Bullmoose Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 "Hope you've been well. Miss your company. Honestly, only thing keeping me from you is the fact that I feel rushed with you. I know you're ready for more than I'm ready for. Which is understandable. Just know I miss our conversation and goofiness. I'm going to sleep so I'll talk to you tomorrow. Hope you're sleeping well. Goodnight!" Long story short, I met her right after she got out of a bad relationship. We started dating, things started to get more serious and we made it official about 6 weeks ago... Got into an argument one night, I said some things that I shouldn't have and then she broke up with me... She's not mad at me and we've slowly started hanging out and talking more and more, and last week I finally told her that I want to be with her again. She said I needed to decide to either give her the time and space she needs or to just move on. I told her I would give her what she needed then I disappeared on her and then I received that text message 3 nights later. Any advice would be much obliged.
Chi townD Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 If it were me, I would just leave her alone. You said it yourself, she JUST came out of a bad relationship and you don't want to be rebound guy. She never healed up and she realizes she moving too fast. Actually, she may be doing you a favor. 1
Author Bullmoose Posted January 12, 2016 Author Posted January 12, 2016 (edited) I'm absolutely leaving her alone... I have been since we had this discussion a week ago. But then I receive that text 3 nights later? I don't know if she misses me or what, but I know that I miss her. Also I should clarify something... She didn't just tell me out of the blue that I need to make the choice to give her space or move on... She said that she needed time to think... she wasn't so blunt about me choosing to give her space or move on... She just keeps saying she doesn't know if she's ready yet because she got her heartbroken so bad in her last relationship. I just don't know if I need to completely break off contact with her, or let her dictate how slow we go. We have a really fun, great relationship and I really don't wanna lose her. Ladies, any experience with "taking it slow"? Edited January 12, 2016 by Bullmoose
Chi townD Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I'm absolutely leaving her alone... I have been since we had this discussion a week ago. But then I receive that text 3 nights later? I don't know if she misses me or what, but I know that I miss her. Also I should clarify something... She didn't just tell me out of the blue that I need to make the choice to give her space or move on... She said that she needed time to think... she wasn't so blunt about me choosing to give her space or move on... She just keeps saying she doesn't know if she's ready yet because she got her heartbroken so bad in her last relationship. I just don't know if I need to completely break off contact with her, or let her dictate how slow we go. Well, there you go, she's telling you that she's not fully healed yet and she is unsure. Do you really want to be with someone that is unsure about you or do you want to be with a girl that wants to be with you because there's no other place in the world she would rather be? So, why the text? She just wants to make sure things are cool between the two of you. There's a weird thing with most girls. She knows she hurt you. She knows you want more and she's not willing to give it to you. Most girls can't stand the fact that there might be a person on this planet that doesn't think they are a nice person or hates them. She's texting you to make sure this isn't the case.
still_an_Angel Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I think she means that she's not in the ideal headspace for now but really considers you a nice guy (or maybe potential bf). I think there's room here in the future.
Author Bullmoose Posted January 12, 2016 Author Posted January 12, 2016 That's the thing though... If she has no interest in me, why do we talk everyday? And why were we making plans to hang out on Saturday before I decided to bring this up? We went to dinner together less than 2 weeks ago and trust me, it was a date. All signs point to her really wanting to take it slow, but I brought it up too soon and she told me how she felt. I would think if there was no reciprocated interest, I wouldn't get random texts at midnight from her and she wouldn't make it a point to talk to me every single day. I'm not saying that you're wrong. its obviously a good opinion and I thank you for ir
Author Bullmoose Posted January 12, 2016 Author Posted January 12, 2016 Still an angel, So what should I do? Completely back off and let her dictate what happens?
smudge21 Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Are you prepared to see this through? It does simply sound like she doesn't know what she wants. Yes, she clearly likes you.. but does she still have those small feelings for her ex too. The risk you run is spending a lot of time with her, never truly moving forward or into anything serious, just having a great time... but... come one day she still calls it off and you've fallen for her big time. Being with someone that you want but can't have can often only make you want them more - it's like dumpees who don't go no contact and still see their ex. They never move on. There's also that tiny chance she could run back to her ex. Basically I agree that if something is good and you like doing it, then you should see it through, but you need to be prepared for the chance that this may not go the way you want it to. Unrequited love is the worse feeling in the world, take it from one who knows. If you can handle just being her friend without any gaurantee that something will come of it, then fair enough, go for it. But just try and shield yourself. You don't want or need that pain of losing something you never really had. 1
Author Bullmoose Posted January 12, 2016 Author Posted January 12, 2016 I am prepared to see this through... I just don't know what to do next. I responded to her text the next day with this: "Even though I'm ready and you're not, I'm willing to do what it takes to make sure you're comfortable. I would love to hang out with you when you want to, but also understand if you want to take it really slow." Her response: "I like that." I didn't respond to her last message because I feel like if she needs time and space, then she will reach out to me if she wants to see me or talk to me... Is this the proper move? Just to wait for her to contact me next?
smudge21 Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Do YOU feel its the right move for you? Saying you're okay with taking things slow but then coming here to ask if it is, indicates you're not truly sure. Can you honestly wait for her, even if it takes months, without knowing whether she's really going to be with you by the end. Its a big ask of anyone. I truly get that you like her but I would warn you of falling for someone who clearly could go either way. I get it because its a mistake I made. By the time I understood it was too late, and I had feelings for her whilst she simply didn't know. If you do jump into this then don't bottle up how you feel and be honest with her. Its not just her feelings that matter here. Its okay to let her take the lead and go at her pace but don't let this control your life whilst you wait for her. She may never come around. Anyway, I actually liked what you sent her. Wish I'd used that one. Just remember its your life too.
