The Shortest Relationship in History Lol

[WonderKid]

Well I met this girl around last month, mid Dec. We were talking and met each other; I visited her place a lot. Overall she been to my place 3 times. She was really feeling me. And on Jan 4th she wanted us to be an item. I've been single like, 3 yrs so I say I should give it a shot. She's very into me, I'm into her so lets see where it goes.

 

Jan 9th comes up and she breaks it off saying she thinks she went too fast and having 2nd thoughts.

Me personally I think she just wants to continue shopping around I guess. She wants us to be friends like we were, but idk if it can be "like we were". She sure does know how to waste a person's time. The other day she invited me over for only an hr. I'm like, wtf I could've stayed home. I think she's gonna treat me differently now. I think I'm going to go NC with her. I haven't told her what I thought about. I want to do that in person and not over txt.

 

I'm just mad at the fact, I showed her how great I am in many qualities and she still let me go fo whatever reason, but wants me as a friend. She wants us to happen "naturally". But how is that possible? I was "naturally" taking her on dates and hanging with her. It was only the beginning.

But prior to the breakup day, she asked do I feel awkward because she felt awkward. Like, we went too fast. So right then and there I knew she was gonan call it off. Very badly I want to tell her and make her realize the things I did for her. I don't think she really considered them at all. That's what's bothering me the most. I want to express it but I am holding myself back. Because even though I did these things, it still wasn't enough?

And I really don't think she'll treat me as the same friend as before. I feel like I'm just in her collection somehow. And I am not going to deal with that.

Something's telling me LIG it, but man do I want to express what I feel. Not in an angry manner, but just to assure her what she did not see or even care to see.

 

Sorry if this is too long. I just had to post it. She even asked me not to flirt with girls anymore. Many people perceive me as a flirter but idk how, maybe its how I talk. But I, myself had no intentions of flirting. This was at a new years party.

But I suspected something of her. Like, she has many male friends and she even told me once that she smoked with one of them. I've told her about my female friends but I'm not close to them like that--majority of them live out of state.

 

But what got my Spidey senses up is when she was over one time, and I was giving her a full body massage. We were watching an anime. And while this was happening, on numerous occasions, the FB ding would ring on her iPhone. She was messaging somebody. Idk who, but obviously a guy. Now, if I were getting a full body rub from my girl, I wouldn't be txting no one unless important. I must've been very boring. Lol

So she says she wants us to "happen naturally" and just have me as a friend, but I really think she was just shopping around. Even though it was only 5 days, damn its pretty ****ed up when I thought I was doing things right and out of nowhere this happens.

If it is "really" true on her feeling she just rushed it, then fine. But I think there were other motives.

 

Like, a while ago I went on one date with a woman she was tall 6'2" and had on 3" heels. Met up at Biggbys and had blazing conversations. We were talking afterwards, but then she apologized to me. She said that she still has feelings for her ex and she'd feel like she's cheating in him so she don't think it would work. So, I was like okay it's all cool it happens. At least she was straight up about it.

[mrldii]

Sorry, OP, but to me it reads like she got caught up in the holidays (and the *fear* of being alone during them) and either is working on getting back together with an ex or wants to remain *available* for a new guy that she's talking to.

 

If you're not into being The Backup Guy or multi-dating, you're probably going to want to just let her go.

 

 

Oh, and let her go silently...pleading your case to her about what a Great Guy you really are will fall on deaf ears - or blind eyes, depending on how you're thinking of delivering this info to her.

 

 

Best of luck to you in your new search in this new year...

[WonderKid]

Okay mrldii that was the best damn response right there! I haven't even given the holidays as a thought! I feel like a dumbass though. But you are right. I'll silently let her go. No "first texts" or anything. And when I "do" deliver the message, it'll be face to face...someday. But reading your reply really helped me out! I'll keep her at bay.

[mrldii]

Ahhhh, OP, don't ever feel like a dumbass for being open/available to love, when it [seemingly] appears.

 

Save feeling like a dumbass for when you hold onto something hoping that it really IS love, when it's proven it's anything but!!!

[WonderKid]

Thanks a bunch! You're a Mindsaver!

[soph-walker]

Sorry, OP, but to me it reads like she got caught up in the holidays (and the *fear* of being alone during them) and either is working on getting back together with an ex or wants to remain *available* for a new guy that she's talking to.

 

If you're not into being The Backup Guy or multi-dating, you're probably going to want to just let her go.

 

 

Oh, and let her go silently...pleading your case to her about what a Great Guy you really are will fall on deaf ears - or blind eyes, depending on how you're thinking of delivering this info to her.

 

 

Best of luck to you in your new search in this new year...

 

Emboldened text...this fear is actually known as 'cuffing'

 

Yep, that's the kind of world were living in now

[Sunlight72]

Okay mrldii that was the best damn response right there! I haven't even given the holidays as a thought! I feel like a dumbass though. But you are right. I'll silently let her go. No "first texts" or anything. And when I "do" deliver the message, it'll be face to face...someday. But reading your reply really helped me out! I'll keep her at bay.

You're not a dumbass for connecting with someone.

 

Hey, it was nice, right? You had nice holidays, yeah? You got to feel a bit of the sunshine - that's cool! Remember it, spread the sunshine around, and you'll get more back

 

This is just the beginning...

[WonderKid]

I'm gonna remember these replies when she wants to hang back out or something. Thanks. You guys made a lot of sense.

