Kuchi2 Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I'm dating a guy, who I am sooo fond of and enjoy his companionship and the things we talk about, do, etc. He cares about me, has told me he's in love, and for the most part, it's a very natural and comfortable relationship (like not forced, not awkward, very warming, fun, loving). We are official and exclusive. The only thing is, that we are both stubborn! We don't get into many disagreements (so far), but the two times that we have, we don't see eye to eye and he goes into passive-aggressive mode and I go into silent treatment mode. I know BOTH ways are horrible, and I'm usually the first one that confronts him and wants to talk after a good time away from not talking (lol less than a day at most), and he's always on board and agrees that we need to come into some agreement, and then we are back to normal, like nothing happened! But I feel if I'm usually always the one trying to compromise after a fight, I'll get tired and feel like I'm the only one trying (even if he cares about me just as much). Anyone else in a relationship where both of you are stubborn by nature? How do you usually come into agreement before it becomes childish (silent treatment and passive-aggressive attitude)? Is it usually one party that says sorry first, to bring the relationship back to grounds? I do see a good future with this guy, and other than our stubborn disagreements, we make a great team so far.
soph-walker Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 My ex used to stonewall me if ever we had a disagreement or row- he would sit and stare at the floor, not say a word to me and sometimes even get in his car and drive off. Speak to him about how important communications in times of conflict. I was always the one to try to make amends...even if he had been 'in the wrong' 1
Author Kuchi2 Posted January 12, 2016 Author Posted January 12, 2016 We don't point fingers. Even if I"m the one coming clean first, I just tell him how I feel and what my point of the argument was, he never says it was my fault, and I don't point fingers either. We talk it out after, but just want pointers/advise how other stubborn couples come to agreement before it gets to the point of not talking.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 All you can do is discuss how this makes you feel, and how you think conflict should be addressed in a way that both of you feel heard and understood. You can change your own approach, ie. not shutting down and giving the silent treatment. And you can be specific in what you'd like him to stop - for example, if makes cutting comments or is overly sarcastic, explain why this hurts you. Don't wait for him to start making changes before you do. Start improving your side now. He has to want to meet you half-way. If he's not willing to do this and improve communication, expect more of the same. We can't change people; we can only change ourselves.
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