YourCupOfTea Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 (edited) Hi everyone! I'm new here and also a bit new on the dating scene, so I have a question I would love to get some advice on. First I would like to say that I'm not a native English speaker, I might make some spelling mistakes. Sorry for that! I'm single for 4 months now and I've been on my first date with a cute guy since forever. It was fun and I was really sure he felt the same. On the end of the date he asked if I wanted to grab dinner that weekend, but I couldn't make it. I said: 'I have other plans, but I would like to see you again, so maybe somewhere next week.' He did text me a day later, and after the weekend, but he did not do anything to aks me out again. Like I said; I haven't been on the dating scene in quite a while so I'm a bit fuzzy on what to do. Might he think that I'm not interested because I said I couldn't make it? And should I just ask him out (ball in my court)? Or should I just wait and see, because I did say that I would like to see him again. I would like to see him again this wednesday, because the rest of my week is booked already. Thanks! Edited January 12, 2016 by YourCupOfTea
Mikau Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Men are often told to assume a girl isn't interested if she cancels/declines a (second) date, unless she offers a specific time to reschedule. So yes, he's likely to think you're not interested so you'll probably have to ask him for Wednesday yourself. 1
PegNosePete Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 If I'd been on a date where this conversation happened at the end, and she asked me out on Wednesday, I would certainly not say no. Some might tell you to wait for him to ask. But I say, you have nothing to lose by asking. 1
Author YourCupOfTea Posted January 12, 2016 Author Posted January 12, 2016 Hmm, I was afraid of that.. I find asking men out very scary. In the past men usually made it very clear that they wanted to see me again. But then again, if I don't do anything and there is a possibility he thinks I'm not interested I will probably regret it later. So, I will gather my courage and text him tonight. Wish me luck! 3
Redhead14 Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Hi everyone! I'm new here and also a bit new on the dating scene, so I have a question I would love to get some advice on. First I would like to say that I'm not a native English speaker, I might make some spelling mistakes. Sorry for that! I'm single for 4 months now and I've been on my first date with a cute guy since forever. It was fun and I was really sure he felt the same. On the end of the date he asked if I wanted to grab dinner that weekend, but I couldn't make it. I said: 'I have other plans, but I would like to see you again, so maybe somewhere next week.' He did text me a day later, and after the weekend, but he did not do anything to aks me out again. Like I said; I haven't been on the dating scene in quite a while so I'm a bit fuzzy on what to do. Might he think that I'm not interested because I said I couldn't make it? And should I just ask him out (ball in my court)? Or should I just wait and see, because I did say that I would like to see him again. I would like to see him again this wednesday, because the rest of my week is booked already. Thanks! The ball is in his court. You declined but specifically told him you would like to see him again. I would have been more specific about an alternate day and time though. Usually, when you have to decline or cancel a date, you should offer something specific. Nevertheless, you did tell him you would like to see him again during the week. Ride it out and see if he calls to find out when you can meet again this week. If he doesn't, just let it go. 1
Jejangles Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 The ball is in his court. You declined but specifically told him you would like to see him again. I would have been more specific about an alternate day and time though. Usually, when you have to decline or cancel a date, you should offer something specific. Nevertheless, you did tell him you would like to see him again during the week. Ride it out and see if he calls to find out when you can meet again this week. If he doesn't, just let it go. I agree! I think it's best to offer a specific time, but I also think if he's interested, he will ask you out again. Give it a few more days and then if you feel like it, ask him, but I do think guys usually do the asking for the first few dates when they are very interested.
Author YourCupOfTea Posted January 12, 2016 Author Posted January 12, 2016 He beat me to it! We have a date. 4
Author YourCupOfTea Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 (edited) My situation has become a little strange. It turns out that i'm super bad at reading this guy. We had a second date in the early the afternoon and I noticed that I was extremely attracted to the guy. Even more than I was the first. After one drink he suggested to go. I assumed that he was not having a good time and thought 'okay, thats too bad, but i'll cut my losses' We walked a bit and talked and ended up at his place having sex. (okay, so that was what he meant by "let's go"...) I'm guessing that the tension during the date was mutual, but I just didn't pick that up. I'm not the kind of person that's cares about rules in that way. And I really enjoyed myself. So I thought; just wait and see what happens. Maybe it's a one time thing, maybe not. We both had other plans that evening so I went home. Within an hour I got a text that he was afraid I got his intentions wrong or something... I just send something back that he shouldn't worry about it and that i had a nice time. But got nothing back. I have so much trouble reading this guy that it makes me a bit insecure. And i would like this not to be a one time thing. Any thought on how to proceed? Edited January 17, 2016 by YourCupOfTea
Unsuretrying Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 Don't have any advice but it sounds like a great night! But if I were you, I would leave it and let him contact me. You sent the last text, so it's up to him.
Author YourCupOfTea Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 We did have a nice afternoon I think I will see if he will contact me. I'm just a bit worried that at some point he thinks I'm not that into him, because I've never taken any initiative at this point. I do have the feeling I will have to show it a bit more than I'm doing now.
Unsuretrying Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 How old are you guys? If you are older, it may be fine to take a little initiative. But if you're in your 20's I absolutely wouldn't. I'm mid twenties, and I don't take any initiative (unless the guy is like, ridiculously shy) with guys my own age. However I often date guys in their mid thirties to forty, and these men don't mind, and sometimes prefer the woman to take the initiative.
smackie9 Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 The usual thing to do is whomever cancels the date should be the one to reschedule. Guys all ages don't mind if a women takes the initiative and I'm living proof. Trust me on this.....when I was single in my twenties, I asked guys out( even younger than me)with plenty of success. The old fable that guys think you are easy/have no value if you do the asking is false. Most find it flattering and even an ego boost that a woman finds them attractive enough to make the effort.
