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Men and caving early on in a relationship?

Gaeta

By Gaeta
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ASG Established Member

ASG

Posted
Posted
Does this not sound a little fishy to you? Remember we predicted he'd return with some outlandish excuse?

 

I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Sure, it is a bit of an OTT excuse, but sometimes **** happens.

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katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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Gaeta, what did you say in response?

 

Me? Assuming I wanted to continue the relationship, which I am not 100% sure I would...I would have said:

 

"Next time, just tell me you need some space...and trust me I will understand."

 

The excuse he gave sounds like a bunch of BS...but it appears he *did* need some space, but now he's left with explaining his short disappearance without potentially offending you or hurting your feelings.

 

Tell him you are OK with taking space! As long as he tells you prior!

 

How you feeling about all this now?

 

Remember -- the road to true love never did run smooth.

Edited by katiegrl
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BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

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Well, I'm really glad he came back Gaeta. The story seems a bit fishy but time will tell.. I would say have a talk with him and tell him like Katie said, to let you know if he needs space not pull one of these. A second one would not fly.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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OMFG !!!! PARDON MY FRENCH

 

He just called !!!

 

HIS PHONE DIED LAST TUESDAY

 

He lost his contact list, he couldn't remember my last name. He went around to buy a phone but didn't want to spend a fortune on a new phone or get locked in a long contract. Anyway a company lend him a phone today, they switched the chip. He could not retrieve his contact list but my text from Thursday came through so he got my number that way.

 

He said several times he thought of driving by but was not sure, but had decided if it was not solved by this weekend he was coming over today and would have waited at my door.

 

GGGRRR !!!

 

 

HAH.

 

Bullsh*t.

 

It's disgusting when men do this! They clearly LIE, expect you to believe it, and basicallydissappear due to just not being that into you and then when they are bored or miss prettier girl fell through, they make up some crap so they can have some sex and companionship!

 

Oh please.

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Posted

 

Remember -- the road to true love never did run smooth.

 

 

Very true.

 

I was still involved with a stupid player when I met my current. He doesn't know. I took a week and a half to severe all ties with mr player and focus on my bf.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
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IDK, all my phone stuff is on the Verizon server so I just download it if/when getting a new phone or having a problem. Easy peasy. Done it a few times. So weird that these gainfully employed, highly educated people have all these issues. Heh.

 

Anyway, I guess it beats someone who's consistent. That's kind of boring. Have fun!

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MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

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Fishy. As Carhill said, you can access your account and find a record of every call and text.

 

Odd that he pops up when you've updated your profile too.

 

Gaeta, didn't you have another guy who used the lame phone excuse a while back?

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I told him after our last conversation concerning his job and worries I had assumed he was not getting back to me because he needed to concentrate on his problems. He said yes he felt like that for a couple of days but it's not why he was not getting back to me.

 

I can tell he's calling with a new phone, actually it's a refurbish phone, cause the sound is really bad. It sounded a bit complicated because he was using one of those phone from Europe you unlock.

 

I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. He seemed in distress enough. It's his daughter's 16th birthday today and lost her number as well.

 

I have mixed feelings. I'm frustrated mostly. Of course if it had been me I would have done A B C to reach him but I'm being flexible, he's new here and I was not the only he had to worry about.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
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Gotta say though... the fact he couldn't remember my last name would really bother me ....:eek:

 

I mean like wha?

 

How long have you been dating me? F*ckng me? Sleeping in my bed?

 

The whole excuse sounds hokey...but not remembering my last name would really really bug me.

 

Just me...

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Gotta say though... the fact he couldn't remember my last name would really bother me ....:eek:

 

I mean like wha?

 

How long have you been dating me? F*ckng me? Sleeping in my bed?

 

The whole excuse sounds hokey...but not remembering my last name would really really bug me.

 

Just me...

 

I cannot remember how he spells his last name unless I look on my phone. He's from Europe, my name sounds unusual to him, his name sounds unusual to me.

MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

Posted
Posted
I cannot remember how he spells his last name unless I look on my phone. He's from Europe, my name sounds unusual to him, his name sounds unusual to me.

 

But if you're having sex with someone, wouldn't you make the effort to learn it?

 

Call me old, but jeez. I went to grade school with a kid whose last name was Schnoettgoecke. I can still spell it, and I never had much in the way of personal interaction with him.

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katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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I cannot remember how he spells his last name unless I look on my phone. He's from Europe, my name sounds unusual to him, his name sounds unusual to me.

 

Fair enough.....if you're happy.... I'm happy!

 

And wish y'all good luck! :)

 

P.S. - Probably wouldn't hurt to discuss the *caving* space issue at some point though.

 

Let him know how you've been feeling. Open, honest communication is always best.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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But if you're having sex with someone, wouldn't you make the effort to learn it?

 

Call me old, but jeez. I went to grade school with a kid whose last name was Schnoettgoecke. I can still spell it, and I never had much in the way of personal interaction with him.

 

Maybe that's a woman thing, I dated someone up to one year and he could still not spell all of my name properly. Geez I have colleagues who still can't spell it right after 12 years.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Gaeta, didn't you have another guy who used the lame phone excuse a while back?

 

Yes I broke up with someone after 3 months for not getting in touch with me for 4 days and he had told me his phone died.

 

I always regretted doing it. It was impulsive and immature.

 

Actually him and I remained friends and we still take news once in a while. He taught me something. He told me he didn't feel secure in our relationship because he felt I had one foot outside the door always ready to blow everything up at the first mistake he'd make, and that's exactly what I did.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Fair enough.....if you're happy.... I'm happy!

 

And wish y'all good luck! :)

 

P.S. - Probably wouldn't hurt to discuss the *caving* space issue at some point though.

