joseb Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Look at your experience from the perspective of many men who use OLD. You got invited to a 3 some, meaning at least two people on that site reached out to you and find you attractive. While you may not be interested in the offer you received, you still got an offer. I remember weeks of using OLD and getting zero messages, zero replies, and only a few profile views. Many men would be happy to get some recognition of their existence online, period. Your complaint is like a fat person complaining to their starving friend about the poor quality of the cheeseburger they just ate. Yeah I was just about to say I would be flattered by such a message. In the greater scheme of things, I would definitely not count this as a "bad" message.
HereNorThere Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 It's funny that you think males would be bothered by a message like that. I'm pretty sure a high percentage of men fantasize about being offered a threesome even if they aren't interested. Lol!!!!
normal person Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 OP, here's a counterpoint for you. A random sample of what women like to send me. Maybe 3 worth reading per dozen. I'm not trying to start a gender war here, but take note: women are just as guilty of bad messages as men are. Look at your experience from the perspective of many men who use OLD. You got invited to a 3 some, meaning at least two people on that site reached out to you and find you attractive. While you may not be interested in the offer you received, you still got an offer. I remember weeks of using OLD and getting zero messages, zero replies, and only a few profile views. Many men would be happy to get some recognition of their existence online, period. Many men also assume that merely having a profile warrants some sort of attention regardless of its content. Not at all the case. Anyways, everyone's problems are relative. Having someone message you isn't going to solve your problems if the message is terrible and/or uninspired. It could be anyone with basic literacy writing "hi." No personality whatsoever. Completely interchangeable with anyone else capable of typing two letters. How would you like 50 messages that all say "hey there." Odds are you don't want to settle for someone who's incapable of reading a profile and using it to craft something mildly interesting. Your complaint is like a fat person complaining to their starving friend about the poor quality of the cheeseburger they just ate. I don't think she was complaining, just illustrating. And your analogy isn't very complete. Why is one person fat and able to get cheeseburgers and the other starving? Whatever your situation, it's usually not entirely circumstantial. There are things the starving person can do to get cheeseburgers that they're not doing. I'd suggest the starving person step out of their comfort zone, apply effort, and figure out how to get cheeseburgers rather than just complain.
insert_name Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 OP, here's a counterpoint for you. A random sample of what women like to send me. Maybe 3 worth reading per dozen. I'm not trying to start a gender war here, but take note: women are just as guilty of bad messages as men are. Many men also assume that merely having a profile warrants some sort of attention regardless of its content. Not at all the case. Anyways, everyone's problems are relative. Having someone message you isn't going to solve your problems if the message is terrible and/or uninspired. It could be anyone with basic literacy writing "hi." No personality whatsoever. Completely interchangeable with anyone else capable of typing two letters. How would you like 50 messages that all say "hey there." Odds are you don't want to settle for someone who's incapable of reading a profile and using it to craft something mildly interesting. I don't think she was complaining, just illustrating. And your analogy isn't very complete. Why is one person fat and able to get cheeseburgers and the other starving? Whatever your situation, it's usually not entirely circumstantial. There are things the starving person can do to get cheeseburgers that they're not doing. I'd suggest the starving person step out of their comfort zone, apply effort, and figure out how to get cheeseburgers rather than just complain. Yeah it must be really terrible having all those women messaging first and indicating their interest! Unfortunately I don't think you are going to convince guys that girls initiating with bland, uninspired messages is not all it is cracked up to be. It feels like a jaded guy who is fed up of life telling a blind man "you ought to be thankful that you are blind buddy, there is nothing worth seeing anyway!". Those of us who struggle to get any sort of interest online are always going to need to judge for ourselves but we are in a position where we can only dream of being in such a situation. One man's lead is another's gold etc. And believe me in my case it is not for the want of trying to improve my pictures/profile! Even when I match with girls on Tinder or whereever if I don't initiate conversation then nothing is said and from what I hear Bumble is tanking because when left to their own initiative women won't make the first move, so you are doing very well indeed even to get the sort of lame opening from a woman that a man would get crucified for.
Author Toodaloo Posted January 14, 2016 Author Posted January 14, 2016 OP, here's a counterpoint for you. A random sample of what women like to send me. Maybe 3 worth reading per dozen. I'm not trying to start a gender war here, but take note: women are just as guilty of bad messages as men are. Many men also assume that merely having a profile warrants some sort of attention regardless of its content. Not at all the case. Anyways, everyone's problems are relative. Having someone message you isn't going to solve your problems if the message is terrible and/or uninspired. Odds are you don't want to settle for someone who's incapable of reading a profile and using it to craft something mildly interesting. I don't think she was complaining, just illustrating. And your analogy isn't very complete. Why is one person fat and able to get cheeseburgers and the other starving? Whatever your situation, it's usually not entirely circumstantial. There are things the starving person can do to get cheeseburgers that they're not doing. I'd suggest the starving person step out of their comfort zone, apply effort, and figure out how to get cheeseburgers rather than just complain. Seems as though you have just helped me out here as I am always bleating on to what feels like a brick wall about men and women having the same problems with OLD. Thank you. My inbox tends to look like that too... Not quite so many but ho hum whats a girl to do! As for the cheese burgers analogy. You are right. There are plenty if you know where to look and who to ask. I think for many of us here the problem is that we do not know where to look or who to ask. My post was to indicate why we get so tired sometimes of OLD. It is tedious and hard work trying to find "love" when you are older. 1
TheArtist Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 It is tedious and hard work trying to find "love" when you are older. Ahh, but when we were younger, did we ever really know what love was? Now that we're a little wiser we know what it is that we want. A goddamn cheeseburger.
