Stick it through, give him space, or end it?

[Kuchi2]

I have been dating a guy for the past 2 months. We are exclusive and official. We spend about 4 days together a week (day and/or nights) for the past 3 weeks. So far this week, I've seen him everyday since this past Wednesday (skipping Thursday). While it's only a 2 month relationship, the amount of time we do see each other is more than normal for 2 month relationships (I think!). We talk alot and he has helped me with "manly" things around my house, and I have helped him with "womanly" things for him and his house (and I mean, he has mowed my lawn, thrown out huge garbage from my house, that I'm remodeling, to the city dumpster, etc. While I have cleaned his house, done paperwork and secretarial things on his behalf since I'm more organized, etc.) For the most part, it is a good and balanced relationship so far. We don't throw it in each other's face the help we give each other, because it is mutual and satisfying. I'ts not just a mutual help relationship, we do have feelings for each other, have fun, are intimate, etc (just wanted to clarify that we don't use each other just to help each other).

 

An issue has come up within the past 5 days which is a personal/house issue with a third party on his end (don't want to get in full detail). Since then, he has been a bit more withdrawn when it comes to in respect to my feelings and consideration; and our relationship. I have helped him with whatever he needed with this issue so far (helping him with legal paperwork, typing, etc.) and listened to him vent and so forth. He asks me alot on my opinion because I'm more knowledgeable in some areas. But, I feel so far, it has consumed our relationship. It's all we have talked about and dealt with in the past few days. I want to help him and fix this with him, but I feel very neglected. We had a small fight/disagreement (which I posted briefly about on my first post on this forum) because I felt he really took my help and time for granted on Monday. What happened was he needed my help filing out a paper and needed it notarized. Since I was about 1.3 hrs away, and still had alot of things to do on my own end, I asked him if 6:30pm was a good time. He said yes, he should be home. Well, at around 6:30, he texts me that it will be more like after 8pm, when I was just literally around the corner. So I was upset, because he could of told me this way in advance if he knew he couldn't commit to that time (plus I have issues of my own that were in my mind that I've been over thinking too, but because we're dealing with his, mine have been pushed to the side). And when I got upset at this, he threw a passive-aggressive comment like "fine, I won't bother you with my issues anymore".

 

I want this relationship to work, but I don't know what to do in the meantime while his issue is being dealt with. Do I stick it through, since more issues will pop up in our future, on both ends? Do I tell him that we need space from the relationship until he deals with this, since it will destroy us if we don't balance ourselves? Or just end the relationship since this is too much for a very short relationship time? I just feel he hasn't been given me any attention lately. He has texted way less, when we used to text so much during the day. When he does text, it's 90% of the time about the issue at hand. I brought it up that we needed to work on our inner part of our relationship, which has been suffering. He agreed and asked to be given 2 days to clear his mind. Today, he thanks me for all the help I've provided, which he appreciates, but he wants to stop bringing me into his current issue because it's affecting our relationship. I still asked if we can talk about our relationship, which he agreed later today. Then once again, he texts me shortly after that something came up with his issue, and now he might have to cancel our talk tonight.

 

(And while the issue became a major pain in the past few days, it has been a very small issue right after I met him. Small enough that it wasn't an issue, but more like a nuisance and it DID NOT affect our relationship).

[smackie9]

This is what dating someone is all about...to find out what they will really be like when you are married....like how they handle problems, attitude, being honest, being respectful of each others needs, etc.

 

If he is being a self fish jerk, then that is the way he will always be with you....better to find out now than when you are stuck raising kids and paying a mortgage.

[Redhead14]

I have been dating a guy for the past 2 months. We are exclusive and official. We spend about 4 days together a week (day and/or nights) for the past 3 weeks. So far this week, I've seen him everyday since this past Wednesday (skipping Thursday). While it's only a 2 month relationship, the amount of time we do see each other is more than normal for 2 month relationships (I think!). We talk alot and he has helped me with "manly" things around my house, and I have helped him with "womanly" things for him and his house (and I mean, he has mowed my lawn, thrown out huge garbage from my house, that I'm remodeling, to the city dumpster, etc. While I have cleaned his house, done paperwork and secretarial things on his behalf since I'm more organized, etc.) For the most part, it is a good and balanced relationship so far. We don't throw it in each other's face the help we give each other, because it is mutual and satisfying. I'ts not just a mutual help relationship, we do have feelings for each other, have fun, are intimate, etc (just wanted to clarify that we don't use each other just to help each other).

