Broken up for a 3rd time words of wisdom are needed

[Thistooshallpass21]

So just like almost everyone on here, I am going through a rough time. Personally, I do not like posting my story, but I feel it would be wise to get some words of wisdom from the wonderful/helpful people of this forum. I'm going to give a shortened version of my story and if need be of any other information, I will provide.

 

I was in an off and on relationship in which we have broken up 3 times within a total of 1.4 years of being together. In break up stemmed from my ex (female) being confused (this ended up happening frequently). Her confusion stemmed from viewing me as a boyfriend and as a best friend. We are both in our young twenties. I'll give you a little bit of a time table.

 

9 months of dating and the first confusion occurred and broke up for a night.

2nd confusion came after one month from this occurrence, but we worked it out.

3rd confusion came 2 months after that and we broke up for a 2nd time for 4 months. She came back to me looking to work on things. 3 months again being together and she got confused again and we broke up for a 3rd time (most recent). It's been roughly 2 weeks and we have only spoken to each other once. Also, usually these occurrences would happen when we were at home and not at the school that we both attend too.

 

The main reason, I had been so accepting to give it another go the last time because well her and the relationship with her was worth it. When things were fine, they were great. We rarely argued and when we did it was over small ordeals in which we would resolve very quickly (never went to bed angry/still fighting with each other). In all honesty, we were each other's best friends as well as significant others (always had fun with each other and would tell each other everything). Of course I know the route of NC and it's purpose as I went through it the last time. Also, of course I do not want to lose her for good as I know how hard it is to find someone who you love, have an amazing connection too, and is your best friend all in one. However, she is not someone that I could just be friends with as I will always have strong feelings of love for her.

 

Well, that is my shortened version and it would be great to hear back from the well experienced people on this forum on their take/ words of wisdom. Maybe I am wrong for wanting her back and should be saying "don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out", but it is just not that simple.

 

Thank you for reading and I look forward to your words of wisdom

[WhatYouWantToHear]

it is just not that simple.

 

I have no idea what you want from us. Your lengthy post was quite simple--you never provided causes for break ups, reasons for returning, overriding issues with your relationship, etc. You spent hundreds of words yet said nothing, asked for advice, then preemptively dismissed any advice we can give by saying "it is just not that simple".

 

Perhaps ask a friend close to the situation for advice, because unless you want to give details, you are not going to like our advice.

[Thistooshallpass21]

I have no idea what you want from us. Your lengthy post was quite simple--you never provided causes for break ups, reasons for returning, overriding issues with your relationship, etc. You spent hundreds of words yet said nothing, asked for advice, then preemptively dismissed any advice we can give by saying "it is just not that simple".

 

Perhaps ask a friend close to the situation for advice, because unless you want to give details, you are not going to like our advice.

 

Thanks for your response and I can provide some more information for you.

 

1. Reasons for breaking up: that is in the original post: confusion of viewing me as a boyfriend and a best friend. For about a week, she said she felt uncomfortable doing stuff like kissing and holding hands for reasons she did not understand. From my knowledge this did not occur the other times we broke up. Which to me, there are going to moments in relationships where you're going to want to stray away from these actions and need your significant other to be a friend first. I personally view this as a bump in the road instead of a fork. That was about it though.

 

2. Reasons for her returning: the last time after four months of being broken up, she came to me looking to work on the issues that we had, which was really just communication based (talking to each other about things that were bothering us) which mainly was when she would have her doubts at times to talk about them as a team instead of suppressing them. She waited a week to talk to me about this occurrence as she did not want to "worry me".

 

3. Overriding issues: can not say we really had any honestly. I'd say the biggest lingering issue would be the fact that I am graduating before she does, but our school is relatively close to both of us (about an hour away from me, and her home town roughly an hour 45 away from me). However, I am currently seeking jobs closer to that area, not just to be closer to her, but mainly because I love the area and feels like home to me.

 

Hopefully, this post answers some of your questions and gives you a little more information to work with.

 

Cheers

[Thistooshallpass21]

Damn I guess no one has anything for me. To those who took the time to read my story thank you and I hope all is well.

[darkbloom]

Okay. Here's the thing. When you are in a healthy adult relationship, you don't break up and then get back together. She should have been able to come to you with the problem and steps to solve it. It sounds like she doesn't want to continue the relationship but comes back when she's lonely.

 

You have a say in this too. You should never be a doormat.

[Thistooshallpass21]

Thank you that was the kick in the ass that I needed. Also, thank you for taking the time to read and comment

[Been]

She broke up with you because of a weak excuse.Not once but 3 times. I think the 3rd time she should have known had to handle things -don't you?she sounds like she's playing games and doesn't want to commit fully to you. The third time maybe you should have let it be known their wasn't going to be another chance-3 times in less then 2 years is a lot.

[Thistooshallpass21]

She broke up with you because of a weak excuse.Not once but 3 times. I think the 3rd time she should have known had to handle things -don't you?she sounds like she's playing games and doesn't want to commit fully to you. The third time maybe you should have let it be known their wasn't going to be another chance-3 times in less then 2 years is a lot.

 

I completely agree with you. Also, the last time we got back together I told her, if you do this again that's it. however, I didn't expect to be broken up with for something so weak, I really thought things were going to be different this time. She came to me discussing the things that she thought we needed to work on, which were the exact same things that I thought about while we were broken up. I truly believed that we were on the same page and honestly up until this happened our relationship was even stronger then before. I think this has to do with more of a fear to commit especially with big events coming up in our lives. I do believe at some point in our lives that we will come back to each other, but for now we need to be separate. Just saying to this belief is not me holding on to hope I plan on going back to school and moving on, it's more of a gut feeling.

[sowhynot]

Here's some tough love.

 

 

You want some words of wisdom ?

 

 

Don't even think about letting her doing this a 4th time - walk - or rather run.

 

 

I personally wouldn't have given her a second chance but then I have some self respect .