Confusedcom Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 I've been seeing this guy for about 3 weeks, he's an extremely busy person so I'm only getting to see him once or twice a week and tbh its starting to feel like a waste of my time. I'm used to guys more or less making a decision straight away but I've learned he's not like that. So Is 3 weeks to soon to decide whether you want to be serious with someone? How much time would you personally give someone before you said enough is enough?
HereNorThere Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 3 weeks isn't even long enough to call it a relationship. If someone is willing to commit to you in 3 weeks, you should run as fast as you can. A person who commits in 3 weeks is in love with the idea of being in love, not in actual love. There is literally no way you could get to know enough about a person to build the type of trust you should have for a commitment. Also, 2 times a week is a lot for a new relationship. Count the number of times you've hung out with the person in a romantic context. 2 times a week x 3 weeks. Is that really enough time to know someone well enough to invest your emotional well-being in them? That not even long enough to trust someone to borrow 20 bucks. It sounds like you suffer from anxious attachment and co-codependency issues. You should definitely do research and if it seems like it fits you, talk to a counselor. Do you have any previous abandonment issues from childhood? 5
Zippy2000 Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 To answer your question. I have a girl I like and have commuted to her for over a year! Shock ! Horror!! A lot I people will have said move on this relationship is dead. Hold on a moment though. She initiates texts, she replies often and never says no to meeting up. She works a 48hour week but most of all what I like about her is I met her in real life and not on a dating site. I know she's not on any dating sites because I'm on them all. It'd frustrating I know but I've learned not to put all your eggs in one basket. I see this girl as a "potential" but it doesn't stop me speaking to other girls or dating them. A year is a long time MD some people have gotten married in that time but I do know people work in different timescales. I had one woman who I dated 6 years ago who said no to a second date. We became friends and she went on to date 3 other people lasting 2 years each. Only to find out she came back to me after finding out that I was actually the man she was looking for. I'm not saying wait around. Three week isn't really long enough to invest into someone. Talk to other men who are excited in seeing you and want to be with you. For thebonesnwho are lukenwarm. They might not be sure about you or want to give it time. Time will always tell.
kendahke Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 So really, you've only seen him/been in the same room with him 3 times. Even if the rest of the time is talking on the phone, 3 weeks is way too soon. On this timetable, you're either jumping the gun or trying to get with the wrong guy. An extremely busy guy isn't a good investment if you need someone to spend more time with you and/or give you a commitment.
Toodaloo Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Confused. Personally I would want to know about now if he were seeing others. If he were then I would back off. Been there, done that and turns out he wasn't all that into me so why waste time? However I am not talking commitment - I am talking about exclusivity. Exclusivity to me is where you both only date each other and concentrate on getting to know each other. Commitment comes later. Good luck. As with all things, its very personal to each individual. There is no right or wrong answer. Only what is right for you. 1
BluEyeL Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 About 3 months is a realistic timeline for someone "committing" to you as a girlfriend. 3 weeks not enough. 2
Gaeta Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 What do you mean by commitment? Do you mean exclusivity? Personally, at my age (50), I know what I want and got no time for games. If a man is interested enough to see me 4-5 times than it's enough for him to decide if he wants to date me exclusively. By experience all men that did not wish for exclusivity early in dating ended up being a wast of my time even if I invested 2-3 months in them. I guess the game is different if you are much younger.
smudge21 Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Known my current interest for nearly 4 months, but it's been just over 2 months since we got closer. I've made it clear I'm interested and there's definitely been signals from her that she feels the same, but in equal measure there's been times when she's pushed away. I'm at the point now where I'm looking at walking away. She's gone very quiet over the last week and I'm not chasing or asking what's going on. This may be it and if so then I know I did all I could to make this become more, but there's really no measure of time in regards how long something should take. For me, I just feel it in my heart that this isn't going to become what I want it to, so I feel it's time to let go. Each person is different, so some may not feel like it's working after a few weeks, others after a few months or even more. Don't make decisions based on what you feel you should do, but more on what you feel you want to do.
fred123 Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Known my current interest for nearly 4 months, but it's been just over 2 months since we got closer. I've made it clear I'm interested and there's definitely been signals from her that she feels the same, but in equal measure there's been times when she's pushed away. I'm at the point now where I'm looking at walking away. She's gone very quiet over the last week and I'm not chasing or asking what's going on. This may be it and if so then I know I did all I could to make this become more, but there's really no measure of time in regards how long something should take. For me, I just feel it in my heart that this isn't going to become what I want it to, so I feel it's time to let go. Each person is different, so some may not feel like it's working after a few weeks, others after a few months or even more. Don't make decisions based on what you feel you should do, but more on what you feel you want to do. U guys are dating/ sleeping with each other?
