.S. and Canada, I am aware of that.

[WaitingForBardot]

The thing is this, middle eastern society/culture can be like an iron curtain. It has a lot of influence over people that are born in to it or part of it. Even if an Americanized middle eastern couple gets together, it can be hard to break away from some of the norms of middle eastern culture; big families, tightly knit networks, etc.

 

Now I am definitely not saying Middle Eastern culture is bad. There definitely is a lot of good. I'm just saying that should two young middle easterns get together and desire to break away from the norms of Middle Eastern culture (for any reason), it can be nigh impossible. For one, pressure from both sides of the family can be difficult to overcome.

 

With that said, even where religions differ, middle eastern culture can still be quite similar from one religious group to the next. For instance, Iranin Jews and Iranian Muslims, while very different, share a lot of similarities. In some ways, Iranian Jews have more in common with Iranian Muslims than they do with non-Iranian Jews.

 

This is a difficult matter to talk about over an internet forum IMO.

My wife is middle eastern, 1st American born generation, and this is my take. Her entire, very large extended family are merchant class, while her and a very few of her contemporaries went to school and became working professionals. So by the time she had finished she had essentially priced herself out of her accessible ethnic market intellectually speaking. And unlike many middle eastern women that get educated in western schools and are changed by the freedoms available to them in our culture, many of the men are not so affected and still desire a traditional wife.

 

For years, her parents attempted to arrange a marriage, which in and of itself was never going to go anywhere, and finally gave up... ... last year when we'd been married for 30 yrs! ..lol..

 

And although I hate having to add disclaimers like this, I am not implying that there is anything wrong with being of the merchant class, but their outlook does tend to be different than working professionals. Not better, not worse, just different, and in many ways incompatible.

[S_A]

Here's my reasons for not dating hispanic women. As I said earlier I am a hispanic male. They are generally very possessive, jealous, insecure and clingy. My ex best friend married one and she is the reason he and I are no longer friends.

 

My experience was different.