Northwestern1011 Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 I've always had this problem. I use to be the friend who paid for everything--as you can imagine, that led me into some toxic friendships. Then I realized that's a good way to get used, and broke ALL the time, and stopped doing it. So now I just regularly experience this dilemma, both with friend and on dates. I never can figure out how to not be awkward about it. I don't want people to think I'm exploiting them, or that I'm too assertive and want to put them down by always paying. Most recently this has come up as a dilemma with my brother. He's in college, and I'm recently out of college with my first adult job (read: still small salary). Usually when we go out just me and him, we alternate on who pays. But he has a girlfriend, and she generally comes with us now. I third wheel like a boss because I'm single. In instances like these where it's him, his girlfriend and I, who pays for dinner? I don't want to cost him money but I'm also kind of wondering how to ideally handle it?
clia Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 You pay for your dinner and they pay for their dinner. Bringing in a third person changes the dynamic. Or you pay once, he pays once, and the girlfriend pays once. 5
StBreton Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 I think if your brother brings a friend, the friend should pay or your brother should pay for his girlfriend...possibly throwing in a $20 or something if it's a casual dinner. I could see once in a while splurging for a few rounds of drinks or once a year taking them both out. Is his girlfriend, knowing her boyfriend (your brother) is light on money, expecting that you pay for her dinner...when if the two of them went out just themselves ...likely she'd have to pay her share? However, if you invite your brother out for a dinner and you know he doesn't have money, I think it would be nice if you paid. That's how it happens in my family. Sending up kindling:)
d0nnivain Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 If you are employed & they are not, maybe every once in a while even though there are 3 people you could split the check. You pay half & they pay half. Otherwise everybody just pays for themselves.
rester Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 I carry cash for these situations because experience has led me to expect others prefer to pay with their credit cards. So I add up my share and give cash, including a tip of about 30-40% so there's no question if I chipped in enough or not.
Tayla Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Since this is an ongoing pattern, adding an extra guest is open to etiquette protocal. The addon person is offered some choices: separate tab (check) , Or they split the check three ways. Miss manners often states whoever offered the invite is the person accountable for the tab.
losangelena Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 I would say you're not responsible for your brother's girlfriend. 1
preraph Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 They pay theirs and you pay yours. You should talk to your brother ahead of time since he's your brother. I mean, just say "Hey, now there's a third, how do you want to handle the bill?" Then if he should try to soak you and say take turns, you say, Uh, nah, nice try though. 3
Els Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Just split the check 3 ways. The brother can pay for his gf if he wants to (or they can go dutch if that's what they prefer), but you should just pay your own part. 1
loverboy69 Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 If they always insist on you paying then make sure to take them to places where their food is enclosed in paper wrappers and ketchup comes in little packets. These places are less romantic, you'll pay less and eventually his GF will ask your brother to go at it alone next time. 1
whichwayisup Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 I've always had this problem. I use to be the friend who paid for everything--as you can imagine, that led me into some toxic friendships. Then I realized that's a good way to get used, and broke ALL the time, and stopped doing it. So now I just regularly experience this dilemma, both with friend and on dates. I never can figure out how to not be awkward about it. I don't want people to think I'm exploiting them, or that I'm too assertive and want to put them down by always paying. Most recently this has come up as a dilemma with my brother. He's in college, and I'm recently out of college with my first adult job (read: still small salary). Usually when we go out just me and him, we alternate on who pays. But he has a girlfriend, and she generally comes with us now. I third wheel like a boss because I'm single. In instances like these where it's him, his girlfriend and I, who pays for dinner? I don't want to cost him money but I'm also kind of wondering how to ideally handle it? Split the bill, everybody puts in equally. I'm sure he will offer to pay his gf's share, or maybe she will have no issues paying her share. You shouldn't pay for them both. 1
pro100pk2 Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 the guy pays for the girl and for himself as brother for himself
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