lehcar Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 I've been interested in an acquaintance of mine for a little while now and have been trying to make something happen, as explained in my previous post. He's really shy though so it's been slow going. Recently, I signed up for an OLD site and he was one of my top matches. I haven't looked at his profile or messaged him or anything. I'm wondering what other people do when they see a real life person of interest online? Do you consider that a reason to back off because they're likely seeing multiple people or do you look at that as a green light to go for them? I was thinking of texting him (or even *GASP* messaging him on there) that I saw him there and asking if he wanted to grab dinner. What do people tend to do/think that I should do?
Buddhist Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 I've been interested in an acquaintance of mine for a little while now and have been trying to make something happen, as explained in my previous post. He's really shy though so it's been slow going. Recently, I signed up for an OLD site and he was one of my top matches. I haven't looked at his profile or messaged him or anything. I'm wondering what other people do when they see a real life person of interest online? Do you consider that a reason to back off because they're likely seeing multiple people or do you look at that as a green light to go for them? I was thinking of texting him (or even *GASP* messaging him on there) that I saw him there and asking if he wanted to grab dinner. What do people tend to do/think that I should do? I think you should go for it. You know he's seeking someone because he's on there. And you have the great opener that you know each other already. I'd be inclined to say.....hey, you came up as one of my top matches. How about we meet up and spend some time together.... 1
shyguy3543 Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 This is the situation I'm in. I've been talking a bit to a girl I know and starting to get to know her a bit through Facebook messages. Then I went to delete my OkCupid profile and found out she was on there. I didn't bring it up. I'm not sure if I should have or not.
planb1973 Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Just send him a message already! Last year I had a woman that I had been friends with for 10 years sent me a "Funny seeing you here." message on a dating sight. So we dated for a few months... It ended up being more of a FWB deal and we both dropped it and stayed friends.
Author lehcar Posted January 14, 2016 Author Posted January 14, 2016 So you think it's better to message him on the dating site than to just ask him outside of the internet to meet up?
Toodaloo Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 lehcar Next time you see him tell him about some movie or thing you have heard about and ask him to go with you. You already know him so just ask.
Redhead14 Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 I've been interested in an acquaintance of mine for a little while now and have been trying to make something happen, as explained in my previous post. He's really shy though so it's been slow going. Recently, I signed up for an OLD site and he was one of my top matches. I haven't looked at his profile or messaged him or anything. I'm wondering what other people do when they see a real life person of interest online? Do you consider that a reason to back off because they're likely seeing multiple people or do you look at that as a green light to go for them? I was thinking of texting him (or even *GASP* messaging him on there) that I saw him there and asking if he wanted to grab dinner. What do people tend to do/think that I should do? You're on OLD too . . . and so what if he's seeing other people. It's called dating, right?
fitnessfan365 Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Since he's shy, I say make the first move. Send him something simple like - Hey (his name)! I always thought you were hot, but now you're at the top of my matches list too. Let's grab a drink.
kendahke Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Does he already know that you are interested in him in that way?
salparadise Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 So you think it's better to message him on the dating site than to just ask him outside of the internet to meet up? Yes, but make if feel like the continuation of a conversation- light and casual. Two reasons: a) it establishes the context as dating, as opposed to friends/acquaintances, and b) it gets the dating site awareness out in the open rather than it being a white elephant in the room. Since he's shy, I think you should even suggest a time and place. It eliminates one more obstacle (stressful decision) that he could trip over as a way to procrastinate. Women should definitely not hesitate to take the lead in a situation like this. Nobody is going to think badly of you for it. I don't understand why that kind of thinking is so pervasive. 1
Miss Peach Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 I've had coworkers message me on a dating site with something light like "So how's it going around here". One asked me a work question (as a joke). I think it might be a good way to indicate interest to this guy.
Miss Peach Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Women should definitely not hesitate to take the lead in a situation like this. Nobody is going to think badly of you for it. I don't understand why that kind of thinking is so pervasive. In my experience it hasn't been a good thing when a guy doesn't initiate. Guys tend to go after what they want. They also tend to know whether they are sexually attracted enough with a woman to see if it's worth it to them. I think it would be helpful to get the conversation started with the guy but I would expect a guy to pick up the lead if he was interested. When I've initiated I tend to get lazy guys who say yes because they assume it's an easy thing (since I did all the work) or that I was so interested they could get away with anything. I also couldn't figure out their interest if I led too much.
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