Author Toodaloo Posted January 14, 2016 Author Posted January 14, 2016 My POF stats I contacted 22 in total over the past 6 months Short Conversations that fizzled - 2 Long Conversations that fizzled - 1 Dates - 3 Ongoing - 1 Not responded to - 15 Each message I sent I made an effort with. I did not send any "hey" type messages. A total of 56 men contacted me in the last 6 months. Short conversations that fizzled - 2 Long Conversations that fizzled - 5 Dates - 5 Ongoing - 1 Not applicable (Old friend I grew up with) - 1 Not responded to 42 Of the 42 messages that I did not respond to there were mostly "Hi" or "hey" or "Fancy a f***" or other such profanity. There were 2 that were a bit longer but not well thought out and to be blunt the guy sounded like a desperate drip. I am not dog ugly. Some say I am pretty or beautiful. I have no clue what I would give myself out of ten I guess a 7 when I have my make up on? Those who have seen my profile would be better able to advise on that. I do not look fat in my pictures. I do not have any of the "men under such and such a height need not apply" type comments. I know I have not contacted as many men as have contacted me, I only flick through for 5-10 minutes every couple of days. I am also trying to get out more and meet people in real life. So not an avid user. I think these stats are pretty reflective that both genders have similar problems with OLD responses and quality of matches to talk to. 1
Author Toodaloo Posted January 14, 2016 Author Posted January 14, 2016 Ahh, but when we were younger, did we ever really know what love was? Now that we're a little wiser we know what it is that we want. A goddamn cheeseburger. With BBQ sauce and some chips... 2
MissBee Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Latest example Hi , and please forgive my forwardness. We were curious if you would consider and evening of food , drink and 3some fun with my girlfriend and I , we are professional people so absolute privacy and discretion are assured. her profile is highheels40 . thank you and rsvp At least it was better than fancy a f*** with my girlfriend and I... How the heck is anyone supposed to respond to that? Don't. Messages I've received include: "Hi, let me get you pregnant." "Hi, here is my address, come to my house and let's have Netflix and chill." "Hi, long epistle....while I am impotent I know how to please women in other ways." "Hi, I would love to be your sugar daddy, are you interested?" "Hi, do you mind telling me if my penis is small?" These are real messages. What do you do? You ignore it. Unless of course you're interested. I have deactivated all my dating accounts. I can't be bothered. For every 1 okay message are 10 lame ones and then 7 ridiculous and just wtf ones. 2
PrettyEmily77 Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 Latest example Hi , and please forgive my forwardness. We were curious if you would consider and evening of food , drink and 3some fun with my girlfriend and I , we are professional people so absolute privacy and discretion are assured. her profile is highheels40 . thank you and rsvp At least it was better than fancy a f*** with my girlfriend and I... How the heck is anyone supposed to respond to that? Dear X & Y, Thank you both for your interest. Your forwardness is forgiven: I have received at 76 messages of this type in the last hour alone. Having given it careful thought and consideration, I sorry to say I will not be accepting this offer on the basis that I don't have food in the evening which, according to your message, seems to be a requirement for you. I now have found a couple I am fully compatible with on that point. You had tough competition on this occasion but no doubt the perfect random 3some companion is waiting for you on this very website. PS: you might want to remove your GF's username for the sake of absolute privacy and discretion. 3
Author Toodaloo Posted January 15, 2016 Author Posted January 15, 2016 Don't. Messages I've received include: "Hi, let me get you pregnant." "Hi, here is my address, come to my house and let's have Netflix and chill." "Hi, long epistle....while I am impotent I know how to please women in other ways." "Hi, I would love to be your sugar daddy, are you interested?" "Hi, do you mind telling me if my penis is small?" These are real messages. What do you do? You ignore it. Unless of course you're interested. I have deactivated all my dating accounts. I can't be bothered. For every 1 okay message are 10 lame ones and then 7 ridiculous and just wtf ones. The worst bit is... I have had those too! The wording may have been slightly different but exactly the same! I have come to the conclusion its time for me to take a break and just do my thing for a bit. Profile is down.
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