 

Let him know how you've been feeling. Open, honest communication is always best.

 

Not feeling happiness yet. I still feel frustrated till I see him and we talk this out. I need to see how he looks at me and his eye contact etc. Which should not take long, he'll be here in 30 minutes.

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getsmartie Established Member

getsmartie

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Meh, this excuse sounds really lame. It's very easy to access phone records and get your number. I would proceed with extreme caution....

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katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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OMFG !!!! PARDON MY FRENCH

 

He just called !!!

 

HIS PHONE DIED LAST TUESDAY

 

He lost his contact list, he couldn't remember my last name. He went around to buy a phone but didn't want to spend a fortune on a new phone or get locked in a long contract.

 

 

 

***Anyway a company lend him a phone today, they switched the chip. He could not retrieve his contact list but my text from Thursday came through so he got my number that way. ***

 

 

 

He said several times he thought of driving by but was not sure, but had decided if it was not solved by this weekend he was coming over today and would have waited at my door.

 

GGGRRR !!!

 

Quote in asterisk above (can't bold) -- ask him to clarify this cause that in particular sounds especially hokey.

 

"A" company gave him a phone and swiched chips ... and miraculously your Thursday msg came though?

 

Did you even leave a message on Thursday? Wasn't your last msg Tuesday?

 

Okay, I'll shut up....you know what to do.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
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Quote in asterisk above (can't bold) -- ask him to clarify this cause that in particular sounds especially hokey.

 

"A" company gave him a phone and swiched chips ... and miraculously your Thursday msg came though?

 

Did you even leave a message on Thursday? Wasn't your last msg Tuesday?

 

Okay, I'll shut up....you know what to do.

 

I left a voice mail on Tuesday and a text on Thursday.

 

I know it's confusing to me too and the phone he was calling me from was very bad I kept asking him to repeat. I'll know more tonight.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Meh, this excuse sounds really lame. It's very easy to access phone records and get your number. I would proceed with extreme caution....

 

I imagine he gets his phone bills (if he's not on calling cards) in his email or somewhere online. He doesn't have Internet home. He's new to this country. He doesn't know his neighbors or people close by to go to.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
I left a voice mail on Tuesday and a text on Thursday.

 

I know it's confusing to me too and the phone he was calling me from was very bad I kept asking him to repeat. I'll know more tonight.

 

Okay my bad...did not know you left him a message on Thursday.

 

Man, this is becoming a real nail-biter, isn't it. :confused:

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Okay my bad...did not know you left him a message on Thursday.

 

Man, this is becoming a real nail-biter, isn't it. :confused:

 

It is!

 

I see as positive that he did not just call but he is wishing to come here, which is a good drive, to explain further and to be with me.

 

I know this 'phone' excuse is always seen as fishy. I don't want to defend him at this time because I don't know enough and I am just speculating.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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And to make matters more complicated right before he called I set up a date with someone new !!

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
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I imagine he gets his phone bills (if he's not on calling cards) in his email or somewhere online. He doesn't have Internet home. He's new to this country. He doesn't know his neighbors or people close by to go to.

 

Gaeta I know you'll figure this out and do what's right for you, but what is troubling is why didn't he just swing by your house when he first discovered he lost his phone? Very simple!

 

I mean was he not at all concerned at how upset you would be when not hearing from him in six days?

 

This is a man who called you every single night!

 

Any man who cared would be moving mountains to get in touch....out of concern for your feelings .... and knowing how upset you would be.

 

**If he needed space, that is fine and probably what happened.**

 

Just be truthful about it...this excuse he gave is just very troubling and frankly makes no sense whatsoever.

Edited by katiegrl
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xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
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He said several times he thought of driving by but was not sure, but had decided if it was not solved by this weekend he was coming over today and would have waited at my door.

 

He wasn't sure of what??

 

Drive by and leave a note. Seems simple and obvious to me.

 

You get what you tolerate.

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Zapbasket Established Member

Zapbasket

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I'm not buying it.

 

Of course for your sake, Gaeta, I want him to be telling the truth, but I think most people, once they realized they couldn't remember your last name, would have stopped by where you live to let you know what happened. That would have been an apt time to have communicated that he needed space and he'd call you as soon as he got a new phone.

 

It just feels...fishy.

 

Now there's another possibility, that's influencing this gut feeling that something with him is fishy. Gaeta, I say this with no intent to criticize and I hope you take this as merely inquisitive in spirit, which is as it is intended. Whether or not he is telling the truth, look at the amount of anxiety his silence generated for you. And just a couple of weeks ago you were anxious about your relationship status and how to broach the subject with him. I know you know that being in such a high state of anxiety where a relationship is concerned is not a good place to be. You already, in one month with this guy, have experienced the highest highs and lowest lows, with the lows only mitigated by the highs. Wouldn't it be so much nicer to enter a relationship where you feel at peace, excited about the future more than fearful of it?

 

This swing of emotion could be a red flag about your guy, but it also could be a demonstration of your [totally understandable] anxiety about romantic relationships in general. You have mentioned that you are fearful of being let down as you have been let down so many times in the past. Again, totally understandable (and I can very much relate), but perhaps it gets in your way sometimes. A healthy relationship with two healthy, compatible partners, I am told, should be relaxing, light, fun--especially in the beginning. Compare that with the level of drama that has surrounded this relationship within the space only of one month. Again, I am not at all judging you, merely asking (because I honestly don't know, only you know): is all this anxiety solely about things specific to his behaviors, or more from your own mind?

 

I'm hesitating pressing "submit" because I fear you might be offended by what I have said. Your emotions are high where this relationship is concerned, and understandably so. I hope everything turns out for the best for you.

Edited by GreenCove
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While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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