Kehv Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 "Hope you've been well. Miss your company. Honestly, only thing keeping me from you is the fact that I feel rushed with you. I know you're ready for more than I'm ready for. Which is understandable. Just know I miss our conversation and goofiness. I'm going to sleep so I'll talk to you tomorrow. Hope you're sleeping well. Goodnight!" Long story short, I met her right after she got out of a bad relationship. We started dating, things started to get more serious and we made it official about 6 weeks ago... Got into an argument one night, I said some things that I shouldn't have and then she broke up with me... She's not mad at me and we've slowly started hanging out and talking more and more, and last week I finally told her that I want to be with her again. She said I needed to decide to either give her the time and space she needs or to just move on. I told her I would give her what she needed then I disappeared on her and then I received that text message 3 nights later. Any advice would be much obliged. In my opinion a rebound could only work if you are like soulmates or something. You made it official 6 weeks ago and I think you didn't date for a very long time before that, right? (rebound behaviour) Also I don't know how long her previous relationship was.
Author Bullmoose Posted January 12, 2016 Author Posted January 12, 2016 (edited) We had been seeing eachother since around August-September, and we agreed to take it slow at first, but I think I was going too slow. I honestly didn't want to date her at the time, but as time went on, our feelings for eachother grew, and I finally broke down and we made it official... I screwed it up very soon after... I think her last relationship lasted for around a year and I think I initially was the rebound, but I think it grew into something stronger. I will say this, a few years ago, I was in a 3 year relationship. We bought a house together and lived together for a year... I lost interest but I was too much of a baby to break up with her... It forced her to cheat on me and kick me out of the house. I found out within 2 weeks that she was basically dating her boss. It killed me. I couldn't handle it for months, but within those 2-3 months of me being depressed, I started dating a girl and I really liked her a lot... I didn't see her as a rebound. She moved away and we broke up and once again I was depressed... Maybe more so than with the long term relationship that I had just gotten out of before... So I don't really believe the whole rebound thing... Maybe I'm wrong, but I dont see why a "rebound" relationship can't work. It just doesn't make sense. The only way it would make sense is if she went back to the original guy she was dating before me.. And I think he treated her so horrible that she probably wouldn't do that. So to answer your question, we had been seeing eachother for 4-5 months, then made it official early December, then I screwed it up and spent 2-3 weeks trying to get back in her good graces... Once I did that everything seemed to be getting back to normal, but I could tell she had taken a step back because maybe she was worried that she moved too fast at the beginning of the relationship And when you guys say rebound, are you saying that she would go back to the other guy from her previous relationship, or she would move on to another new relationship with a new guy? Edited January 12, 2016 by Bullmoose
Been Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 Leave that one alone!!!You will end up being the rebound man!
Author Bullmoose Posted January 13, 2016 Author Posted January 13, 2016 So just quit talking to her and see if she comes back or what? I haven't said a word to her since that last text up top. Didn't respond to her last text either.
mightycpa Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 Oh, there are so many clues here. I'll highlight them in bold. "Hope you've been well. Miss your company. Honestly, only thing keeping me from you is the fact that I feel rushed with you. I know you're ready for more than I'm ready for. Which is understandable. Just know I miss our conversation and goofiness. I'm going to sleep so I'll talk to you tomorrow. Hope you're sleeping well. Goodnight!" Long story short, I met her right after she got out of a bad relationship. We started dating, things started to get more serious and we made it official about 6 weeks ago... Got into an argument one night, I said some things that I shouldn't have and then she broke up with me... She's not mad at me and we've slowly started hanging out and talking more and more, and last week I finally told her that I want to be with her again. She said I needed to decide to either give her the time and space she needs or to just move on. I told her I would give her what she needed then I disappeared on her and then I received that text message 3 nights later. Any advice would be much obliged.OK, so as to her text, she likes you, but she's nowhere near ready to make any decisions about taking this to the next level, whatever that means. What it means to you is that she doesn't like you as much as you'd like her to. Also, she seems to understand perfectly why you'd want to take it farther with her, and also why she doesn't want to take things farther with you. To her, both things are "understandable". Ouch. Then it's me, me, me. You got in a fight, and said some regrettable things. I hope you learned two lessons: (1) Don't say it unless you mean it. (2) If something frustrates you, then find a way to phrase your frustration so that it is not a complete judgment on her character. She's not mad at you means that she doesn't care what you said anymore. It's not about that. That was an excuse. She needs time... time to what? Convince herself that you're suitable for her? That she likes you more than Mr. Heartbreak? There's not enough time in the world for that. She wants time to find a unicorn, but she'll stop looking when she sees a nice looking horse. My advice? Don't play that game with her. If it bothers you to know you can't be with her, then excise her from your life. It's easier to get used to her not being around if she's actually not around. It's easier to get used to not talking to her if you actually don't talk to her. It's easier to ... well, you get the idea, right?
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