loverage21 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 (edited) There is this girl I can't seem to shake off my mind. In fact I still very much miss her. Approximately 4 months ago, me and this girl met up and we lost our virginities to each other. She was 16, I was 20 at the time. Prior to that we met online. Both of us had similarities in the fact we both struggled socially and had self esteem problems. She had some jaw condition which was surgically fixed, and she was extremely beautiful as ever after the surgery. But before that it tore down her self esteem and she resorted to self abuse. Despite having the surgery and her braces off, she could not see her beauty. I kept telling her how pretty she was. Skipping ahead... We agreed to meet up almost a month later. I drove 8 hours away to meet her. Got a hotel room. We met first at the mall, talked, walked around. Then we both went to go get Italian ice. I bought hers. We sat on the bench and talked about personal stuff and I started to reach my arm around her go comfort her. We went back to the hotel and I gave her a gift. I got her a stuffed collie because she loved dogs so much, specifically collies. She adored it and we immediately started going at it. The sex was not all that great (both of us virgins) but I felt satisfied. What I enjoyed more than the sex was the time I spent with her the next day at the amusement park. I couldnt keep myself from not kissing her. Every time I turned around I kissed her on the head. I fell for her right then and there. Something was just really special about her and something just clicked. Well I started having mental health issues again and she barred complete contact with me. Even going as far as changing her number. I miss her to death. And everyday I hope that one day she will talk to me again. But how can a girl go from losing her virginity to a guy to not talking to him at all? Edited October 30, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
clia Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 What do you mean you "started having mental health issues again and she barred complete contact with me"? What did you do? It's really not abnormal to move on and not talk to the person you lost your virginity to. It sounds like you barely knew each other and only met in person that one time? It's highly likely she just decided to date someone who lives closer to her.
Author loverage21 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 What do you mean you "started having mental health issues again and she barred complete contact with me"? What did you do? It's really not abnormal to move on and not talk to the person you lost your virginity to. It sounds like you barely knew each other and only met in person that one time? It's highly likely she just decided to date someone who lives closer to her. But have I not made a strong, unforgettable impression on her by taking her virginity? Do you think I am in her thoughts at all?
Quiet Storm Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 What kind of mental issues were you having? It's likely that you did have an impact on her, but you should just accept that it's not meant to be and move on. If I found out my 16 YO met up with a 20 year old guy she met on the internet, who paid for a hotel room and had sex with her, and he also has mental health issues...there's no way in hell she'd be allowed to explore the relationship further. What she did- meeting up with an older stranger for sex at age 16- was reckless. Combined with her history of self harm, it's apparent that she needs serious help (telling someone how pretty they are won't cure these problems). She's making self destructive choices. Hopefully, her parents are involved and monitoring her behavior. You should focus on getting yourself healthy. You two shared a milestone in your lives and will always have those memories. Leave it at that. 3
Author loverage21 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 What kind of mental issues were you having? It's likely that you did have an impact on her, but you should just accept that it's not meant to be and move on. If I found out my 16 YO met up with a 20 year old guy she met on the internet, who paid for a hotel room and had sex with her, and he also has mental health issues...there's no way in hell she'd be allowed to explore the relationship further. What she did- meeting up with an older stranger for sex at age 16- was reckless. Combined with her history of self harm, it's apparent that she needs serious help (telling someone how pretty they are won't cure these problems). She's making self destructive choices. Hopefully, her parents are involved and monitoring her behavior. You should focus on getting yourself healthy. You two shared a milestone in your lives and will always have those memories. Leave it at that. She herself made it clear she did not want anything to do with me and for me to move on... But do you think she will always have a bad memory of me?
loveflower Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 I don't understand........why would anybody lose their first with someone they don't even really like?
Author loverage21 Posted October 23, 2015 Author Posted October 23, 2015 I don't understand........why would anybody lose their first with someone they don't even really like? I think she liked me at the time. She said something on the lines of that. Plus, the day after she went to the theme park with me. I f***** things up and she cut contact with me in every single way imaginable. Including changing her cell number. The only way I was able to contact her was to somehow look up her dad, find what his name is, lookup the address including the people that lived there to verify I had the correct one, and I sent her a letter via mail. But who knows if that was the correct address or not.
