That_girl Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 My boyfriend and I have been on and off for about 3 years and lately things have gotten alot more serious (he says "I Love You" etc) but the problem is that when we argue, we're at each other's throats screaming and crying. Usually we fight for little things like him flirting with my friend, or me suspecting him of something like stealing from me or using me. He's never hit me in all the time I've known him and he's never been violent, except lately he get's REALLY angry--like to the point of screaming to the top of his lungs and grabbing me by the arms when I try to move away from him. It's getting pretty scary because I'm only 19 and I've never been in an abusive realtionship so I don't what signs to watch out for. Last night I got angry at him for making a flirty comment to my friend (he claimed to be joking around when he told her not to walk into a sprinkler because she was wearing white and her clothes would be see-through) I found this to be a flirty comment even though he insisted that he didn't even know that was flirting. He's made comments like this in the past and promised he would stop, so this time around I was really pissed and called him on his bull****. Anyway after yelling back and forth he tells me that there are more bad than good things that i'm bringing to this relationship, so I basically walked away and told him not to call me anymore if that's the way he feels. After I got up to walk away he grabbed my arms very firmly (enough to leave a few small bruises on my arms) and I freaked out because he's grabbed me like many times, but this time it was alot more forceful. He basically told me that I "can't" leave him and he didn't mean what he said about me being more bad than good to him. I know that I'm all he has right now but if his anger keeps escalating to the point where he grabs me in a violent way then I know that I have to get out of this. My question is will he take this grabbing a step furthur later on and if this is one of the signs of more violent abuse, should I leave him right now?
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 It sounds like you are horrible for each other in this relationship - and I've seen plenty of reasons in your post why you two should be apart, and not a single reason for you to stay together.
Craig Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 It looks like you both have issues to work on. What your bf did by grabbing your arm is not a good sign and could be a glimpse of things to come. Abusive and violent relationships don't start that way usually, but over time the abuse and violence escalate. If my SO grabbed my arm to prevent me from leaving then I would seriously consider leaving her for good. The shorter the relationship the easier and faster I would leave. Here are a couple of links to the same site that talk about the cycle of abuse/violence and what abuse is. http://www.edvp.org/AboutDV/whatisabuse.htm http://www.edvp.org/AboutDV/cycle.htm
steenerz Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 he is manipulative..."you CAN'T leave me??" uhhh...that's usually not good!
soccorsilly Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 I agree you two are not made for each other. You also need to grow a little too---if you are that jealous that innocuous comments. I am sure his sprinker comment was not to protect her, but I also would not say it was out and out flirting either. But that he grabbed you and the you can't leave ---no you MUST leave
crazy_grl Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 Originally posted by That_girl My question is will he take this grabbing a step furthur later on and if this is one of the signs of more violent abuse, should I leave him right now? I'm shocked that you're actually considering sticking around to see if he'll take his abuse farther. He's already left bruises. Do you really want to find out how big of a bruise he can leave? What if next time the result of his little outburst isn't to grab you but to push you down a flight of stairs? You already know that he's inclined to use violence toward you, do you really need to find out how far he's capable of taking it?
moimeme Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 You should be happy and peaceful together. You should trust each other. All this fighting and jealousy and garbage means you two are absolutely NOT meant to be a couple. Break it off immediately. And learn to look for better in a relationship than anger, fights, and all the rest of the junk you've been living with.
magda Posted June 6, 2005 Posted June 6, 2005 You can leave whenever you want. It will be difficult, but you can do it. Just put his squawking about what you can't do to deaf ears. If you don't give him any power over you he won't have any. All other things aside, in the 3rd line of your post you say you suspect him of stealing from you??? That right there should be a dealbreaker. Why would you try to sustain a relationship where you don't trust your partner enough not to steal from you? Your relationship is probably a horribly stressful influence on your life if you live that way - unable to trust and be considerate of eachothers feelings and talk about conflict in a way that doesn't result in near violence. The sooner you free yourself from this cycle, the better you will feel. 3 years until he started saying he loved you? Wow. Because you've spent so much time involved in this relationship you may feel that you cant do any better, but from the sound of it, worst case scenario (you stay single) you are still better off. Once you are out of such a stressful relationship, you'll be able to focus on growing into your full potential as a person. Where you are now is going downhill fast. The good times definately aren't worth sticking around.
Recommended Posts