People who aren't attracted to their own race

January 15, 2016

I've got two friends from middle eastern countries who I guess are ashamed of their backgrounds or something. They have both claimed that they would never date a guy of their own race as there is zero attraction, like none whatsoever. I've come across a lot more like that but these are the two who have actually spoken about the reasons in great detail.

They both claim they only like white guys. I find this really weird. Why are people like that? In my mind it's like a self-hating racism. How can you claim you aren't attracted, period, to someone who has the same skin color and features as you? I just don't get it. One of them was trying to explain it, that she was only attracted to white skin and white features and also that men of middle eastern decent don't have a great sense of humor. I'm thinking, 'Errrr, a) that's the biggest load of bull I've ever heard, and b) if middle eastern people don't have a sense of humor how come you have one?'

Tbh I just think wtf, is it that you have not been educated out of some white colonial mindset? A lot of my exes are of a different race than me but I'm also really attracted to and dated men of my own race. I guess I just can't fathom what weird c**p has made someone loathe themselves so much they can't bear the thought of having a relationship with someone who has the same skin colour and features.

January 15, 2016

When you hear about atrocities against women in the Middle East done by their own men I can see why they feel that way.

January 15, 2016

Lol if you think that's weird, go and visit South America as a single white man.

January 15, 2016

One can eschew attraction to their own 'race' without hating their race or themselves. Attraction and like/hate as a personal milieu are separate issues. We're attracted to who we're attracted to and we can be as discriminatory in the process as we want. Is it 'normal' to be completely lacking attraction to one's own race? IDK, define normal

I ran into this a lot as a young guy when hair was 'in' and I was bald. Well, women weren't attracted to bald, at least those who expressed their lack of attraction in that regard, and that lack of attraction didn't mean they hated bald guys. The same would apply if they disliked my sense of humor. They could be as brutal and discriminatory as they wished. That's how life works. Who we desire for love and sex isn't legislated nor enforced under penalty of death. We have free will and it goes where it wants.

January 15, 2016

I'm hispanic and I'll never date a hispanic woman.

January 15, 2016

I'm hispanic and I'll never date a hispanic woman.

Why? How can you disregard a whole race?

January 15, 2016

You are working from the assumption that attraction is a choice. Let me tell you my friend, I never chose to be attracted to ANYONE. In fact, I would chose not to be attracted to women or anyone for that matter. My attraction to females has been one of the most detrimental burdens in my life.

Attraction is mostly based on biological systems that you cannot see. To think you have a choice in what you are attracted to is fool-hearty at best. There are so many biological, sociological and psychological factors involved it's ridiculous.

Could you convince yourself to start being attracted to females (if you aren't already)? I'm doubting most of the heterosexual males posting here could be talked into some gay sex. Attraction is simply not choice. How we act on it can be driven by some choice, but barely.

Edited January 15, 2016 by HereNorThere

January 15, 2016

Some people say love is blind...

January 15, 2016

OP, you've answered your own question, in your own original post.

According to you, and in your own words, you don't understand it; one of the two girls who've stated they feel this way gave you her reasons. You thought her reasons were "c**p". Furthermore, you've concluded that it is because they "loathe themselves" and "are ashamed of their own race".

It is entirely possible that your reason for the phenomenon are equally as much "c**p" as their reasons (are, according to you).

To boot, you said so yourself, when you - yourself - stated, "I just don't get it."

Are you hoping that if you argue with and berate them long enough, you'll be able to make them change their minds?

Maybe that's their reason: they don't like being wrong and belittled all the time and in their experience, that's what men of "their own race" do to them. Just a thought...

Good luck, though. I hope they finally give you the reason that brings you peace and/or makes sense to you.

January 15, 2016

Why? How can you disregard a whole race?

Because I've been around them my whole life and see how they are and how they treat their men. No thank you.

January 15, 2016

Some people from non white cultures feel that in order to be accepted they need to disown everything from their own culture including members of the opposite sex. It is a form of self hatred and if you hate yourself you can't really love others. I once dated a black woman who talked about black men worse than I hear some white supremacists talk and even though I am a white guy it is a complete turn off.

January 15, 2016

Some people from non white cultures feel that in order to be accepted they need to disown everything from their own culture including members of the opposite sex. It is a form of self hatred and if you hate yourself you can't really love others. I once dated a black woman who talked about black men worse than I hear some white supremacists talk and even though I am a white guy it is a complete turn off.

I agree. I'm an Asian guy and there are Asian women that will only date white men. I don't waste any of my time trying to convince them why they should date an Asian guy like me.

January 15, 2016

Humans not attracted to other humans? What's going on in the world today?!

January 15, 2016

I don't see the problem. So many people try to rationalize why they are attracted to this or that, but what's the point? I don't want people to disrespect my preferences so I avoid disrespecting theirs. I really hate having to rationalize and defend why I feel like I do, I just do and some I have reasons for while other things are beyond my understanding.

January 15, 2016

Because I've been around them my whole life and see how they are and how they treat their men. No thank you.

That explains why they wouldn't be attracted to their own race.

It doesn't explain why they are only attracted to white men though.White features?