Glitters Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 I'm used to guys more or less making a decision straight away but I've learned he's not like that. They didnt last , thats why you are dating again ! They committed just to get laid. 1
MoreAmore Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 I think typically guys know quickly. I don't think waiting for guys usually pays off. Still, 3 weeks is early unless you are sexually involved. Within a few months, probably. If you're having sex, that's different and should be sorted promptly, for safety. 1
smackie9 Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 If you find yourself frustrated, or questioning how invested they are, that means your expectations are not being met and you should just move on simple as that. There is no set accepted amount of time for anything, it's about ones own expectations. we all have them, and not everyone have the same ones....that's why we date, to find the one that meets our requirements. 5
HereNorThere Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 (edited) If you find yourself frustrated, or questioning how invested they are, that means your expectations are not being met and you should just move on simple as that. There is no set accepted amount of time for anything, it's about ones own expectations. we all have them, and not everyone have the same ones....that's why we date, to find the one that meets our requirements. Your responses are always so real and on point. It's like I tell my guy friends when they ask me something along the lines of "Do you think she likes me?" I always reply with "If you have to ask, the answer is NO!" Edited January 14, 2016 by HereNorThere 1
MissBee Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 (edited) If you find yourself frustrated, or questioning how invested they are, that means your expectations are not being met and you should just move on simple as that. There is no set accepted amount of time for anything, it's about ones own expectations. we all have them, and not everyone have the same ones....that's why we date, to find the one that meets our requirements. Agree. OP, although you said commit, I get the sense you mean show serious effort and sustained interest versus necessarily a commitment like "we are now bf/gf." In my dating experience, with all the men who became my boyfriends, they were pretty invested and consistent early on. That is, I never felt like they were "too busy" or I was begging for their time or confused about things, things moved along in a steady progression where I saw them at least twice a week and we got closer and we talked about what we wanted and it seemed inevitable that we would be exclusive. I think that's what you mean, the feeling of steady progression like he is invested in becoming closer. In my own experience, with all my boyfriends, even if we each saw other people after our initial date, it lasted a VERY short time, and usually, we both stopped wanting to see others after our second date and became inseparable, in terms of growing interest and really just wanting to see where things would go with each other. If you don't feel like he's on the same page with that, maybe he's not. You should continue dating others and keep him as an option until he shows you're a priority, and if as time goes by things stay the same, needless to say, he's not that interested in an exclusive relationship.Basically, when a guy is interested in a relationship, it shows. He is consistent and doesn't want you to lose interest and even if he is busy he will make time for you and essentially you'll be able to feel he values your time. Whereas, it's obvious when the opposite is true. You feel confused, you feel like you never see him much, you dunno where things are going etc. Edited January 14, 2016 by MissBee 1
strawberryshortstack Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 So Is 3 weeks to soon to decide whether you want to be serious with someone? How much time would you personally give someone before you said enough is enough? Short answer: yes How much time depends on the level of commitment you're expecting.
katiegrl Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Exclusivity to me is where you both only date each other and concentrate on getting to know each other. Commitment comes later. Wholeheartedly agree with this^^^ Agree to be exclusive (especially if you're having sex)....get to know each other without the distraction of adding others to the mix. Just because you're exclusive, does not mean you're in a "relationship" yet though....and I think the mistake many women make is assuming that exclusive means relationship/commitment so they start behaving like they're in a relationship, when they're not. You still should leave a bit of gap open for him to continue moving towards you..... that's how men fall in love. If you close the gap too soon.... you'll lose him and I don't care how old a man is. There have been tons of articles written about this....my brothers have shared this with me also. So IMO three weeks is WAY too soon for commitment. But if you're having sex, then I think you should expect exclusivity. 2
katiegrl Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Have you ever read anything by Evan Marc Katz? Here's a great article. http://helenahartcoaching.com/how-to-keep-a-man-moving-towards-you-when-youre-dating/ 1
basil67 Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 If he's too busy to date you now, it doesn't bode well for the future anyway. Even if he does commit, when will he fit you in?
Robratory Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Three weeks is not too soon to decide you want to get serious with someone. However, do you want to get serious with a man who's always too busy? I wouldn't think so.
Recommended Posts