ltjg45 Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 My appearance? Search up "ulzzang", I am similar to their appearance and have the same makeup put on as they do. Personality wise, I never approach the guys I find attractive. I don't know what to talk about to them and I am afraid of rejection, like I have experienced many times in the past. Everybody I am attracted to, never seems to like me back while others who I am not attracted to, tend to be attracted to me. I never even look their way or give them any positive body language because the seating in class makes it very difficult to do that. There are a lot of guys around when I am preparing for my flight, and they are also doing the same thing. However, I don't want to disturb them and I am afraid that they will once again, reject me. I never smile, unless I find something funny. I concentrate on class all the time, and only talk to women. I always cross my arms or cross my legs, leaving right after class to either go home or to study. Regardless if I am attracted to you or not, if any woman does what you do that I underlined, I would never bothered trying to approach her at all. That gives off a strong signal that she is simply not interested in dating (or not interested in me) and it is something I see a LOT in real life from many women, regardless if she has a boyfriend/husband or not. Taking chances is one thing but when I have to take a risk that can be very costly if backfired (especially in college where people talk constantly so word gets around very quickly) and there is a very little chance of success, I am not taking that risk. I take educated risks, ones that have a decent chance to succeed and, if it doesn't, it won't destroy me or my meager reputation.
Toodaloo Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Personality wise, I never approach the guys I find attractive. I don't know what to talk about to them and I am afraid of rejection, like I have experienced many times in the past. Everybody I am attracted to, never seems to like me back while others who I am not attracted to, tend to be attracted to me. I never even look their way or give them any positive body language because the seating in class makes it very difficult to do that. There are a lot of guys around when I am preparing for my flight, and they are also doing the same thing. However, I don't want to disturb them and I am afraid that they will once again, reject me. I never smile, unless I find something funny. I concentrate on class all the time, and only talk to women. I always cross my arms or cross my legs, leaving right after class to either go home or to study. This is why you are single. You may not realise it but you are making yourself un-approachable. The Older guys approach because they see you as a cute little thing and chance their luck because they sometimes get lucky and don't care about rejection. The younger guys stay away as you are not giving them any hope of a yes or friendly conversation so they are not bothering. My advice. Uncross arms and legs. Smile. Chat to your class mates about the class or ask for help with something you find hard. Conversational starters "How is my plane looking today - anything I need to know about?" or "Looks blowy up there" Blimey I don't know just talk about every day things that you would talk to your grandmother about. Smile and keep your body language open. Practice when buying food or fuel etc. Practice when you go out for a drink or when you are with your family. Practice enough and it will become second nature. Its what I did (I had to as part of one of my old jobs) and now I can strike up conversation with almost anyone anywhere at any time. 1
MoreAmore Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Your body language and attitude are not approachable, which if you're exceptionally good looking plays against you double. I am not that attractive and have always been approached a lot- Moreso than female friends I think of as more attractive. I've chalked it down to being less scary. You need to approach some, and start conversations. You don't have to ask someone out, just let them know you're open. 1
HereNorThere Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 By all accounts, I would assume a female, vegan pilot would be the first person who is for equality between the sexes. If that's the case, why on this particular issue have you regressed back to a pre-women's rights era? Maybe I'm wrong and you aren't a feminist, but if you are, can you see how in the particular area aren't? You want to work in a male dominated career field and be respected for it, but when it comes to dating it seems like you regressed to some Victorian era ideas about dating? You can't have equality for the sexes and at the same time expect men to pursue and court you in this way. You are either for equality or not. Surely if you have the guts to fly a plane or can muster the courage to initiate conversations with the males you find attractive. Otherwise, you should probably quit flight school and find a job in the secretarial or child care field. 2
loveweary11 Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 you don't win friends with salad Lisa, Great quote!!! Can't get the chant or conga line out of my head now.
loveweary11 Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 - My appearance? Search up "ulzzang", I am similar to their appearance and have the same makeup put on as they do. This is why the old creepers are too into you if you are in the usa. This look is a trend among old pervs. It's exactly what they dream of scoring with before they die. This look and your ethnicity (mostly being Korean unfortunately) is going to get you a lot of attention. It's like every older guy's dream... (not mine), so there is a societal trend at play here as well. This is an aside. Take the advice of the other posters on how to attract guys you want and once you have a guy, the pervs will naturally go away, since you'll be with your guy!