That sounds more like a choice by conditioning.

January 15, 2016

I've actually done research on this.

There does exist people of non-white backgrounds here in the US that display some form of self-deprecation towards their own race when it comes to sexual attraction.

You have to understand this: If you grow up thinking your race is inferior and spend much of your young adult life pining to be accepted by your definition of what is perceived better or more beautiful things become much more clear.

For example: I've been in urban black communities where black guys will talk about landing a white girl as if she was some kind of trophy. I've heard black men say some of the meanest things about their own black women.

I've also spoken with some men who friendzone people of their own race because the thought of sleeping with them is too familiar (like family) and it's a turn off.

2 of my closest coworkers are latinos whose first loves were white women. White women are all they talk about. Nobody else matters. But single and in their 40's they are finding out the hard way that the pool of white women wanting to date them is drying up fast.

But just like other things in life the topic is uncomfortable and most will deny the reasoning.

This is more apparent than ever in the gay community. Most of the personal ads from Asian, Black and Latin males say they are looking for "white," guys or "white/latin guys only." It's a cause of major online arguments and disagreements.

Although I look caucasian I'm actually half white half latino. Both of my parents have very pale colored skin and dark hair. I've had gay latin men approach trying to date me while telling me they only like white men.

Those are only some of the underlying reasons. That said I'm totally okay with people having preferences. Heck I have mine too even when it comes to race. I just don't buy the lame excuses that "all Latina's are bitches," or something else lame that is just a weak excuse and cover up for the real reason.

January 15, 2016

It's not really physical, it's cultural. For the longest time I would not look at nor date other caucasians. I claimed I was simply unattracted to them. And all my boyfriends were non-caucasian. I claimed to like this or that skin tone, certain features that other white people don't possess.

All of that was bollocks. What I didn't like was my own culture as expressed by the men in it. I just didn't like the attitude my neighbourhood men expressed towards women or relationships and I knew too much about it to be able to overlook it. Dating outside my culture meant I wasn't aware of the downsides of foreign cultures and their men and could go into relationships with a blind sense of optimism.

If you are olive skinned with brown eyes, one sure way to make certain you don't end up with your own or similar cultural pitfalls is to take a liking to features not present in it. Such as blue eyes, blonde hair etc.

And the other part is. Sometimes it's just plain old preference. I am now dating someone from my local culture but wasn't changed is his dark hair. All my bf's have been dark haired and that won't change. Blondies don't do it for me.

January 15, 2016

I am a black man.

While I hasn't dated anyone, the chance of me dating a black American women is very slim.

You may wonder why. Here is my reasons?

1. Physical attraction is needed to build a strong relationship. Period, especially in the age ranges where both partners can have lots of sex. I have seen more than enough examples to prove that.....and simply put, I find white women to be more attractive than black women. I only seen a few black women attractive enough for me to get into a relationship with and even then, I can find tons more white women that can match them or outright beat them.

2. Black women, on average, ask for more and offer less. Even a below-average looking woman, in my eyes, would ask for more than a moderate-looking white woman so my chances of meeting a black woman's demands is even less than average. I take educated risks. That doesn't sound like a risk worth taking.

3. I had a lot of bad experiences with black people in general through my life. I have been robbed a few times and has even went through an armed robbery that was all conducted by black people. I get disrespected on a much bigger scale by those of my own skin color than anyone else. I don't see things within my race getting better as time goes on. Violence among my race is at an all-time high. The last thing I want to do is to continue to be a part of that. The only black women is one that completely opposes such things and that is insanely rare to find. I seen many local women condoning the violence in some way and that is a deal breaker.

4. These things build stereotypes and that is why they exist. After all I have experienced, I refuse to judge anyone else for these stereotypes because they are there for a reason and we use them to protect ourselves. This is what I do to protect myself from potential criminals. And since I have the dream to build a strong family, it is in my best interests to find a woman that is non-black.

To most people in this thread, you may look at me like I am crazy, an idiot, racism at its core.......and that's fine. I can see that and despite it, I also don't see a reason to change these thoughts. If a wonderful black woman do show herself to me that would make me change my mind, that's great......however, I am not counting on that.

I am going after my dreams the best way that I know how and if these Middle Eastern women feel the same way, then let them be. No one here truly has the right to judge or berate them for their choices. For the majority of us, we couldn't see it even if you was in our shoes. Leave it alone. It doesn't affect you.

January 15, 2016

I think a lot of it comes from how they see their own race treat their partners.... so if they see their father constantly cheat on their mother ....in some cultures it's not particularly frowned upon for men to cheat.. then they see all men like their father decide they don't want that life.

I have a friend who is black like myself and made a decision NOT to marry a man from our country of origin ..having seen her sisters and cousins be mistreated by their husbands.

She married a guy from the middle east and the family (all bar one) refused to attend the wedding. She begged and pleaded....but they still didn't go... in the end she said stuff them..... Married him and him and his family treat her fantastically.

Some people want someone from a different race..so their kids have a certain appearance and features.

I very much believe that it's not really about the looks..because you can get very good looking people in every race . that would be objectively attractive..but it's how those guys treat their women and vice versa.

