Hope from Cheating

[AMJ]

I want to share this story about a few friends of mine who found themselves in a completely unfortunate situation. Obviously I'm not using real names. There is Joe and Allison, who met in college and got married when they were about 24. There's also Ryan and Sarah, who are high school sweethearts, and have been in a relationship for about ten years. We're all in a larger group of friends, but the rest of us don't matter much to this story. Joe and Allison have now been married a few years, we are all in our late 20's. We all hang out every weekend. Myself, Allison, and Sarah are great friends. I moved away, and only heard the rest of this story through another mutual friend. But I assure you, it's all true.

 

Eventually Allison and Sarah became very close and fooled around sexually. Others in the group thought this was strange and started gossiping. A year later, Joe discovers text messages between his wife, Allison, and Sarah's boyfriend- Ryan. This is how he learns that the two of them were madly in love, and had been having an affair for quite some time. I guess what was most flooring was to learn that they exchanged hundreds of texts between each other all day long, every day. He didn't realize that she wanted to communicate with anyone that much.

 

The real victim in this story, is of course the baby I haven't yet mentioned. By now Joe and Allison have had their first, and only, baby girl. She's a few months old when he learns about this affair. When I first heard about this story, I was shocked, like all of our friends in the group. It made me sad, because I had thought Allison and Joe were so happy together, just like I thought Ryan and Sarah were happy.

 

Several guys in the group felt loyal to Joe and ended their friendship with Ryan, which was sad since they had been friends since they were young children. I thought, Ryan must really, really love Allison to give up lifelong friends for her. So here is an affair that not only broke up a marriage, a family, but a group of very old, good friends. It's pretty sad.

 

That was five years ago. Allison and Ryan are still together, sharing custody of Allison and Joe's daughter. Sarah moved across the country, leaving her hometown- something she probably never would have done otherwise- and is now madly in love with her new boyfriend, who seems like a great guy. Joe is still single, dating lots of younger women and apparently none of them will measure up to his high expectations.

 

When I think back about their relationships, I remember times when Joe wasn't so nice to Allison. For example, we were all at the beach together. She looked great in a bikini, but he told her, in front of everyone, that it was time for her to "do some crunches" while grabbing her tiny little belly roll. He had a problem using cocaine and would get angry at her sometimes. And then when I think back about Sarah and Ryan, I think- were they really that happy? They acted like highschoolers who were just really comfortable around each other, not really like an adult couple in love.

 

I guess my point is, that everyone in this story has since moved on, in a better way, except for Joe. But he was kind of a jerk to begin with. I've been reading through posts, and posted my own story recently, because I'm also in a not ideal situation. And of course, I assume that people will answer to the subject of infidelity with- it's wrong! Protect the sanctity of marriage, honor a person's commitment to their spouse.

 

But sometimes people marry the wrong person. And sometimes it takes a person a while to realize that they made a mistake, and then it might take a person even longer to realize that they should leave that marriage. Life isn't so simple, not always so black and white for some of us. I think everyone who finds themselves in one of these situations does not want to be in this situation. We'd all like for life to be easier, to fall in love with someone who is ready and available to return that love.

 

For those of you who find yourself in that easier situation, I'm happy for you. For the rest of us, well, maybe there's still hope.

[carhill]

Sure, as black and white as discussions tend to flow, life is a whole lot of grey, for better or worse. It just is, and it's nothing new. It's been going on longer than ink on paper to chronicle it. Today, what we have is 'information liberation' where everything is being published seemingly everywhere. Along with that and generally less social shunning for transitory relationships, people are exploring options more than ever, at least more openly than ever. I saw the beginnings of this decades ago during the sexual revolution and young married women 'feeling their oats', shockingly in contrast to the prim and proper persona of generations prior. They were out there working, mingling with men and enjoying their sexual freedom, within or outside of their relationship boundaries. It was pretty spectacular. Now, unremarkable. Yawn. What's new? Threesomes, homosexual affairs, surrogates, transgender dalliances, you name it. It's all out there.

 

I find hope in accepting the real. Big world, lots of people, none of whom I can control. They do what they do. Then they die and it starts all over again.

[BetrayedH]

I'm glad that the people involved ended up moving on in a positive way, for the most part.

 

What I would say is that if someone is in a committed relationship and finds themselves unhappy or starting down the road with another person, they have an obligation to either (1) fix their relationship or (2) leave it. It's when people give themselves a third option that the real trouble begins. I'd always suggest leaving out the lies and betrayal.

[Horton]

I've been reading through posts, and posted my own story recently, because I'm also in a not ideal situation. And of course, I assume that people will answer to the subject of infidelity with- it's wrong! Protect the sanctity of marriage, honor a person's commitment to their spouse.

 

Here comes the "but".

 

But sometimes people marry the wrong person. And sometimes it takes a person a while to realize that they made a mistake, and then it might take a person even longer to realize that they should leave that marriage. Life isn't so simple, not always so black and white for some of us. I think everyone who finds themselves in one of these situations does not want to be in this situation. We'd all like for life to be easier, to fall in love with someone who is ready and available to return that love.

 

Yep there it is, always on time.

[Gloria25]

I'm glad that the people involved ended up moving on in a positive way, for the most part.

 

What I would say is that if someone is in a committed relationship and finds themselves unhappy or starting down the road with another person, they have an obligation to either (1) fix their relationship or (2) leave it. It's when people give themselves a third option that the real trouble begins. I'd always suggest leaving out the lies and betrayal.

 

Agreed...

 

I you are unhappy with your SO, then you have an obligation to give them a try to work it out. If you cannot, then make uo your mind to stay or go.

[big dog]

Nice post. Thanks for sharing.

[cocorico]

 

I guess my point is, that everyone in this story has since moved on, in a better way, except for Joe. But he was kind of a jerk to begin with. I've been reading through posts, and posted my own story recently, because I'm also in a not ideal situation. And of course, I assume that people will answer to the subject of infidelity with- it's wrong! Protect the sanctity of marriage, honor a person's commitment to their spouse.

 

But sometimes people marry the wrong person. And sometimes it takes a person a while to realize that they made a mistake, and then it might take a person even longer to realize that they should leave that marriage. Life isn't so simple, not always so black and white for some of us. I think everyone who finds themselves in one of these situations does not want to be in this situation. We'd all like for life to be easier, to fall in love with someone who is ready and available to return that love.

 

For those of you who find yourself in that easier situation, I'm happy for you. For the rest of us, well, maybe there's still hope.

 

We're all in a much better place after the A. Even the xBW looks like she's finally moving on, albeit with a guy with the same first name and who looks very much like her xH.