veganpilot Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 I am currently a student majoring in aviation with decent grades. I don't want to sound like I am bragging, but the majority of the people I have met, both female and male, find me attractive on a good day. I do receive looks and attention in the streets and even the library when I am studying. However, I am still single. Nobody in my class (the majority of the members being male) ever come up to speak or say hello to me. I wonder why is that. The only people that do speak to me or flirt with me are men over the age of 40 (which I am hardly attracted to because we're born in different generations and yielding different interests. I am also highly confident that any significantly older men with an equivalent age of my father's coming up to speak to me on the streets is purely judging me by looks. One time, a 60 year old man even tried to grope me. Disgusting, I know) , weird guys (I mean, very persistent and creepy. I politely back off or let them down gently, yet they continue to pursue me, get closer to me or even touch me) or aggressive men. Why is this? It makes me wonder.
contel3 Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 The only people that do speak to me or flirt with me are men over the age of 40 (which I am hardly attracted to because we're born in different generations and yielding different interests. I am also highly confident that any significantly older men with an equivalent age of my father's coming up to speak to me on the streets is purely judging me by looks. One time, a 60 year old man even tried to grope me. Disgusting, I know) , weird guys (I mean, very persistent and creepy. I politely back off or let them down gently, yet they continue to pursue me, get closer to me or even touch me) or aggressive men. Why is this? It makes me wonder. This is normal. Nothing to wonder about, it's like this for most women. Never knew why.
Wewon Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 You have to ignore the non-starters, creeps, old men etc and focus on the prospects that you would be receptive to not approaching. The fact that an attractive women surrounded by age appropriate men not being approached is something that you should be able to learn from. Would you consider yourself a friendly person? Do you initiate casual conversation? How is your body language? Men aren't going to approach if they are concerned with *****ing where they are obligated to be everyday. Noone wants to hit on the one girl in class and get branded as the jerk if she doesn't like him or otherwise rebuffs him. How women act after rejecting a man, can be unpredictable and not worth the drama. The reasons that women give for this are really immaterial to the guy that has to live with the consequences; her 'feels' are great, but he has to live with his own experiences. See this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/565048-women-s-behavior-after-rejecting-hypothetical The key to getting more approaches from men is to put yourself somewhere that approaching you is easy and appropriate. 2
PogoStick Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 Don't worry, in 20 years you'll be complaining why 40 year old guys are no longer hitting on you and wishing to have them back. 8
smackie9 Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 Young guys usually have high expectations on who they find "Hot" "Attractive" Older guys probably find you innocent looking/not intimidating/weak. (I'm taking guesses here). You need to bring up your game. guys are physical creature and it's looks first/personality second. I don't know what you look like so I'm just gonna throw some suggestions out there. Guys' like silky long hair, sexy eyes (some nice eyeliner will help), dress sexy but feminine (heeled over the knee boots with an over sized v-neck sweater with a tight cami showing some cleavage). SMILE! smiling/eye contact at everyone makes you approachable. Posturing/body language is very important. How you walk into a room, sit makes all the difference in the world. No guy gives a rat's ass about how good your grades are, they want to see a nice smile attached to a nice rack. It is what it is. 5
loveflower Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 This is normal. Nothing to wonder about, it's like this for most women. Never knew why. second that. Mystery of all times. 1
Hopeful30 Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 Sounds familiar. Because you're very attractive, most average people will find you intimidating, but older men who don't really have much to lose see no reason to be intimidated and go for it. Sometimes being too good looking has it's downsides too. 3
hasaquestion Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 I am currently a student majoring in aviation with decent grades. I don't want to sound like I am bragging, but the majority of the people I have met, both female and male, find me attractive on a good day. I do receive looks and attention in the streets and even the library when I am studying. However, I am still single. Nobody in my class (the majority of the members being male) ever come up to speak or say hello to me. I wonder why is that. The only people that do speak to me or flirt with me are men over the age of 40 (which I am hardly attracted to because we're born in different generations and yielding different interests. I am also highly confident that any significantly older men with an equivalent age of my father's coming up to speak to me on the streets is purely judging me by looks. One time, a 60 year old man even tried to grope me. Disgusting, I know) , weird guys (I mean, very persistent and creepy. I politely back off or let them down gently, yet they continue to pursue me, get closer to me or even touch me) or aggressive men. Why is this? It makes me wonder. The key to solving a problem is first framing it precisely. *What is the difference between you and the "successful girls"? What do you do differently? In what ways are you different? *What's your elevator pitch? Say you had a 60 seconds to describe what makes you someone I want to date - what would you say?
truth_seeker Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 No guy gives a rat's ass about how good your grades are, they want to see a nice smile attached to a nice rack. It is what it is. You forgot great ass 1
truth_seeker Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 If you look like a b-tch (not saying you are, but some women when they don't smile look b-tchy) that could turn men away. If you're really hot, men will assume: not in my league, has a boyfriend, can't afford her, why waste my time. I think the best way to solve your problem is for you to approach men you find attractive.