 

An issue has come up within the past 5 days which is a personal/house issue with a third party on his end (don't want to get in full detail). Since then, he has been a bit more withdrawn when it comes to in respect to my feelings and consideration; and our relationship. I have helped him with whatever he needed with this issue so far (helping him with legal paperwork, typing, etc.) and listened to him vent and so forth. He asks me alot on my opinion because I'm more knowledgeable in some areas. But, I feel so far, it has consumed our relationship. It's all we have talked about and dealt with in the past few days. I want to help him and fix this with him, but I feel very neglected. We had a small fight/disagreement (which I posted briefly about on my first post on this forum) because I felt he really took my help and time for granted on Monday. What happened was he needed my help filing out a paper and needed it notarized. Since I was about 1.3 hrs away, and still had alot of things to do on my own end, I asked him if 6:30pm was a good time. He said yes, he should be home. Well, at around 6:30, he texts me that it will be more like after 8pm, when I was just literally around the corner. So I was upset, because he could of told me this way in advance if he knew he couldn't commit to that time (plus I have issues of my own that were in my mind that I've been over thinking too, but because we're dealing with his, mine have been pushed to the side). And when I got upset at this, he threw a passive-aggressive comment like "fine, I won't bother you with my issues anymore".

 

I want this relationship to work, but I don't know what to do in the meantime while his issue is being dealt with. Do I stick it through, since more issues will pop up in our future, on both ends? Do I tell him that we need space from the relationship until he deals with this, since it will destroy us if we don't balance ourselves? Or just end the relationship since this is too much for a very short relationship time? I just feel he hasn't been given me any attention lately. He has texted way less, when we used to text so much during the day. When he does text, it's 90% of the time about the issue at hand. I brought it up that we needed to work on our inner part of our relationship, which has been suffering. He agreed and asked to be given 2 days to clear his mind. Today, he thanks me for all the help I've provided, which he appreciates, but he wants to stop bringing me into his current issue because it's affecting our relationship. I still asked if we can talk about our relationship, which he agreed later today. Then once again, he texts me shortly after that something came up with his issue, and now he might have to cancel our talk tonight.

 

(And while the issue became a major pain in the past few days, it has been a very small issue right after I met him. Small enough that it wasn't an issue, but more like a nuisance and it DID NOT affect our relationship).

 

I wouldn't put this much effort into a 2 month relationship. At 2 months you should be enjoying the time spent together. At 2 months, you aren't relying on or asking for or giving this kind of help and support on an issue which is apparently so "big". Frankly, I'd tell him that he needs to focus on the issue at hand and that you are going to move forward with your life.

[ExpatInItaly]

I have a slightly different stance.

 

It's only been 5 days since this issue really arose and began affecting the relationship. If it's really that severe, I'd give him some breathing room to sort it out. It doesn't feel nice, but I also wouldn't expect him to be as attentive if he's having a serious problem. It's not unusual for some people to become consumed by an issue if it's causing a lot of stress. If you know he's not usually like this, and if it's been great up until now, I'd cut him a bit of slack.

 

I think part of the problem is that you two spent a lot of time together before this, so this sudden change feels more jarring than it normally might at the 2-month mark.

 

For the moment, I'd take a mental step back and continue doing my own thing. He knows you're not entirely happy right now so see if he is able to make some changes in the midst of all this. If he continues to cancel and neglect the relationship over the next couple weeks, then I would suggest walking away.

[Kuchi2]

I have a slightly different stance.

 

It's only been 5 days since this issue really arose and began affecting the relationship. If it's really that severe, I'd give him some breathing room to sort it out. It doesn't feel nice, but I also wouldn't expect him to be as attentive if he's having a serious problem. It's not unusual for some people to become consumed by an issue if it's causing a lot of stress. If you know he's not usually like this, and if it's been great up until now, I'd cut him a bit of slack.

 

I think part of the problem is that you two spent a lot of time together before this, so this sudden change feels more jarring than it normally might at the 2-month mark.

 

For the moment, I'd take a mental step back and continue doing my own thing. He knows you're not entirely happy right now so see if he is able to make some changes in the midst of all this. If he continues to cancel and neglect the relationship over the next couple weeks, then I would suggest walking away.

 

Thank you everyone for the input. Fortunately, the issue at hand fixed itself within 3-ish days of me posting this and we had a talk and it worked itself out. He was extremely stressed and it was affecting not just our relationship, but others (family's safety, etc). He felt bad that he neglected me to a point that week, but it's been perfect once again since that issue is no longer lingering.

 

Expat: You were right about him being stressed that it consumed him. And because it affected his daughter's safety, it was very stressful for him. I kept helping him as much as possible until the issue just fixed itself one day (he got lucky, fortunately). And you were right the fact we spent so much time together in less than 3 months, that this issue thrown at us was out of the norm. I thought about what you said about not seeing each other as much. We have kinda settled into our relationship where we have stopped seeing each other as much lately, and we just look forward to the weekends together (we live about 40mins apart and we both work full-time and have children). I do move 10 mins from him starting February since I bought a house in the area (before we even met lol).