contel3 Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 How long have you been single before you found someone you REALLY like? How many dates did you have during that time? I've been single for almost a year now, with a string of unsuccessful dates. I felt some chemistry three times this year, but all turned out to have some major red flags like cheating on their SO, looking for something casual ect.
soph-walker Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Been single for dead on 2 years, have dated via OLD and in real life for over a year. It's been a tumultuous experience, have met some lovely guys, have met some weirdos! All in all, I've met a total of 2 guys I would have considered a relationship with, alas, they weren't to be. I'm learning it's a case of try and try again, learning about yourself, learning about others and trying to get to trust your gut instinct over a situation. 1
Toodaloo Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 2 years. Still searching. Met a few I really liked - didn't work out... Ho hum! I guess when you are looking for someone with that secret ingredient that matches you its never going to be easy. 1
soph-walker Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 2 years. Still searching. Met a few I really liked - didn't work out... Ho hum! I guess when you are looking for someone with that secret ingredient that matches you its never going to be easy. How much of chemistry is instantaneous and how much is built up over a few meetings though. Me personally, I think that the secret ingredient you mention is sometimes an unattainable or slightly unrealistic expectation. I started dating when I was 15/16 and know that sometimes this special ingredient can turn out to be a dud ingredient later on in a relationship.
Blanco Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 About a year. Haven't dated at all. I'd been in a relationship for years, so I wanted to spend the time after the breakup focusing on myself without complicating it with dating. I've reconnected with friends, made new ones, returned to weight training, lost a lot of weight, worked on my business, spent more time with my mom, made a point to go out with friends a couple times a week, read more, journaled, learned more about myself and my relationship (and relationships, in general). Basically, I've spent the last year trying to re-establish who I am as an individual. I was a boyfriend for so long that I had to make a concerted effort to shake that identity and get a more precise vision of who I am and want I want from life. It hasn't been easy. There have been a lot of lonely days and nights, and points where I wondered if I was ever going to feel "right" again. But I don't regret my decision to follow this path at all. Looking for another girlfriend or even dates too soon would've just masked the problem and there's a good chance I'd still be very much the person I was a year ago. At this point, I feel more open and available to a potential relationship, whereas six or seven months ago, that wasn't the case. 6
Toodaloo Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 How much of chemistry is instantaneous and how much is built up over a few meetings though. Me personally, I think that the secret ingredient you mention is sometimes an unattainable or slightly unrealistic expectation. I started dating when I was 15/16 and know that sometimes this special ingredient can turn out to be a dud ingredient later on in a relationship. I am not talking chemistry. I am talking devotion and loyalty... 1
soph-walker Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I am not talking chemistry. I am talking devotion and loyalty... Ah I see, I presumed it was chemistry you were referring to, it's often the deciding factor for people these days
Toodaloo Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Sorry I think I should explain further. In the beginning everyone wants a spark. We all want that pizaz that makes us look twice. Then after a while you hear the "they have changed" comments. That is when splits happen. I believe it is because people put up a "mask" at the beginning that is just not sustainable because we all just want to be ourselves after all. As the relationship develops people relax and let down their "mask". Once the mask is off and you have seen them at their worst. That is when loyalty and dedication to make the relationship work and keep that pizaz going. That loyalty and dedication is what I personally define as "love". Its looking at someone who you live with, holiday with, sleep next to and know the smell of their farts with more intimate knowledge than anyone would wish after a massive row and being able to say... I don't like you right now but I still love you and you are the person I still want to wake up next to in 20, 30 years time. You are the person I want to kiss when we are in our 90's and have no teeth. Then getting off your ass and working at it to make it work. Today everything is disposable. People have made themselves disposable. So many just don't put the effort in. So for me it is that umph to keep going when the chips are down and work at it. That is what I am looking for and its really really hard to find. 7
Buddhist Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 It was 4yrs between my previous partner and my current one.