GunslingerRoland Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 If men are regularly checking you out but never approaching you, you must be giving off some sort of wrong signal. But grades aren't really anything of excitement to either sex as far an eligible partner. In fact being in a program like that could be intimidating to many men. Also, not many men are particularly impressed with vegan's and most of the vegan's I've met can be very self righteous about it. I'm not necessarily saying that you are, but the fact that you've nicknamed yourself based on that shows me that it's an important part of your personality. Sorry but you don't win friends with salad Lisa, even naked friends. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 Are you approachable? Do you have a smile on your face or do you give everyone around you the evil eye? Try saying hello to your classmates. see if that changes things.
introverted1 Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 Didn't we just address this? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/563800-why-do-i-attract-much-older-creepy-men
Buddhist Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 Sounds familiar. Because you're very attractive, most average people will find you intimidating, but older men who don't really have much to lose see no reason to be intimidated and go for it. Sometimes being too good looking has it's downsides too. Yes. This. Although hard to tell if this is really your experience or not. Of course no-one wants to say....I'm so hot people are too scared to approach me. Sometimes if you are an attractive female then you've got to make special effort to seem like a super nice person too. Otherwise others will assume the worst.
basil67 Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 A guy won't care about what you're studying and your appearance is only skin deep. I have to echo the questions of others and ask about your personality. Are you approachable? Do you smile? Do you make an effort to meet new people?
smackie9 Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 Hey even if you are really attractive, there will be a few brave souls that will take the risk.
road Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 Sometimes men will not approach a woman because they feel she won't go out we me for she is way out of my league even on my best day.
HereNorThere Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 Most nice, normal guys simply aren't going to approach women because they are afraid of being "creep-shamed." Women want to be approached, but they want to be approached by certain type of guy at a certain time and if you aren't that, you get shamed for it. So many nice, normal guys have had adverse reactions from even so much as looking in a woman's direction that they simply do not cold approach women anymore. Women have really overused the creep label to the point where normal guys are afraid they could end up on that list (especially in a professional environment where there are real consequences.) Sure, there are genuine creeps out there, but women tend to label any unwanted attention as creepy. Your post really says it all. You are approached by men, just not the men you want to approach you. Then you turn around and degrade those men and call them names. That's why there are very few genuinely good guys approaching women. They don't want to end up being shamed by you for saying hi. 8
truth_seeker Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Most nice, normal guys simply aren't going to approach women because they are afraid of being "creep-shamed." Women want to be approached, but they want to be approached by certain type of guy at a certain time and if you aren't that, you get shamed for it. So many nice, normal guys have had adverse reactions from even so much as looking in a woman's direction that they simply do not cold approach women anymore. Women have really overused the creep label to the point where normal guys are afraid they could end up on that list (especially in a professional environment where there are real consequences.) Sure, there are genuine creeps out there, but women tend to label any unwanted attention as creepy. Your post really says it all. You are approached by men, just not the men you want to approach you. Then you turn around and degrade those men and call them names. That's why there are very few genuinely good guys approaching women. They don't want to end up being shamed by you for saying hi. This is a great post. True on all fronts. Women need to read this! 1
hasaquestion Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Most nice, normal guys simply aren't going to approach women because they are afraid of being "creep-shamed." Women want to be approached, but they want to be approached by certain type of guy at a certain time and if you aren't that, you get shamed for it. So many nice, normal guys have had adverse reactions from even so much as looking in a woman's direction that they simply do not cold approach women anymore. Women have really overused the creep label to the point where normal guys are afraid they could end up on that list (especially in a professional environment where there are real consequences.) Sure, there are genuine creeps out there, but women tend to label any unwanted attention as creepy. Your post really says it all. You are approached by men, just not the men you want to approach you. Then you turn around and degrade those men and call them names. That's why there are very few genuinely good guys approaching women. They don't want to end up being shamed by you for saying hi. I hear this a lot but as a serial approacher(?) it never happens to me. Don't get me wrong, I mostly get "rejected". But I've never been told I'm a creep or anything like that. Its always more of a frown-and-cross-my-arms-and-stop-talking-to-you deal. If someone wants to talk to you they'll make it obvious. They face you, they'll smile, they'll look you in the eye, maybe blush or fidget... its obvious if someone wants to talk. So if you are going to "cold approach" someone then make the first move and turn on the observant button. If you don't get that vibe than its time to get outta there.
