Author WhirlwindGuy Posted January 16, 2016 Author Posted January 16, 2016 What is "eventually"? Do you think your girlfriend will drag her feet about it until you confront her directly? I don't know about the Arab mindset specifically, but the immigrant Muslim mentality is not only hard to crack but you're coming from a foreign, Westernized background. Among Muslim countries, including the Gulf states, Saudi Arabia is the strictest about gender segregation and Islamic ethos. I'm not surprised your girlfriend is acting out her sexual urges with you because she's probably been segregated from men throughout her life. She probably still feels some guilt for having had premarital sex which is why she's hot and cold with you right now. I remember being super religious in my early 20's and choosing to abstain from sex/dating. When I finally had sex I went crazy because I was so repressed. It was very unhealthy, and it took me until late last year to settle down and realize how messed up my brain had become because I internalized and repressed my own sexual thoughts and felt shame. I was so conflicted about my own sexuality yet engaged in it, nonetheless. Your girlfriend probably feels a lot of cognitive dissonance, also. Do you think she's very Westernized, or do you anticipate she could be more religious in the future? She may be liberal among Saudis but the arrival of children could change her thinking. Will her mother always be in the picture? Most immigrant children feel an obligation to take care of their parents so she might be living with you two until she passes away. Are you okay with that? She has said she intends to confront her about it next week. This week her sister is in town, and didn't want to make it awkward during her visit, which I understand. I asked her about her mother being around if we ever get married and she laughed and said no. When she marries, she intends to be focused on her husband and her mother will not be in the picture. I think she is pretty westernized. She grew up in Oarnge County and LA area. I would have never known she was Muslim had she not told me. Her mother is also somewhat more westernized than most in her generation. What I don't get is that she seemed to like me the first time we met. I brought her a small box of chocolates and took them to dinner at a nice Italian place. We chatted for hours. She invited me to go on a road trip with them out of town that weekend. Apparently during that trip she changed her mind I found out later that she was offended at the gift I got her (wasn't good enough I guess). She apparently took offense to something I said during the weekend about being happy that I found my gf because dating can be challenging (she took this as I was only with her out of convenience or something). She got upset with me because one of the day's my gf wasn't feeling well and left the table at the restaraunt. I noticed her leave the bathroom and go outside for fresh air I saw this so I grabbed her things and told the people we were with that we would catch up with them later that I was going to take her to rest a minute. That apparently was rude of me to do, and I made her look like a bad mother... I've got no idea, but to me it just seems like she was looking for things to find to dislike about me. 1
ses Posted January 16, 2016 Posted January 16, 2016 Unfortunately, she may never accept you irrespective of what you do. Sounds like she's made up her mind. You're not of their background and non-Muslim—and for most Muslim families that will never fly with them. The best thing to do is to continue being respectful and focusing on your girlfriend and the future. Don't let any tension get you down, and make sure your girlfriend has your back if any conflict arises. Approaching matters as a united front may make her mother back down because it shows her daughter can't be controlled. Keep us updated! If you have any comments/questions, feel free to PM me. I wish you two the very best. 1
HereNorThere Posted January 16, 2016 Posted January 16, 2016 (edited) The religion thing will end up playing a bigger role in this than you think especially as it relates to the mother. Saudis practice a very strict, ultra conservative and brutal interpretation of Islam called wahhabism. Im the right context, most of them would have no problem dragging you both out to a public square and beating you to death for your apostasy. Her mom may think you're a nice person, but she certainly isn't going to take a stoning or trip to hell for you. Wow, that's the first time I've ever felt fear writing a post. That's how seriously brutal that religion is. If I were caught in Saudi Arabia writing this, I would almost certainly be a candidate for the death penalty. It's just a completely different world than what you are used to and her mother grew up with that sort of programming. I wouldn't take it personally if you feel tension or a lack of approval because in all honesty, she may just not want to honor killed by her other family members. Edited January 16, 2016 by HereNorThere 1
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted January 16, 2016 Author Posted January 16, 2016 Unfortunately, she may never accept you irrespective of what you do. Sounds like she's made up her mind. You're not of their background and non-Muslim—and for most Muslim families that will never fly with them. The best thing to do is to continue being respectful and focusing on your girlfriend and the future. Don't let any tension get you down, and make sure your girlfriend has your back if any conflict arises. Approaching matters as a united front may make her mother back down because it shows her daughter can't be controlled. Keep us updated! If you have any comments/questions, feel free to PM me. I wish you two the very best. Thank you again ses. I've tried reaching out to her directly the past week. I sent her a text asking if I could take her to lunch to talk about whatever I've done that upset her. She never responded. I sent her a follow up text apologizing for anything that may have offended her, letting her know I would like to prove to her that I'm a good guy, etc. never got a response from that either. I truly appreciate all of the feedback. I'll be in touch.
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