Should I give up online dating?

[venusinlibra]

I'm very frustrated and it took me awhile to get to the point of being able to discuss this. I don't like the way I feel about myself when I'm dating online. Unofrtunately, it has been my predominant method of dating for the past six years or so. I'm a little traditional, and just don't approach men. I'm shy and don't have friends where I live, as I relocated a few times. I know of the online dating stigma where it is for "losers", although I've heard of people having great succcess with it. Here are some things that I've been thinking about.

 

Are the men on there more socially awkward and/or insecure than ones who are not on dating sites? It has happened numerous times where I'll have a first date, second date, etc., only to never hear from the guy again (or else he'll randomly pop up a year or so later, lol). I generally won't contact them afterwards- it's just not how I do things. Even in the rare cases I do, it doesn't work out anyway. All in all, I take the guys silence as a rejection. Granted, the men don't meet all of my criteria and don't turn me on a lot (for some reason, the guys I want don't seem to be interested in me), but they are the best of the existing group of guys I'm talking to. My brother never understood why I'd get so upset over not hearing back from the guys and I would exclaim, "It's like I'm being rejected by losers!".

 

Here is an intersting observation: During 2015, I got out a lot more and actually met more men offline than online. Some of the men I did meet at social events for the dating site; however, the men were not active users. One man even said he had never read or sent a message in his life despite being on the site for three years! Ironically, he's the one I can't get rid of. When I meet men in person, they seem to be a lot more in to me and pursue me, and want to see me beyond a few dates. They do things the way men did back in my college days, where they pursue you, hold open doors, behave like gentleman and don't think they are entitled to sex after buying you a hamburger at McDonald's. They will talk on the phone to me, not text endlessly. They start talking commitment to me.

 

There is a direct correlation between how active a man is on a dating site and how much he pursues me. And come to think of it, the men I meet online are not guys I would be captivated by had I met them in person first.

 

Everyone, including my counselors over the years, has told me that the online dating men are the problem, not me. I keep saying that I'm the common denominator so there's something wrong with me. I even asked my couselor last week if I remind her of a dude, or am too butch or unfeminine and she was astounded that I even asked that. My little brother has said I've never been the same since I started online dating. He even told me that I look too good to be online.

 

I'm really upset over the latest string of "rejections"- four in December. Each guy spent less and less time with me and each guy was more and more interesting to me. I feel so worthless. Why do I keep trying online dating? It's like I'm determined to meet "the one" on there.

 

Thanks for reading and sharing any insight.

Edited January 12, 2016 by venusinlibra

[soph-walker]

I'm very frustrated and it took me awhile to get to the point of being able to discuss this. I don't like the way I feel about myself when I'm dating online. Unofrtunately, it has been my predominant method of dating for the past six years or so. I'm a little traditional, and just don't approach men. I'm shy and don't have friends where I live, as I relocated a few times. I know of the online dating stigma where it is for "losers", although I've heard of people having great succcess with it. Here are some things that I've been thinking about.

 

Are the men on there more socially awkward and/or insecure than ones who are not on dating sites? It has happened numerous times where I'll have a first date, second date, etc., only to never hear from the guy again (or else he'll randomly pop up a year or so later, lol). I generally won't contact them afterwards- it's just not how I do things. Even in the rare cases I do, it doesn't work out anyway. All in all, I take the guys silence as a rejection. Granted, the men don't meet all of my criteria and don't turn me on a lot (for some reason, the guys I want don't seem to be interested in me), but they are the best of the existing group of guys I'm talking to. My brother never understood why I'd get so upset over not hearing back from the guys and I would exclaim, "It's like I'm being rejected by losers!".

 

Here is an intersting observation: During 2015, I got out a lot more and actually met more men offline than online. Some of the men I did meet at social events for the dating site; however, the men were not active users. One man even said he had never read or sent a message in his life despite being on the site for three years! Ironically, he's the one I can't get rid of. When I meet men in person, they seem to be a lot more in to me and pursue me, and want to see me beyond a few dates. They do things the way men did back in my college days, where they pursue you, hold open doors, behave like gentleman and don't think they are entitled to sex after buying you a hamburger at McDonald's. They will talk on the phone to me, not text endlessly. They start talking commitment to me.

 

There is a direct correlation between how active a man is on a dating site and how much he pursues me. And come to think of it, the men I meet online are not guys I would be captivated by had I met them in person first.