boltam Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 I don't understand........why would anybody lose their first with someone they don't even really like? People break up with people they love all the time because sometimes there are problems that are bigger than the feelings they have for each other. For example a woman might love a guy but he beats the crap out of her on a daily basis or a guy loves a woman but she's a drug addict and stays out all night smoking crack and screwing her fellow addicts, or a guy has "mental health issues" that make him difficult or impossible to be with. That sort of thing. 2
lana-banana Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 I don't understand........why would anybody lose their first with someone they don't even really like? Because sometimes it's the right choice. I was raised in a very conservative family and grew up believing sex before marriage was wrong. But once I got to college and began exploring my ideas, I realized I didn't wholly agree with my parents and I wanted to decide for myself. I started dating a guy who I liked a good deal, but we both kinda knew there wasn't any long-term future there. When we had sex (my first time, not his) it was awkward and painful and I was so glad it was finally over. Let's face it: the first few times---hell, maybe even the first few years---of sex for a woman aren't always a lot of fun. Over time I learned what I liked and didn't like, how to do certain things, how to communicate in the bedroom, etc. By the time we broke up I was far more confident sexually and wasn't crushed to be going my own way. And when I did meet a guy who gave me butterflies in my stomach, I felt ready to enjoy a truly special experience with him. Everyone has to decide what's best for them. Personally I'm very glad my first time wasn't with a guy I was crazy about. We trusted and respected each other, which is what mattered most to me. 2
preraph Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 Look, she realized she made a mistake sleeping with you. I can't tell you if it's because she realized it was too soon because she's way underage or if it's because she later realized you had some mental issues she can't understand and doesn't want to deal with, but anyway, she IS too young and she had let you know in no uncertain terms that she doesn't want to interact with you anymore. Her being underage, I'd think you'd be very foolish to in any way ever try to contact her again or you could find yourself in some deep doo-doo with parents and authorities. Just leave it behind and move on with your life and stay away from girls too young for you. 4
basil67 Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 But have I not made a strong, unforgettable impression on her by taking her virginity? Do you think I am in her thoughts at all? It's more likely that the things you did which caused her to block you made a much bigger impression than the sex did. You were a virtual stranger who she had sex with. She probably highly regrets her risky choice and wants to forget about the whole thing. For what it's worth, I think first love is far more memorable than first sex. 1
loveflower Posted October 23, 2015 Posted October 23, 2015 I think she liked me at the time. She said something on the lines of that. Plus, the day after she went to the theme park with me. I f***** things up and she cut contact with me in every single way imaginable. Including changing her cell number. The only way I was able to contact her was to somehow look up her dad, find what his name is, lookup the address including the people that lived there to verify I had the correct one, and I sent her a letter via mail. But who knows if that was the correct address or not. STOP! She really doesn't like you if she go that far. Leave her alone is the best you can do. Don't blame yourself. you are who you are. you can't change yourself for anybody else. Things happen for a reason. The best you can do for yourself is stop blaming yourself. Just let it be and let it go. I somehow understand you, because I used to blame myself for this and that failures. but at the end of the day I realize I am who I am, call it luck or fate. Peace. 3
newmoon Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 why do men put so much emphasis on the fact that a girl loses their virginity to them? you can still be forgotten, kicked to the curb, or never spoken to again. it's not some amazing event that we all hold dear for life when you're our first. some girls, i'm sure, pine for that first guy, but some could care less. it's not *that* special. she moved on. do the same. 3
Author loverage21 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 why do men put so much emphasis on the fact that a girl loses their virginity to them? you can still be forgotten, kicked to the curb, or never spoken to again. it's not some amazing event that we all hold dear for life when you're our first. some girls, i'm sure, pine for that first guy, but some could care less. it's not *that* special. she moved on. do the same. It would of been different if I would of saw it as a hookup, but I even expressed how much I have feelings for her. She even told me I treated her better than any other guy. It is ironic when she said she never cared for another guy like she did me, and then she avoids me like the plague. I know she was 16 (she is now 17) and all, but still...
Author loverage21 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 Look, she realized she made a mistake sleeping with you. I can't tell you if it's because she realized it was too soon because she's way underage or if it's because she later realized you had some mental issues she can't understand and doesn't want to deal with, but anyway, she IS too young and she had let you know in no uncertain terms that she doesn't want to interact with you anymore. Her being underage, I'd think you'd be very foolish to in any way ever try to contact her again or you could find yourself in some deep doo-doo with parents and authorities. Just leave it behind and move on with your life and stay away from girls too young for you. She is 17 now. She is slightly under 4 years younger than I am, so the age difference is not that much. Plus, age of consent there is age 16.
basil67 Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 It is ironic when she said she never cared for another guy like she did me, and then she avoids me like the plague. No, that's not irony. Something you did scared her and she blocked you. What *exactly* did you do to cause her to block you?