RySant Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 How long have you been single before you found someone you REALLY like? How many dates did you have during that time? I've been single for almost a year now, with a string of unsuccessful dates. I felt some chemistry three times this year, but all turned out to have some major red flags like cheating on their SO, looking for something casual ect. I turn 26 this year and never been in a relationship. There are a lot of opportunities for me to do so but my fear of relationship is inhibiting me from engaging in one. Pathetic I know.
soph-walker Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Sorry I think I should explain further. In the beginning everyone wants a spark. We all want that pizaz that makes us look twice. Then after a while you hear the "they have changed" comments. That is when splits happen. I believe it is because people put up a "mask" at the beginning that is just not sustainable because we all just want to be ourselves after all. As the relationship develops people relax and let down their "mask". Once the mask is off and you have seen them at their worst. That is when loyalty and dedication to make the relationship work and keep that pizaz going. That loyalty and dedication is what I personally define as "love". Its looking at someone who you live with, holiday with, sleep next to and know the smell of their farts with more intimate knowledge than anyone would wish after a massive row and being able to say... I don't like you right now but I still love you and you are the person I still want to wake up next to in 20, 30 years time. You are the person I want to kiss when we are in our 90's and have no teeth. Then getting off your ass and working at it to make it work. Today everything is disposable. People have made themselves disposable. So many just don't put the effort in. So for me it is that umph to keep going when the chips are down and work at it. That is what I am looking for and its really really hard to find. Oh, Toodaloo. This is everything. You've hit the nail on the head for me in terms of how I feel and what I'm looking for.
TheArtist Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I turn 26 this year and never been in a relationship. There are a lot of opportunities for me to do so but my fear of relationship is inhibiting me from engaging in one. Pathetic I know. Always remember that fear was never overcome by merely thinking about it. This is great for that. Give it a watch. 2
Toodaloo Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Oh, Toodaloo. This is everything. You've hit the nail on the head for me in terms of how I feel and what I'm looking for. Its a simple thing. But it has been lost along the way. Every couple I know that has a successful, long term, generally happy relationship has this. Those that don't, you know its going to end at some point. I go along to weddings and can normally guess within a couple of years how long it will last. Gets depressing after a while. I don't want that. I want one marriage to one man. He doesn't have to be perfect. He can fart and have some annoying habits. But he has to be devoted to our relationship and to keeping it going. When I find a man like that I will put my all into the relationship and into ensuring he always feels loved and wanted. Until then I shrug my shoulders and carry on.
soph-walker Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Its a simple thing. But it has been lost along the way. Every couple I know that has a successful, long term, generally happy relationship has this. Those that don't, you know its going to end at some point. I go along to weddings and can normally guess within a couple of years how long it will last. Gets depressing after a while. I don't want that. I want one marriage to one man. He doesn't have to be perfect. He can fart and have some annoying habits. But he has to be devoted to our relationship and to keeping it going. When I find a man like that I will put my all into the relationship and into ensuring he always feels loved and wanted. Until then I shrug my shoulders and carry on. This is definitely my stand point. I was talking to one of my couple friends about dating only a few weeks ago. His view was that when he met his girlfriend, that he wasn't instantly blown away and didn't feel like ripping her clothes off instantly. He said she seemed lovely and wanted to get to know her, he thought she was beautiful, I might add. My friend agreed with him and said their relationship worked because they both understood there are ups and downs but loved each other and worked hard over the years. The mediocre buffet of online dating, or dating in general can give a false impression that someone 'better' or 'perfect' for you is only a swipe away. And it's a crock of ****e. 4
Toodaloo Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 There is no such thing as perfection. It just doesn't exist. What does exist are some wonderful people who have a few faults that make them who they are. Sometimes those faults and imperfections even become attractive depending on what they are! I used to love one of my exes scratching his bum. Every morning he would go to the kitchen put toast on and stand scratching his bum and pulling his boxers out of his butt crack. Doesn't sound attractive but it was just him and I used to watch him doing it when he didn't think I was. It kind of made him more attractive to me. 2
RySant Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Always remember that fear was never overcome by merely thinking about it. This is great for that. Give it a watch. Thank you for the video! But this could've helped me if I am a straight guy (lol) and also, my fear of relationship is not about approaching someone. It's that fear of being intimate and deep attachment then being betrayed by infidelity, cheating and sudden abandonment. I am working on it though, haven't had any progress...
