Bri101 Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 So, about a week ago I posted about my breakup. Didn't get into detail about the relationship, other than my ex of almost 4yrs left me out of blue for someone else. I have read so many posts of other people's breakups and the advice given and how so many people are going through the same thing,but for some reason, after 6 months have gone by i have not even progressed one bit. my ex is currently in a happy committed relationship with someone else but to this day I still check my phone all day long thinking I'll hear from him. I'll block him but then unblock thinking what if. OMG what is wrong with me right? I haven't watched tv and won't listen to music in the car. I constantly think about him and still cry every night. I have no desire to go out or keep myself busy and when I do try to keep busy, I'll always stop and cry. I recently been put on a antidepressant and my friends and family cannot believe I am still feeling this way about someone who is long gone, telling me I am wasting my life. Saying the relationship wasn't good, we weren't meant to be so on and so forth. Well... It's not like I want to feel this way. I would give anything to forget him! So am I feeling sorry for myself? Can't handle rejection? In denial? I just can't figure out what is wrong with me.
leah0077 Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 (edited) I feel for you...I really do. Everyone gets over things at a different pace, so I wouldn't beat yourself up over not being over him by now. I know it sucks, but I think you should give up on him completely. I don't know how he broke things off, but it sounds like he rushed into things with someone else without giving you the closure that you needed. That makes me think that he's either selfish, cold, or immature. If I break it off with someone, I make sure that I give them a chance to say what they have to say/get closure. You miss him a lot, but I think you're also angry because it feels like he betrayed you; he dove right into a new relationship.That sort of thing crushes people. If I were you, I would look into therapy. It may help to talk about your constant thoughts about him, your sadness, and possibly your anger. People say that anger turned inward becomes depression. Maybe part of your feelings have to do with the anger of him sort of disappearing on you. Idk...I could be wrong about that. How did he break things off? I would also get a piece of paper out, and write all of your feelings about him down. Say everything you want to say. I would do this whenever you feel that you need to. You may even want to read this stuff out loud to a therapist. It's very "self-helpy", but it helped me get over someone. What's strange is that the more I read these thoughts out loud to my therapist, the more I realized that he wasn't really all that great of a guy. About 4 sessions into therapy, I actually laughed while reading one of my rants out loud...I just got to the point where I was like, "Are you seriously still thinking about this idiot?'' You have him on a pedestal that he doesn't deserve. Maybe you need to focus on yourself and meet some new friends. I took up martial arts after my breakup. I think it's good to do things that are good for both your mind/spirit when you're in a state of suffering. The guy who I had been fixated on ended up calling me after about a year saying he wanted me back. I was so nervous I could barely eat. We ended up meeting at this seedy bar that he picked. The more he talked, the more I realized how full of crap he was. I also realized that he was not as interesting as I had thought. I actually kind of felt sorry for him because I knew that he really didn't have much going for him. I couldn't believe that the same guy who I had obsessed over for 6 months was the same guy sitting in front of me. I kind of laughed inside at knowing that I would never pine after him again. I also felt somewhat sad that I had wasted about 6 months of my life wondering if he would come back. I wished that I hadn't cyberstalker him in those months. I wish that I had blocked him out of my life completely. A lot of obsessions have more to do with our own issues than the other person. It's easy to understand that consciously, but when you're "in it", it's hard to see that. If you're not into therapy, maybe some books about obsessing over an ex may help. I know you're not a stalker, but right now you're fixating on someone who has moved on. You know it's not healthy. Love should add to your life, not take away from it. You don't have to start dating yet, but maybe some platonic relationships with men who are fun to be around will get you out of your shell. I never thought I would forget my ex, but now I hardly ever think about him. Seriously, the last time I thought about him was about a year ago, and it was only because someone looked like him. It wouldn't phase me one bit if he had a girlfriend now. You'll get over it. It may take some time, but you will. I hope this advice helps. Edited January 13, 2016 by leah0077 1
Author Bri101 Posted January 13, 2016 Author Posted January 13, 2016 Thank you so much leah0077 for taking the time to give me your advice. I really appreciate everything you said as it is so true. You are right, I didn't get any closure and feel betrayed. No signs of him wanting to breakup and how one day he up and left for someone else. therapy is a good idea, definitely thinking that is my last step.
RandomTraveller Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 So, about a week ago I posted about my breakup. Didn't get into detail about the relationship, other than my ex of almost 4yrs left me out of blue for someone else. I have read so many posts of other people's breakups and the advice given and how so many people are going through the same thing,but for some reason, after 6 months have gone by i have not even progressed one bit. my ex is currently in a happy committed relationship with someone else but to this day I still check my phone all day long thinking I'll hear from him. I'll block him but then unblock thinking what if. OMG what is wrong with me right? I haven't watched tv and won't listen to music in the car. I constantly think about him and still cry every night. I have no desire to go out or keep myself busy and when I do try to keep busy, I'll always stop and cry. I recently been put on a antidepressant and my friends and family cannot believe I am still feeling this way about someone who is long gone, telling me I am wasting my life. Saying the relationship wasn't good, we weren't meant to be so on and so forth. Well... It's not like I want to feel this way. I would give anything to forget him! So am I feeling sorry for myself? Can't handle rejection? In denial? I just can't figure out what is wrong with me. I'm sorry if what I'm about to say will offend you but have you consider to see a psychologist/therapist? Look I don't want to hijack your topic but I'm still in the first month after my ex left me and I'm still destroyed. Every moment (second or minute) that I spend happy is already a huge win for me. Cause I have obsessive thoughts about her all day long.. Btw I'm under antidepressants too. I started take these meds when I started my relationship with her (look... what a coincidence...) and just this month I started seeing my psychologist again after 1 year I stopped seeing him. Sure it's one hour every week that I spend with my psychologist but for sure he's helping me a lot... more than the people who love me in real life (they have good intention but they have not always the right ways to cheer you up!) 1
Author Bri101 Posted January 13, 2016 Author Posted January 13, 2016 Thank you and yes I have considered seeing a therapist. I live in a small town so I haven't heard good things about the therapists around here. I am sorry to hear about your heartbreak too,as I know it's a very painful. as they say, time heals and I hope for both of us that time gets here fast!
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