Am I fool to believe this?

[Asylum15]

Hi all,

 

broke up with a girlfriend of 4 months, 3 weeks ago. She had a history of physical abuse from her father as a kid, and is currently suffering depression. Anyways, it was her (unsurprisingly) who broke up with me. With that being said, I recently found out through a mutual friend my girlfriend told her she had feelings for my best friend (male) after the first time she met him. (2 months into the relationship.) This mutual friend went onto say she spoke to her ''more than once'' about how she found him attractive etc. Now, my best friend is one of the few people I trust 110%, and he would never go behind my back, but to hear that stung a lot.

 

I confronted my ex about this and it got so heated that she showed me the messages she sent to this mutual friend. I quote:

 

''I really like his friend. I find him so attractive and honestly no guy has ever made me laugh that much and he is so lovely and already I'm like ****, I wish I met him first. I feel so bad but I can't help it. We are heading out with him next week again and I'm so excited to see him and I know it sounds like I'm crazy but this guy is so cool. I feel so mean.''

 

One night my best friend offered to bring her home (again, my friend was just being nice to my girl, in a strictly platonic fashion.) She wrote:

 

''Just got out of his car after a private chat with him and then his battery died so we had to push the car and I was in heels and we had to keep driving for longer and talked more and it was amazing! Why didn't I meet him first. ''

 

Now, seeing those hurt ALOT. So her excuse? If she was upfront and honest with me, I wouldn't have cared, it would have burned but I would have respected her honesty and moved on.

 

Her reasoning -> ''When I was growing up, due to my dads abuse etc, my mom always told me there were signs to look out for when a man would change. We had a few arguments and I thought you were showing some of these signs and I panicked. With him (my best friend) he and I never fought and he's literally the only single guy I ever talked to more than once off, and I don't expect you to get this, but I really didn't find him attractive at all.''

 

She got extremely defensive and irritated.

 

Am I right to have serious doubts about that?

[PegNosePete]

Dude. That is a whole big fat bunch of drama for a 4 month relationship. What is your objective here? To get back with her? To make her feel bad? To hook her up with your friend? I just don't get what you're trying to achieve.

 

I confronted my ex

No story that began with those 4 words, ever ended well. She is your EX. She owes you nothing and you owe her nothing. You need to accept that she behaved as she did, and that things are now over. "Confronting" will only lead to pain for both parties. Nothing good will come from it.

 

Am I right to have serious doubts about that?

What does it matter whether you believe her or not? My response would have been: "OK, thanks for explaining. Goodbye" and then walk away forever.

[Nickr3023]

Hi all,

 

broke up with a girlfriend of 4 months, 3 weeks ago. She had a history of physical abuse from her father as a kid, and is currently suffering depression. Anyways, it was her (unsurprisingly) who broke up with me. With that being said, I recently found out through a mutual friend my girlfriend told her she had feelings for my best friend (male) after the first time she met him. (2 months into the relationship.) This mutual friend went onto say she spoke to her ''more than once'' about how she found him attractive etc. Now, my best friend is one of the few people I trust 110%, and he would never go behind my back, but to hear that stung a lot.

 

I confronted my ex about this and it got so heated that she showed me the messages she sent to this mutual friend. I quote:

 

''I really like his friend. I find him so attractive and honestly no guy has ever made me laugh that much and he is so lovely and already I'm like ****, I wish I met him first. I feel so bad but I can't help it. We are heading out with him next week again and I'm so excited to see him and I know it sounds like I'm crazy but this guy is so cool. I feel so mean.''

 

One night my best friend offered to bring her home (again, my friend was just being nice to my girl, in a strictly platonic fashion.) She wrote:

 

''Just got out of his car after a private chat with him and then his battery died so we had to push the car and I was in heels and we had to keep driving for longer and talked more and it was amazing! Why didn't I meet him first. ''

 

Now, seeing those hurt ALOT. So her excuse? If she was upfront and honest with me, I wouldn't have cared, it would have burned but I would have respected her honesty and moved on.