Someone commented about certain non white races feeling inferior... and I would agree with that comment in certain cases. Though it's usually from those who aren't very well educated and from less affluent backgrounds, that haven't had opportunities in their lives.

January 15, 2016

Some great replies. I know some people will find this really controversial but I just don't see how you can love yourself if you can't be attracted to someone who looks like you and has the same cultural background. It's so worrying that people stereotype their own races and cultures like all the people in it are exactly the same. I kind of get people from race A stereotyping people from race B, saying they're all brutal women beaters blah blah because that stems from ignorance and just lack of exposure. Soon as they are exposed they change their mind. There is no excuse for person of race B to not give their race the same respect they would like given to them.

My mom is from a middle eastern country that has loads of negative stereotypes but there is no way that I would discard oh I don't know MILLIONS AND MILLIONS of men who are all completely different. Same as I wouldn't discard white men like my dad (or men from any race for any matter). I understand that people are individual and stereotyping is ridiculous.

Sorry but I am sticking to my theory that all people from ethnic minorities who refuse to be in relationships with people from their own race and prefer white people have just not been educated out of the colonial white mindset. Deep down they have to see themselves as inferior and that really sucks.

White people not wanting to date other white people, not so sure. Theories appreciated

January 15, 2016

I'm an Eastern European woman, 43, and have not dated an Eastern European man since I was 20. I've dated men from around the world, different races, ethnicities, some from poorer countries than my own. I agree with Buddhist, it's much easier to overlook issues with a culture when it's not your own.

January 15, 2016

Piddle, is it OK if I ask your ethnic background? I can think of several reasons why a middle eastern girl would never date another middle eastern. You wouldn't genuinely understand though unless you were part of the culture. Even if the middle eastern guy were very "American" or "Westernized", there are still certain things he'd expect of her and those things may conflict with what the girl wants. There are also certain things that the girl is banking on that guy would not have an open mind about, and those hunches are typically right.

Personally, I get it.

The issues these girls have in mind when they say they would not date a Middle Eastern guy are not exactly parallel to a white woman not dating white men or a Hispanic man that does not date Hispanic women. What's interesting is that these Middle Eastern guys tend to be exactly what the Middle Eastern girls are looking for when they are NOT dating Middle Eastern girls.

Edited January 15, 2016 by S_A

January 15, 2016

I can see both spectrums of this conversation. Im half cuban and half brazillian. I have dated hispanics and Caucasian woman. I would say I attract both but primarly (white) girls. I would say Im one that would date all kinds. If there's an attraction.....then why not. I did grow up in miami fl so i think that helps a lot becouse of all the different nationalities. But I also would understand why peoples would shy from dating there own ethnicity. One of my best friends is puerto rican and he would always say he would never marry a purto rican. Well....12 years later and two kids, yes you know how this story ends. Never say never.

January 15, 2016

Piddle, is it OK if I ask your ethnic background? I can think of several reasons why a middle eastern girl would never date another middle eastern. You wouldn't genuinely understand though unless you were part of the culture. Even if the middle eastern guy were very "American" or "Westernized", there are still certain things he'd expect of her and those things may conflict with what the girl wants. There are also certain things that the girl is banking on that guy would not have an open mind about, and those hunches are typically right.

Personally, I get it.

The issues these girls have in mind when they say they would not date a Middle Eastern guy are not exactly parallel to a white woman not dating white men or a Hispanic man that does not date Hispanic women. What's interesting is that these Middle Eastern guys tend to be exactly what the Middle Eastern girls are looking for when they are NOT dating Middle Eastern girls.

S A, my mom is middle eastern and my dad white. Here's the deal, I get the reasons why my middle eastern friends would not want to date SOME middle eastern men. What I don't get is how they can stereotype all the men from a vast portion of the world, they also mean americans who have middle eastern parents. I just don't get how anyone, especially people who should know better can think millions and millions of people share the same characteristics. One of my mom's brothers is a stay at home husband who looked after the kids when they were younger. One of her cousins is gay and everybody in the family just wants him to be happy. My mom's family also has three different religions mushed in together. All of these totally go against western stereotypes of middle eastern men. Sure some middle eastern men wouldn't respect women or be homophobic or whatever, but then so would tons of other men from all other races. My point is how can you stereotype your own race and not give it the diversity you would give say white people?

January 15, 2016

I think we need to eliminate race in dating from the conversation about racism. Racism is a social issue. It's about society holding certain people as more equal than others, about granting some people more opportunities than others thanks to what tribe they belong. But that's completely separate from what individuals feel individually.

For example, I think I'm very aware of how racist American society is, and how black people never, ever get the benefit of the doubt like white people do. I think that's wrong, yet I would not date a black woman. I just couldn't. I am completely turned off by the idea. Am I racist?

On the other hand, consider my friend, who has an Asian fetish he picked up in Vietnam. He will only have sex with Asian slenderellas. He gushes at length about how small they are, how doll-like they are, how submissive they are, and how they love to "please their men." Is he racist?

I think we should leave "racism" to economic and legal equality issues.

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People who aren't attracted to their own race

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