Author YourCupOfTea Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 (edited) We are both close around 30. I have asked all my previous boyfriends out for the first date. Back then i didn't care about that sort of stuff. But since I've been out of the game for a while i feel as though i've become more cautious. I think I will wait a couple of days and just see. If I don't hear from him I will send something and see how he responds. Edited January 17, 2016 by YourCupOfTea
katiegrl Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 (edited) My situation has become a little strange. It turns out that i'm super bad at reading this guy. We had a second date in the early the afternoon and I noticed that I was extremely attracted to the guy. Even more than I was the first. After one drink he suggested to go. I assumed that he was not having a good time and thought 'okay, thats too bad, but i'll cut my losses' We walked a bit and talked and ended up at his place having sex. (okay, so that was what he meant by "let's go"...) I'm guessing that the tension during the date was mutual, but I just didn't pick that up. I'm not the kind of person that's cares about rules in that way. And I really enjoyed myself. So I thought; just wait and see what happens. Maybe it's a one time thing, maybe not. We both had other plans that evening so I went home. Within an hour I got a text that he was afraid I got his intentions wrong or something... I just send something back that he shouldn't worry about it and that i had a nice time. But got nothing back. I have so much trouble reading this guy that it makes me a bit insecure. And i would like this not to be a one time thing. Any thought on how to proceed? OP wrote: >>We both had other plans that evening so I went home. Within an hour, I got a text that he was afraid I got his intentions wrong.... I send something back that he shouldn't worry it and that I had a nice time. But got nothing back.<< -------- ^^ Based on this last message from him, I would not expect to hear from him again. He's essentially telling you not to misinterpret what went down that night -- sex -- to mean he wants a relationship with you. And the fact when you told him you had a nice time, he did not text back returning the sentiment..... not a good sign. I mean if he contacts you again, great ...but I would not expect it. JMO. Sorry. Edited January 17, 2016 by katiegrl
Author YourCupOfTea Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 (edited) I didn't put here what he send me exactly; he was afraid that I interpreted that he had to go as him kicking me out of his place. and that this wasn't his intention. And when we said goodbye he did say he wanted to see me again. The only thing that confuses me is that he did not say that he had a nice time too. and did not back text anything. Edited January 17, 2016 by YourCupOfTea
smackie9 Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 We did have a nice afternoon I think I will see if he will contact me. I'm just a bit worried that at some point he thinks I'm not that into him, because I've never taken any initiative at this point. I do have the feeling I will have to show it a bit more than I'm doing now. Dear you had sex with him.....if that doesn't show that you are into him I don't know what does. I would be concerned now that all he wanted out of you was sex. It wouldn't surprise me that he calls you up to meet at his place to "watch a movie" wink wink.
katiegrl Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 I didn't put here what he send me exactly; he was afraid that I interpreted that he had to go as him kicking me out of his place. and that this wasn't his intention. And when we said goodbye he did say he wanted to see me again. The only thing that confuses me is that he did not say that he had a nice time too. and did not back text anything. Oh well that's different... thanks for clarifying! Think positive....it all sounds good. Obviously he had a good time! Relax and try not to over-think.... G'luck! 1
Author YourCupOfTea Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 (edited) Dear you had sex with him.....if that doesn't show that you are into him I don't know what does. I would be concerned now that all he wanted out of you was sex. It wouldn't surprise me that he calls you up to meet at his place to "watch a movie" wink wink. That is actually true, hahah. But girls could also just want one night stands. I'm just going to see how it goes. It will probably unfold itself. Edited January 17, 2016 by YourCupOfTea 1
katiegrl Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 That is actually true, hahah. But girls could also just want one night stands. I'm just going to see how it goes. It will probably unfold itself. That's all you can do...and is actually a really great attitude. My recent ex and I had sex the first night...and we were together six years after that.. Broke up recently for reasons unrelated to having early sex. So yeah keep expectations in check and see how it plays out ......organically.
Author YourCupOfTea Posted January 17, 2016 Author Posted January 17, 2016 (edited) My ex boyfriend and i slept together the first night also. So, i usually don't care about that sort of stuff. I think that if a guy doesn't call you, its not because of sex on the first or second date. A lot of second dates don't make it to third dates anyway. It's just that he or she was not feeling it, sex or no sex. Just in this case I find it more difficult because i've been out of the dating scene for a while and this situation makes me a bit insecure. if you look at the date itself it's a very weird situation. Plus I really like the guy and I really want him to call me But we will see. Although I think that if he will not contact me in a couple of days, I will try once and initiate a text. Just in case i gave the impression i wanted one night thing. And then i'll leave it up to him. Edited January 17, 2016 by YourCupOfTea
Unsuretrying Posted January 17, 2016 Posted January 17, 2016 That sounds good. After all, if he doesn't contact in a couple days, you have nothing to lose at all by contacting him. The worst he can say is no, and you're no worse off than you were prior to contacting him.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted January 18, 2016 Posted January 18, 2016 Normally and typically girls expect guys to ask for the second date too
Author YourCupOfTea Posted January 19, 2016 Author Posted January 19, 2016 (edited) We have a third date! He did not contact me, but i contacted him, and said something cheeky: because you've kicked me out of your place you owe me a new date and he said "what are you doing saturday night?" Edited January 19, 2016 by YourCupOfTea 2
Robratory Posted January 19, 2016 Posted January 19, 2016 We have a third date! He did not contact me, but i contacted him, and said something cheeky: because you've kicked me out of your place you owe me a new date and he said "what are you doing saturday night?" Great! Now you can relax a little, and I hope things get better and better!
Author YourCupOfTea Posted January 19, 2016 Author Posted January 19, 2016 it felt pretty ballsy to do, but i could tell that he thought it was funny and he was eager to set the date.
Recommended Posts