joystickd Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 (edited) It simple the reason you are single is YOU!! Older men just don't [care]. You probably just have the resting [stay away] face. No young man wants to approach that. Edited January 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language
carhill Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 It appears you have no interest in nor attraction to men who find you attractive and approach you. Samples: Why do I attract much older (creepy) men? Why do I ALWAYS attract Indian men?! Part of it is your age too. It's normal and healthy to be single and socializing with a wide variety of people at your age. Single doesn't mean alone and isolated rather it means you have the freedom to move from person to person as you see fit without any expressed or legally formalized commitments. Not a bad deal when one is young. IMO, just keep meeting people and one will gel into the expiration of your singlehood. That's how life usually goes.
hasaquestion Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 That's because most women aren't going risk pissing off someone who is physically bigger than them when they're cornered. Instead, they tell their friends, co-workers, bosses, neighbors or eventually post on anonymous Internet forums. Just because women aren't calling you a creep to your face doesn't mean you do not have a reputation as a creep. If you in fact a "serial approacher" it's more than likely you do. The difference is that if you are approaching that many woman, the label probably applies to you. Congratulations, you are literally the person ruining it for everyone, creep. Thanks for taking time out from sending 100s of creepy messages on OKCupid to join the conversation. I don't have an OK Cupid. And I'm a respectful guy who no one has any valid reason to complain about. But thanks for your kind words Like others said OP, google "resting ***** face". You don't have to change anything essential about who you are, just a few cues. Men will do the rest.
mike_89 Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 I never even look their way or give them any positive body language because the seating in class makes it very difficult to do that. I never smile, unless I find something funny. I concentrate on class all the time, and only talk to women. I always cross my arms or cross my legs, leaving right after class to either go home or to study. I just... How does it surprise you that you get approached by creepy, old guys? With body language like that the ONLY guys that are going to approach you, are the ones that are oblivious to your unfriendly, even hostile body language. And how does it surprise you that no regular guys ever approach you? You are making yourself look hostile, like you are going to reject them cruelly if they would dare talk to you. You say you never smile and that the guys only ever see you talk to other women. They probably even think you are a lesbian or a hardcore "I don't need no man" feminist. 1
HereNorThere Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 (edited) I don't have an OK Cupid. And I'm a respectful guy who no one has any valid reason to complain about. But thanks for your kind words Like others said OP, google "resting ***** face". You don't have to change anything essential about who you are, just a few cues. Men will do the rest. My issue is that you said you were a serial approacher who mostly gets rejected. That's like playing the dating game as if it were the lottery. Sure, we all get rejected from time to time, but if you are constantly approaching and being rejected you are exactly the type of person that OP is speaking about. You aren't taking the time to make sure the person you are approaching is someone in your "league" or range of dating. You're playing the numbers game angle- if you approach 50 girls at least one of them is going to say yes, amirite? In the meantime you've approached girls that would obviously be uninterested, but just like the lottery, your mindset is "you gotta play to win." That really just makes us all males look bad and leads to women becoming jaded and frustrated like OP. If you're approaching that many women and getting rejected- you're doing something wrong, not hitting the right demographic, trying to date out of your league/age range/etc or just have some serious flaws in your game. Either way, it looks bad on all of us and OPs post is proof of that. Edited January 14, 2016 by HereNorThere 1
smackie9 Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 "My appearance? Search up "ulzzang", I am similar to their appearance and have the same makeup put on as they do. "....or any old guy's sex doll" LOL now it all makes sense....ulzzang looks like an old man's sex doll. A lot of young guys do not like that much makeup on a girl, it looks "fake" to them. (lots of threads about that one). 1
loveflower Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 My appearance? Search up "ulzzang" oh, there is name for those faces...it seems every asian girls I saw on the internet look like that nowaday. I am an asian myself. I have nice facial features...but I don't look like Ulzzang and act like that. not to be offensive, I find girls who look and act like that are very fake...it's out of this world to me. maybe different generations I guess... there is no depth and individual personality in this kind of look. IMO I have a friend who always doll and ps herself up like that and post on fb...
