mart76 Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 I met this girl in 2003 and fell hard for her. She was everything that a woman should be: Pretty, intelligent, clever, kind, considerate. My friends thought that at 19, this girl was too young for me. I was 27 at the time and I am 29 now. We dated long distance from Summer 2003 to February 2005 when she moved back to her mother's house which is 15 minutes from me. In February, we began dating and our realtionship quickly became serious. She's been hinting that she wants to marry me. I told her that I wasn't interested in marriage, which isn't true. I wanted to suprise her when I did propose, which I am planning to do in two weeks. I wanted to see if she would stray, so I stopped calling her, having sex with her or seeing her except once every two or three weeks. She never complained about the lack of time I spent with her, and left daily support messages on my cell that said more or less the following: "Hello sweetie. I hope that you had a great day today. Don't work too hard tomorrow. Take it easy. I love you." Needless to say, my girl never strayed. She has eyes for no one but I , is very bookish, doesn't go out a lot and prefers to stay close to home with her family. My friend says that putting my girl to the test was unecessary. Do you agree? Also, my girl hates the idea of an engagement ring with a passion. She considers them "objects that my friends use to show off how much money their fiances spend on them." Since she doesn't want a ring, what should I use to propose? She is an avid reader so I was thinking about buying a fake book and writing on the inside "Will you marry me" and then getting down on bended knee to formally ask her. Do you think that this is a good idea? Thanks
Jennifer'sSecret Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 If you're playing games this far into a relationship and right before popping the question, you are NOT ready for marriage.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 She considers them "objects that my friends use to show off how much money their fiances spend on them." Uh.. yeah. Lots of women say this, but I don't hear any complaining when they get one - at the very least, they'll want a trade in on something 'more their style' to wear. Buy her a ring - find one that she would like to proudly wear, something that you pick out specifically for her to match her tastes. Even if it is a simple band that matches here aesthetic/style/preferences - as a token of your commitment to her. You can't treat her the way you did, and then write "marry me" on a scrap of paper in a book and expect her to be thrilled with just that. She's already settled for the scraps you gave her when you tried to trick her. No need to build your proposal on a scrap as well. I actually had a friend who did the 'fake book' thing, and had a g/f who, very much like yours - didn't like the big flashy rings and stuff. He took a big, fat, blank book, and wrote stuff to her on the first few pages and included illustrations (he was an artist and illustrator) - it was set up like a graphic novel. The last page was the words... "Will you marry me". When you turn the page: The rest of the pages he had glued together, let dry and carved a hollow square in which to put a ring box. He included a plain ring that was carved with an ivy leaf pattern that she had seen on a trip with him somewhere. That was perfect for those two. Maybe you could find something unique like that for your girl?
aviva_dawn Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 Mart76: This girl sounds like my twin! I believe the part about her not wanting a ring....I'm the same way and if my BF ever proposed to me and gave me a ring, I'd ask him if I could pawn it and give the proceeds to a charity. (If he absolutely insisted , I'd keep it, but getting me to wear it would be another ballgame. I don't like jewelry and diamonds in particular are vulgar to me. So, I guess that I am different from others in this respect.) To be honest, if my BF pulled the same stunt on me that you did on your GF, I would cut him loose so fast that his head would spin. If you had no reason to suspect that your GF was unfaithful in any way, I don't see a valid reason for testing her. It's rude and inconsiderate. My heart goes out to this girl for the way that you've treated her. If she is as nice and kind and sweet as you describe, you don't deserve her.
SoleMate Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 I told her that I wasn't interested in marriage, which isn't true...I wanted to see if she would stray, so I stopped calling her, having sex with her or seeing her except once every two or three weeks. She never complained about the lack of time I spent with her, and left daily support messages on my cell...my girl never strayed...My friend says that putting my girl to the test was unnecessary. Do you agree? Not only unnecessary, but cruel, dishonest and manipulative. You are not ready to marry if this is the best way you can think of to be certain of your intended's love for you. You know, I don't think it often occurs to a truly faithful and honest person to doubt their partner's fidelity. She was everything that a woman should be: Pretty, intelligent, clever, kind, considerate. Why don't you work hard to try to live up to the standard she has set? Especially the "kind and considerate" part. I suspect that if this naive, loving girl pulled the same kind of stunt on you that you did on her, you'd dump her immediately and consider yourself fully justified.
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