HereNorThere Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 I hear this a lot but as a serial approacher(?) it never happens to me. Don't get me wrong, I mostly get "rejected". But I've never been told I'm a creep or anything like that. Its always more of a frown-and-cross-my-arms-and-stop-talking-to-you deal. If someone wants to talk to you they'll make it obvious. They face you, they'll smile, they'll look you in the eye, maybe blush or fidget... its obvious if someone wants to talk. So if you are going to "cold approach" someone then make the first move and turn on the observant button. If you don't get that vibe than its time to get outta there. That's because most women aren't going risk pissing off someone who is physically bigger than them when they're cornered. Instead, they tell their friends, co-workers, bosses, neighbors or eventually post on anonymous Internet forums. Just because women aren't calling you a creep to your face doesn't mean you do not have a reputation as a creep. If you in fact a "serial approacher" it's more than likely you do. The difference is that if you are approaching that many woman, the label probably applies to you. Congratulations, you are literally the person ruining it for everyone, creep. Thanks for taking time out from sending 100s of creepy messages on OKCupid to join the conversation.
wb1988 Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 It's a little hard to feel bad for a male vegan, I'm just saying.
RecentChange Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Hum... Maybe it's because I am more "average" in the looks department. But I have never struggled with being single. I disagree that the answer is to gussy up more, or that your choosen area of study is irrelevant. I suppose it depends on the type of men you want to attract. Shallow men? Sure... Then follow that advice. I am confident, and I am attracted to not only good looking, but smart / educated / driven men. And how do I get their interest? By approaching them rather than sitting back and waiting for prince charming to find me. Start a conversation, flirt, do the things we expect men to do. Show a real interest in them, ask about them, smile, joke, tease and make it clear you enjoy their company, and want more of it. 1
loveflower Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 I am confident, and I am attracted to not only good looking, but smart / educated / driven men. And how do I get their interest? By approaching them rather than sitting back and waiting for prince charming to find me. Start a conversation, flirt, do the things we expect men to do. Show a real interest in them, ask about them, smile, joke, tease and make it clear you enjoy their company, and want more of it. wow...this is eye opening for me...I am the waiting type...maybe I should try to change...
Author veganpilot Posted January 14, 2016 Author Posted January 14, 2016 What I label as "creepy" advances are: - Persistent, continued approach despite that I have subtly stated I'm less than interested in them. After letting them down subtly and gently but they still persist, I would state clearly that I'm not interested in them, but they continue to flirt/try to get me to date them. I initially offered these guys friendship, but they take me for granted. - Guys that touch me or try to get closer to me even when I move away from them and give them weird looks. - Guys that are way out of my age range. I will care that 20 years later on, men around my age won't hit on me. This is the same dilemma I am faced with now! Men my age never talk to or approach me. Why should I appreciate and accept advances from any 40+ year old man going by purely looks, thinking I am easily taken advantage of/too innocent/naive/weak. If they judge me by looks, I have every right to say they are hardly attractive to me and I don't want to date someone my father's age. I don't need an old man to look after me or feed me money and neither am I any old man's sex doll. -Guys that ask me whether or not I am virgin or ask me about sex out of the blue. I tend to tell them I am not, and to buzz off firmly. And that's a polite way of putting it. I am still a virgin, but I am waiting for marriage or until the right one comes along. My appearance? Search up "ulzzang", I am similar to their appearance and have the same makeup put on as they do. Personality wise, I never approach the guys I find attractive. I don't know what to talk about to them and I am afraid of rejection, like I have experienced many times in the past. Everybody I am attracted to, never seems to like me back while others who I am not attracted to, tend to be attracted to me. I never even look their way or give them any positive body language because the seating in class makes it very difficult to do that. There are a lot of guys around when I am preparing for my flight, and they are also doing the same thing. However, I don't want to disturb them and I am afraid that they will once again, reject me. I never smile, unless I find something funny. I concentrate on class all the time, and only talk to women. I always cross my arms or cross my legs, leaving right after class to either go home or to study.
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