SwordofFlame Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 "My appearance? Search up "ulzzang", I am similar to their appearance and have the same makeup put on as they do. "....or any old guy's sex doll" LOL now it all makes sense....ulzzang looks like an old man's sex doll. A lot of young guys do not like that much makeup on a girl, it looks "fake" to them. (lots of threads about that one). I agree. I'm an Asian guy (albeit extremely Americanized) and that look is a huge turn off to me. That combined with your extremely unsocial body language and attitude is probably why no guys your age approach you.
loveflower Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 A lot of young guys do not like that much makeup on a girl, it looks "fake" to them. (lots of threads about that one). good for them...I thought only me who doesn't like that. guys must love it that's why those girls dolled up and act like that...maybe Asian guys like that?
HereNorThere Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 I looked up the ulzzang thing as well. So you look like an anime character? I'm not saying you won't find guys who think that attractive, but it seems like it would be a pretty small subset a guys. Maybe video gamers, fetishist, people who are into anime? With such a unique look, you would probably have a better time dating within the communities that have men who are into that sort of thing. Internet dating sites, reddit and other forums, etc. are probably going to have a higher ratio of men who are into that than the general public. You would probably clean up if you started looking for partners that are into your specific look. 2
GunslingerRoland Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 a) You sound as unapproachable as expected. b) It sounds like you don't get out much, so where are people supposed to approach you. c) You don't sound like a lot of fun even if someone does approach you, so you go to school and you go home and study. Sounds like a blast, just what every 20 year old guy is looking for. d) While I get what RecentChange is saying, men do value intelligence in women, but not necessarily an advanced career. I know very few men that make a strong effort to pursue women because of their career/education level. Maybe it is different for women, but I know more engineers that have a hard time getting a date than bartenders. e) You sound like a stereotype. The bookish Asian girl with pretty looks, but extremely traditional values. It isn't a draw for many men in north America except for those creepers with a fetish to corrupt your innocence.
hasaquestion Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 My issue is that you said you were a serial approacher who mostly gets rejected. That's like playing the dating game as if it were the lottery. Sure, we all get rejected from time to time, but if you are constantly approaching and being rejected you are exactly the type of person that OP is speaking about. You aren't taking the time to make sure the person you are approaching is someone in your "league" or range of dating. You're playing the numbers game angle- if you approach 50 girls at least one of them is going to say yes, amirite? In the meantime you've approached girls that would obviously be uninterested, but just like the lottery, your mindset is "you gotta play to win." That really just makes us all males look bad and leads to women becoming jaded and frustrated like OP. If you're approaching that many women and getting rejected- you're doing something wrong, not hitting the right demographic, trying to date out of your league/age range/etc or just have some serious flaws in your game. Either way, it looks bad on all of us and OPs post is proof of that. I believe that human beings are social creatures. Being respectfully friendly is something I will never have second thoughts about. Furthermore, people also acquire skills through repetition. If you want to be good at connecting with people, you have to actually try it sometimes. Even if I have zero intention of going on a date with a girl, if she looks friendly, I might approach. Make an observation, say something nice and leave unless she's suggesting to me somehow to stick around. Brighten someone's day. Since I broke up with my ex about 2 months ago I've been 'serially approaching' strangers on errands and I've definitely noticed improvement in some aspects of my body language. How? Practice and good self-assessment. In some ways I'm a better man for the first date I have this Saturday. As for the numbers game bit... I think you can accept that fact that dating is a "numbers game" without being some kind of lecherous freak. And I think being incapable of nuance in human interaction (i.e. finding a balance between two forward and too demure, creepy and distant), and setting up dualities of nice vs. jerk in everything, is the worst problem for a lot of 'struggling' guys. So I try to advise them to stop thinking about grand epistemological concepts and just go out there and live a little and pay attention. Everything in human existence is a matter of numbers at some level. Doesn't take the romance out of an ocean breeze or a sunset that you can slice it as a numerically defined phenomena. 1
Hopeful30 Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 Yes. This. Although hard to tell if this is really your experience or not. Of course no-one wants to say....I'm so hot people are too scared to approach me. Sometimes if you are an attractive female then you've got to make special effort to seem like a super nice person too. Otherwise others will assume the worst. Which can make things worse sometimes unfortunately. Youre hot AND nice? Something's up with the Universe...
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