MightyQuinn Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Just something that I've been pondering lately... Most of my dating years were in high school and in college... I was also on/off/married to someone for 12ish years. My experiences with dating are rusty and outdated. And I haven't had to this "getting to know you" thing, in this way, for a long, long time. I've been dating someone for a while, and we talk a lot. We talk for hours about all sorts of stuff, like movies, TV, video games, politics, psychology, religion, our day-to-day lives, our family/friends, what we'd do if we won the lottery... What types of deeper topics do people talk about when getting to know each other? What's the most intensely deep and intimate question you've ever asked or been asked by someone you were dating? In your opinion, what is a make-or-break question that helps you find out if the other person is suitable for you? (Beyond the obvious, such as major life goals like having kids or getting married) I would really love to hear about other people's real life experiences with getting to know potential partners at a deeper level.
Alamo657 Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Just something that I've been pondering lately... Most of my dating years were in high school and in college... I was also on/off/married to someone for 12ish years. My experiences with dating are rusty and outdated. And I haven't had to this "getting to know you" thing, in this way, for a long, long time. I've been dating someone for a while, and we talk a lot. We talk for hours about all sorts of stuff, like movies, TV, video games, politics, psychology, religion, our day-to-day lives, our family/friends, what we'd do if we won the lottery... What types of deeper topics do people talk about when getting to know each other? What's the most intensely deep and intimate question you've ever asked or been asked by someone you were dating? In your opinion, what is a make-or-break question that helps you find out if the other person is suitable for you? (Beyond the obvious, such as major life goals like having kids or getting married) I would really love to hear about other people's real life experiences with getting to know potential partners at a deeper level. "My best guy friend..." red flag.
mrldii Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Silly me...I thought those little, seemingly-insignificant conversations were the act of getting to know someone better. I mean, if I'm actually now dating a guy, I already know he's not a mass-murder, drug addict, Trump-supporter or something equally horrific. Those little conversations regarding the day-to-day and mundane occurrences are what tells me what I need to know about him: how does he fill his down-time? How does he handle life's mishaps, like a flat tire on his way to an important appointment? How does he handle finding a hair in his salad? Those things can tell you much, much more about who/how another person really is; it's in those little details that you get a much clearer picture about the other person. 2
Author MightyQuinn Posted January 12, 2016 Author Posted January 12, 2016 Silly me...I thought those little, seemingly-insignificant conversations were the act of getting to know someone better. Wholeheartedly agreed, I didn't discount this things as insignificant by any means. But I'm in my own little corner of my own little world and only have my extremely limited experiences to base off of. Perhaps there are other things to talk about that would be good to discuss, too. Things I haven't even thought to bring up because I have been out of the game and out of practice. So I'm here asking other people about their experiences. Thanks for sharing yours
mrldii Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 According to this website, here's 60 of 'em, when in a new romance: 60 Get to Know You Questions for a New Romance I suppose, as in most things in life, it's more important to listen to the answers than it is to ask the *right* questions. Enjoy...and good luck!!! 1
Jejangles Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 You could do some of the "36 questions to fall in love" from the New York Times! 36 Questions - How to fall in love with anyone 1
StBreton Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I ask "so what brought you joy in the past week?" This tells me a lot about how a person sees the world. I can spot a negatively focused person easily. Getting to know someone on a deeper level ...I ask about goals/dreams etc in the next year to few years. If I'm dating someone and I know these, I'll do what I can to help be a part of these things happening ...like I've joined their team. I'll also ask "what kinds of things do you struggle with?" Totally agree with the wise mrldii about truly learning about someone from how they handle the day to day ...sharing life's happenings 1
Gaeta Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Bring up topics on * Religion * Money * Cheating * addiction Should be interesting. 1
Author MightyQuinn Posted January 12, 2016 Author Posted January 12, 2016 I ask "so what brought you joy in the past week?" I'll also ask "what kinds of things do you struggle with?" Ooooo... I like both of those. Simple but revealing.
soph-walker Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Good question, OP. For me it's finding out things about someone on a deeper level, past small talk. It's sharing embarrassing/funny stories, or difficult life experiences and how you handled them. It's also about getting to know their quirks and how their sense of humour works. 2
smackie9 Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I prefer friendly banter and teasing....that is the only way I can tell if we are going to get along or not. If they are too nervous, don't know what to say, give lame responses, to scared to say anything, are boring....interest is completely gone.
basil67 Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I don't think it's much different to chatting with a stranger at a party. It's really hard to plan questions because you don't know in advance what kind of person they are. For instance, getting conversation out of the person may be like pulling teeth - or they may let you in straight away and you find yourself getting into all kinds of deep and meaningful discussions. And all the in between personalities Also remember that it's their job to raise conversation too. They should be coming up with as many topics as you do.
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