Asked for a second chance. Answer was no! Time to move on *sigh*

[ExtraSpice]

So to give a brief backstory. I broke up with my ex over some personal issues, relationship was going fine really. Later realized that those issues could have been solved while in the relationship and probably would have been easier if I had confided in her. I came straight out, said I made a mistake and asked for a second chance. She needed some time to think, so she took about a month. And yesterday we talked and she said no to the second chance. Her reasons were legitimate and logical. And I think she made the right decision for herself.

 

We were civil, I told her I understand her reasons, said that I am happy I spent a part of my life with her and I wish her all the best. She is not much of a talker esp when face to face, so she didn't really say anything like that in return. Which doesn't mean much but would have been a little comforting to hear. A selfish need I guess.

 

To be honest I was expecting a no and trying to prepare for it but it still hits you when it actually happens. Right now I feel a little numb. I feel a little scared because I know I will feel lonely, I know I will feel low self esteem, I know I will miss her. No matter how hard I try I know I have to go through the process of healing. And in the end it may be all for the better but that doesn't help the present. I am filled with a good amount of regret and that is a difficult feeling to handle.

 

I don't have any specific question, just wanted to let it out to someone. Any advice or suggestions or shared experiences are always welcome.

[Blanco]

In the coming weeks and months, you can find a sliver of comfort in knowing you made your attempt at reconciliation. You won't be left wondering "what if?" As time moves along, I think you'll find that this finality will help you heal and recover faster than if you still thought in the back of your mind that you had a chance with her.

 

Best of luck.

[DrMario]

It's always a risk when you leave somebody that the door might be shut when you wish to come back in, I think you did what you thought was best for you at the time and you probably thought leaving her was the best option so you wouldn't drag her in to your problems.

 

I'm sorry to hear she knocked you back but you handled it well and I'm sure she appreciated that, don't live your life in guilt and regret, you made a mistake as we all do and you tried to put it right, sadly it wasn't to be this time, but don't lose heart, just make sure you don't make the same mistakes again in the future with somebody else.

[ExtraSpice]

Thank you Blanco and DrMario.

 

Blanco you are right about the fact that the finality of it all will help in the healing process. Before the final decision, the uncertainty was killing me. Will she say yes or no? And before I asked for a second chance the what ifs were killing me. As difficult as it is, I am glad about the fact that things are certain now. I don't need to harbor hope of reconciliation.

 

DrMario. That is the challenge now. I need to try to not knock myself down by being stuck in a merry go round of regret and guilt. Nothing I can do will change the past. I can only influence the present and the future. And though it is a lot easier said than done I hope to do my best and accomplish that.

 

Thank you for your replies.

[Silver_star]

I think you learned some valuable lessons about yourself.

 

How long did you wait before asking for a second chance? I think timing is important as well. Going through rejection and heartbreak is a process and if she already grieved the loss of your relationship she had to do a lot of mental work to get to that point, and so going back to what it was before is not possible. Going back at all after the relationship has been lost is a rare thing, but it sometimes happens and turns into a new kind of relationship. Some people don't want to take the risk of wasting their time or having their heart broken again by the same person.

 

 

I think you are mentally strong for realizing your mistakes, and just know that it's okay to mess up in life. Things happen, we act in ways we cant take back, and sometimes we don't have control of the circumstances, just learn from it. One day you will find another woman who you grow to love, and when you do, don't push her away when you have troubles. Grow with her. Love works in bad times and good.

[ExtraSpice]

How long did you wait before asking for a second chance? I think timing is important as well. Going through rejection and heartbreak is a process and if she already grieved the loss of your relationship she had to do a lot of mental work to get to that point, and so going back to what it was before is not possible.

 

I waited a month before asking for a second chance. But you are absolutely right that timing matters a lot. In that month she had already accepted the fact that the relationship was done. And why wouldn't she since I broke up with her. So her main reason was that she already went through the heartbreak once and does not want to have to go through it again.

 

And I can't do anything but agree with that. It makes sense, I understand where she is coming from. She made a decision that she felt is best for her and I have to respect that. Just hurts knowing that I messed up and I am at this point not because of some unforeseen circumstance but as a result of my own actions and decisions.

 

But I have learned from this mistake, and I don't intend on repeating it. We are human and we make mistakes. We tend to be very tough on ourselves so I just have to learn to forgive myself as well. Just have to learn from the mistake instead of be absorbed by it.