Amelie1980 Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Ah I see, I presumed it was chemistry you were referring to, it's often the deciding factor for people these days Too much weight is placed on chemistry rather than a realistic basis. Intense feelings dont last and often dont come from a healthy place. When those feelings go bang, what do you have left alot of the time. 2
ManyDissapoint Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 He can fart At first you had my curiosity. Now you have my attention. 1
Blanco Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Maybe I'm an anomaly as a guy, but even if my girlfriend was OK with my farting around her, I wouldn't intentionally do it or not attempt to relocate to another area if I felt the urge. It's a normal bodily function, but I think it's kind of rude to just let 'er rip around someone in most cases unless it's my brother or something. 2
Amelie1980 Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Maybe I'm an anomaly as a guy, but even if my girlfriend was OK with my farting around her, I wouldn't intentionally do it or not attempt to relocate to another area if I felt the urge. It's a normal bodily function, but I think it's kind of rude to just let 'er rip around someone in most cases unless it's my brother or something. One of my exes just did it wherever, whenever. He once did it cuddled up in bed together. He one told me in starbucks that he just let one rip. I told him i didnt need to know that, he said i am warning you, you'll smell it in a second. Fine, it is a normal bodily function but as you say it is still rude. I mean I'm sure he doesnt do it at work or around polite company, so why around me.
Toodaloo Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Maybe I'm an anomaly as a guy, but even if my girlfriend was OK with my farting around her, I wouldn't intentionally do it or not attempt to relocate to another area if I felt the urge. It's a normal bodily function, but I think it's kind of rude to just let 'er rip around someone in most cases unless it's my brother or something. Passing wind is a natural bodily function. You should see us all at Yoga. We are all farting away and giggling at each other. Agreed by the age of 15 you should have stopped sitting on a persons head to fart (unless its your brother, because lets face it, you can never ever stop giving brothers wedgeys and playing jokes on them at any age or it just wouldn't be normal). But sometimes you just have to fart and can't help it! If your snuggled on the sofa and trying to sneak a quiet one so as not to disturb anyone and it comes out sounding like the Philharmonic Orchestra at full blast thats fine! What I am trying to say is that any man I date/ marry etc has my full permission to be human and to have those stupid little habits (farting as they put the kettle/ toast on in the morning when they think no one is looking is just an example). I knew another man who used to shake a leg after peeing... He tried not to after I pointed it out but couldn't help himself! All these daft things make a person who they are. I don't want perfect. Just a good man. Blanco you just have manners. Another thing that is lacking these days. 3
TheArtist Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I have to say that around my last girlfriend I would hold it in for hours at a time. I would lie wide eyed and unblinking in the dead of night hoping she couldn't hear the turbulence searching for an exit, sweat glistening on my furrowed forehead. Naturally a couple did escape and that resulted in her asking me to remind her to empty the bins in the morning. OK, I've made some of that up. It's a natural thing, just don't announce it in front of a loved one, neither should you ask to borrow their lighter because you 'want to show her a trick'. I've always hidden it to the best of my ability, but that's just being considerate, isn't it?
carhill Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 When one begins to reconsider the tone of posts they form, it's likely one has been single too long ExW filed for D in June 2009. This is January 2016. Single by choice for 6 years, seven months. Heh. In that interim, I think I've met maybe two or three ladies I admired and/or found attractive but they were married at the time and I noted, these days, once I flip that switch, it's flipped, even if they get divorced. Timing. Once it's gone, it's gone. So, no available and liked women have been met during that time. To me, in my age group, that's unremarkable since practically everyone I know is married. I think one male friend has never been married but that's normal for him. Young folks will likely have far different experiences. That was one change I noted from when young. Things were a lot more transitory back then.
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I've been single now for 5 months after being in a relationship for 3 years. I've just recently gone back to dating again and it's been...interesting.
deckard11 Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I have been single my entire life and have never been in a relationship.
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