 

Her reasoning -> ''When I was growing up, due to my dads abuse etc, my mom always told me there were signs to look out for when a man would change. We had a few arguments and I thought you were showing some of these signs and I panicked. With him (my best friend) he and I never fought and he's literally the only single guy I ever talked to more than once off, and I don't expect you to get this, but I really didn't find him attractive at all.''

 

She got extremely defensive and irritated.

 

Am I right to have serious doubts about that?

 

Yeah man if there's visual evidence that she's saying these things it's best to be done with it. My ex cheated on me with my best friend for a solid 2 years. There's no worse feeling in the world than getting cheated on....until it happens with your best friend because you lose the trust of 2 people and are devastated twice. If nothing had happened between these 2, it would in the future at some point I fear. Even as he is your best friend, the temptation if the pressure was on from her, he would have either caved or she would have gotten him at a vulnerable time. I'm sorry you're going through this, I've been there before.

[mightycpa]

As is true with almost every breakup that has occurred on planet earth, you got a mixture of truth and bull****.

 

The truth

Her reasoning -> ''When I was growing up, due to my dads abuse etc, my mom always told me there were signs to look out for when a man would change. We had a few arguments and I thought you were showing some of these signs and I panicked.

Girls from ****ed up families may love you like no other one day (not saying she did or didn't, but rather, even if they do) and then one day you do something and it reminds them of the parent whose ways they have rejected. It could be physical abuse, or drinking, or cheating or whatever. Doesn't matter what the behavior is, it only matters that they have rejected it, and that they saw it in you. When that happens, you are done, immediately and forever.

 

Here's the bull****:

With him (my best friend) he and I never fought and he's literally the only single guy I ever talked to more than once off, and I don't expect you to get this, but I really didn't find him attractive at all.''

Don't pay any attention to that, because the truth up above tells you that you're done, and whether or not she finds him attractive is unimportant. You're just done, either way.

She got extremely defensive and irritated.

because it's bull****.

 

My advice is to get used to this reality. You've gotten the pink slip. You're off the team. You're done. It's that simple.

 

In fact, if you are the best friend you say you are, I think you should give him the green light to see her. That may sting, but it will help you with your resolve, and seeing her moon all over him will help you too, even though it won't feel good for a while. It won't be easy, but nothing worthwhile is.

[Asylum15]

As is true with almost every breakup that has occurred on planet earth, you got a mixture of truth and bull****.

 

The truth

Girls from ****ed up families may love you like no other one day (not saying she did or didn't, but rather, even if they do) and then one day you do something and it reminds them of the parent whose ways they have rejected. It could be physical abuse, or drinking, or cheating or whatever. Doesn't matter what the behavior is, it only matters that they have rejected it, and that they saw it in you. When that happens, you are done, immediately and forever.

 

Here's the bull****:

Don't pay any attention to that, because the truth up above tells you that you're done, and whether or not she finds him attractive is unimportant. You're just done, either way.

because it's bull****.

 

My advice is to get used to this reality. You've gotten the pink slip. You're off the team. You're done. It's that simple.

 

In fact, if you are the best friend you say you are, I think you should give him the green light to see her. That may sting, but it will help you with your resolve, and seeing her moon all over him will help you too, even though it won't feel good for a while. It won't be easy, but nothing worthwhile is.

 

My best friend didnt find her attractive at all, and now resents her for hurting me.

[mightycpa]

My best friend didnt find her attractive at all, and now resents her for hurting me.

Ok. All I'm saying is, don't stand in their way. There's no point in that. If he doesn't like her, that's perfectly fine too. Just make sure that you're not an obstacle.

[ExpatInItaly]

Just walk away from her. No matter the circumstances, she shouldn't be trying to cozy up to your best friend, for heaven's sake. She has bad judgment and poor boundaries.

 

She just showed you what she will do when you have conflict.

 

So you should show her the door.

[Revenant22]

Ok. All I'm saying is, don't stand in their way. There's no point in that. If he doesn't like her, that's perfectly fine too. Just make sure that you're not an obstacle.

 

What the hell advice is that?