 

Everyone, including my counselors over the years, has told me that the online dating men are the problem, not me. I keep saying that I'm the common denominator so there's something wrong with me. I even asked my couselor last week if I remind her of a dude, or am too butch or unfeminine and she was astounded that I even asked that. My little brother has said I've never been the same since I started online dating. He even told me that I look too good to be online.

 

I'm really upset over the latest string of "rejections"- four in December. Each guy spent less and less time with me and each guy was more and more interesting to me. I feel so worthless. Why do I keep trying online dating? It's like I'm determined to meet "the one" on there.

 

Thanks for reading and sharing any insight.

 

Oh gosh. For a moment there I thought I'd lost my memory and started a new thread. I am in exactly the same position. Albeit I don't have a counselor, just a long suffering mother and sister that I regularly speak to about OLD.

 

I feel torn with OLD as I live in a small town, noone new ever comes and my friends are all settled. I've been on a significant amount of dates in a year and feel like I've exhausted the pool, or dated every guy I could have been interested in, to no avail.

 

The reality is, I've had more dates from using OLD than I have in real life as I sadly don't come across many eligible men. And believe me, my eyes are peeled.

 

I'm shortly 30 and feel such a loneliness - I'm technically in the prime of life/fertile etc and would love to just have the chance to share some good times with someone. I worry once my youth wears off, then there's not much hope.

 

But I manage to keep this thought to the back of my mind by trying to immerse myself in living in the here and now, something I have a bit of control over.

 

Wishing you all good things, sending good vibes.

[hasaquestion]

I'm very frustrated and it took me awhile to get to the point of being able to discuss this. I don't like the way I feel about myself when I'm dating online. Unofrtunately, it has been my predominant method of dating for the past six years or so. I'm a little traditional, and just don't approach men. I'm shy and don't have friends where I live, as I relocated a few times. I know of the online dating stigma where it is for "losers", although I've heard of people having great succcess with it. Here are some things that I've been thinking about.

 

Are the men on there more socially awkward and/or insecure than ones who are not on dating sites? It has happened numerous times where I'll have a first date, second date, etc., only to never hear from the guy again (or else he'll randomly pop up a year or so later, lol). I generally won't contact them afterwards- it's just not how I do things. Even in the rare cases I do, it doesn't work out anyway. All in all, I take the guys silence as a rejection. Granted, the men don't meet all of my criteria and don't turn me on a lot (for some reason, the guys I want don't seem to be interested in me), but they are the best of the existing group of guys I'm talking to. My brother never understood why I'd get so upset over not hearing back from the guys and I would exclaim, "It's like I'm being rejected by losers!".

 

Here is an intersting observation: During 2015, I got out a lot more and actually met more men offline than online. Some of the men I did meet at social events for the dating site; however, the men were not active users. One man even said he had never read or sent a message in his life despite being on the site for three years! Ironically, he's the one I can't get rid of. When I meet men in person, they seem to be a lot more in to me and pursue me, and want to see me beyond a few dates. They do things the way men did back in my college days, where they pursue you, hold open doors, behave like gentleman and don't think they are entitled to sex after buying you a hamburger at McDonald's. They will talk on the phone to me, not text endlessly. They start talking commitment to me.

 

There is a direct correlation between how active a man is on a dating site and how much he pursues me. And come to think of it, the men I meet online are not guys I would be captivated by had I met them in person first.

 

Everyone, including my counselors over the years, has told me that the online dating men are the problem, not me. I keep saying that I'm the common denominator so there's something wrong with me. I even asked my couselor last week if I remind her of a dude, or am too butch or unfeminine and she was astounded that I even asked that. My little brother has said I've never been the same since I started online dating. He even told me that I look too good to be online.

 

I'm really upset over the latest string of "rejections"- four in December. Each guy spent less and less time with me and each guy was more and more interesting to me. I feel so worthless. Why do I keep trying online dating? It's like I'm determined to meet "the one" on there.

 

Thanks for reading and sharing any insight.

 

Think of Texas Hold 'em poker. Every turn you can raise, fold, etc. But cards in the middle are getting revealed turn by turn, so at each point you have to decide to quit or keep playing based on the cards you can see.

 

The point of that analogy? It represents the difference between online dating sites and meeting people. In person a different set of your cards is visible.

 

You aren't weird for giving different impressions to strangers in real life and on a dating profile. What would actually be weird is if you gave off the same impression both ways.