Author loverage21 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 No, that's not irony. Something you did scared her and she blocked you. What *exactly* did you do to cause her to block you? It started with me being hot and cold because I couldnt accept just being friends. Then I started doubting her if she was really a virgin or not. I shaved the hair off my cat Cinnamon because he had severe dermatitis from fleas. That freaked her out and I guess she thought I was "cruel". Then I road raged this guy out of impulse and texted her saying I may go to jail. That freaked her out too I guess. And she knew I was already suicidal.
newmoon Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 did anything embarrassing happen? maybe she's suffering from that in some way?
sandylee1 Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 It started with me being hot and cold because I couldnt accept just being friends. Then I started doubting her if she was really a virgin or not. I shaved the hair off my cat Cinnamon because he had severe dermatitis from fleas. That freaked her out and I guess she thought I was "cruel". Then I road raged this guy out of impulse and texted her saying I may go to jail. That freaked her out too I guess. And she knew I was already suicidal. ^^^^^ This is enough to make her RUN RUN RUN. Why would a 16/17 year old want to deal with all this. You should have known better than to take a 16 year old to a hotel or motel age of consent or not. I say that as a mother of a 16 year old daughter as well. You freaked her out. You showed potential violence through the road rage and all the rest......she probably wants to forget the whole experience. Believe me, I've had some experiences that I've pretty much blocked out. Just because she lost it to you....doesn't trump her staying with you as a kid and dealing with your issues. I think she'll wait for her next experience with someone she knows better and try and see that as her first experience. 1
Author loverage21 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 ^^^^^ This is enough to make her RUN RUN RUN. Why would a 16/17 year old want to deal with all this. You should have known better than to take a 16 year old to a hotel or motel age of consent or not. I say that as a mother of a 16 year old daughter as well. You freaked her out. You showed potential violence through the road rage and all the rest......she probably wants to forget the whole experience. Believe me, I've had some experiences that I've pretty much blocked out. Just because she lost it to you....doesn't trump her staying with you as a kid and dealing with your issues. I think she'll wait for her next experience with someone she knows better and try and see that as her first experience. I miss her with all my heart. I know I am messed up and zi acknowledge that. But I care for her deeply. And I just want another chance
Author loverage21 Posted October 24, 2015 Author Posted October 24, 2015 ^^^^^ This is enough to make her RUN RUN RUN. Why would a 16/17 year old want to deal with all this. You should have known better than to take a 16 year old to a hotel or motel age of consent or not. I say that as a mother of a 16 year old daughter as well. You freaked her out. You showed potential violence through the road rage and all the rest......she probably wants to forget the whole experience. Believe me, I've had some experiences that I've pretty much blocked out. Just because she lost it to you....doesn't trump her staying with you as a kid and dealing with your issues. I think she'll wait for her next experience with someone she knows better and try and see that as her first experience. And I guess it is too late at my age to be considered a girl's first anything
E-Squared Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Do you think that there might be a chance that she'll snitch on you and pin statutory charges on you? I am not saying anything against you, but I would watch out, man.
Qboro90 Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Don't ever look up a girls father or parents again, stalk out their contact info and then mail them a letter. I'm surprised her dad hasn't come looking for you by now or involved authorities. If a girl has to change her number to get away from you then you are doing things that aren't normal. Just because people say things to you doesn't mean they're always true and heartfelt or that they'll last forever. Welcome to the world man. This story sounds so bizarre I almost feel it's fake. If someone told you they met a teenager online, naught a hotel room, drove 8 hours, had sex/ Took her virginity, then stalked her to the point she had to change her number, then internet searched her dad in order to mail physical evidence of your obsessive behavior .... Would you think that's healthy? Safe?
sandylee1 Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 I miss her with all my heart. I know I am messed up and zi acknowledge that. But I care for her deeply. And I just want another chance None of us are entitled to a second chance....if you get one, you're lucky , but don't expect it. I repeat......She's too young to deal with your problems. She doesn't need that in her life at all. She did a foolish thing meeting up with you. Hopefully, this is a lesson for her. Find someone else - she's not the only girl in the world.....and even if she was......You've burnt your bridges there...............let it go.
boltam Posted October 24, 2015 Posted October 24, 2015 Do you think that there might be a chance that she'll snitch on you and pin statutory charges on you? I am not saying anything against you, but I would watch out, man. What's the point of watching out? As if that's going to make a difference whether he gets charged with something or not.
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