[Redhead14]

Well I met this girl around last month, mid Dec. We were talking and met each other; I visited her place a lot. Overall she been to my place 3 times. She was really feeling me. And on Jan 4th she wanted us to be an item. I've been single like, 3 yrs so I say I should give it a shot. She's very into me, I'm into her so lets see where it goes.

 

Jan 9th comes up and she breaks it off saying she thinks she went too fast and having 2nd thoughts.

Me personally I think she just wants to continue shopping around I guess. She wants us to be friends like we were, but idk if it can be "like we were". She sure does know how to waste a person's time. The other day she invited me over for only an hr. I'm like, wtf I could've stayed home. I think she's gonna treat me differently now. I think I'm going to go NC with her. I haven't told her what I thought about. I want to do that in person and not over txt.

 

I'm just mad at the fact, I showed her how great I am in many qualities and she still let me go fo whatever reason, but wants me as a friend. She wants us to happen "naturally". But how is that possible? I was "naturally" taking her on dates and hanging with her. It was only the beginning.

But prior to the breakup day, she asked do I feel awkward because she felt awkward. Like, we went too fast. So right then and there I knew she was gonan call it off. Very badly I want to tell her and make her realize the things I did for her. I don't think she really considered them at all. That's what's bothering me the most. I want to express it but I am holding myself back. Because even though I did these things, it still wasn't enough?

And I really don't think she'll treat me as the same friend as before. I feel like I'm just in her collection somehow. And I am not going to deal with that.

Something's telling me LIG it, but man do I want to express what I feel. Not in an angry manner, but just to assure her what she did not see or even care to see.

 

Sorry if this is too long. I just had to post it. She even asked me not to flirt with girls anymore. Many people perceive me as a flirter but idk how, maybe its how I talk. But I, myself had no intentions of flirting. This was at a new years party.

But I suspected something of her. Like, she has many male friends and she even told me once that she smoked with one of them. I've told her about my female friends but I'm not close to them like that--majority of them live out of state.

 

But what got my Spidey senses up is when she was over one time, and I was giving her a full body massage. We were watching an anime. And while this was happening, on numerous occasions, the FB ding would ring on her iPhone. She was messaging somebody. Idk who, but obviously a guy. Now, if I were getting a full body rub from my girl, I wouldn't be txting no one unless important. I must've been very boring. Lol

So she says she wants us to "happen naturally" and just have me as a friend, but I really think she was just shopping around. Even though it was only 5 days, damn its pretty ****ed up when I thought I was doing things right and out of nowhere this happens.

If it is "really" true on her feeling she just rushed it, then fine. But I think there were other motives.

 

Like, a while ago I went on one date with a woman she was tall 6'2" and had on 3" heels. Met up at Biggbys and had blazing conversations. We were talking afterwards, but then she apologized to me. She said that she still has feelings for her ex and she'd feel like she's cheating in him so she don't think it would work. So, I was like okay it's all cool it happens. At least she was straight up about it.

 

Did you ever have a conversation about what you each were looking for for yourselves in terms of dating goals in general? And, unless, you two had actually discussed exclusivity, she should be shopping around . . . that's called "dating".

 

And, yes, she was being honest with herself and you by admitting she wasn't over her ex. She may have "thought" she was and tried to move forward and quickly in order to distract herself from her feelings for her ex. But, usually, the distraction "wears off" and the ability to deflect those feelings can't be maintained. This is what people often do ... they jump very quickly into something new seeking comfort/validation but it doesn't last long.

 

It's best to steer clear of women who are recently out of a relationship. They aren't in a position mentally or emotionally to invest in someone else fully. They are usually flip flopping between trying to move on while stuck in that past relationship. They lie to themselves in a desperate attempt to fill the void until . . . they can't anymore. They need time and lots of it. This applies to men as well.

[WonderKid]

^^^ No I swear we both made it clear it was exclusive, trust me! We even "shook" on it. That's why she brought up how I ostentatiously flirt with other women, but I don't believe so, but she did not want me to so I complied and assured her I wouldn't.

 

If you are talking about the 6'2" lady yeah she was honest. The lady I was with, she was a Latino. What happened to her is she caught her guy cheating. He also had another girl pregnant while they were together--so she left. What supposedly pissed her off is how casual he was about it, like, she should "get over it".

 

Now when we were together (which sounds funny considering how short it was) I wasn't shopping around. I was focusing on her. She wanted exclusivity and I agreed too. When I told her I was staying over my best friend's place (of 20+ yrs) she was like, "Oh okay, thank goodness it isn't a girl".

 

But I just got the ill feeling that she was "talking" to other guys. Her sister does the same thing--talk to multiple guys at a time to not be depressed. I was going to confront her about this, but didn't get to it and by then the breakup talk already happened.

 

I took it serious because I thought she was serious. She confided to me that she easily gets tricked when it comes to dating. She liked me a lot, but wanted to be sure that I wasn't a player.

 

But it seems like the chivalrous and courteous things went right over her head.

Paid for us to eat 3 times (twice was breakfast)

Let her vent when needed

Defended her when her sis tried to make her feel bad

They stay on the 2nd floor of a 4 story building and the dumpster is a couple dozen paces from their place. When her sis brought guys over, they'd walk past the loaded trash bag at the entrance. I'd take it down before I'd leave their place.

When I even gave her a the full body massage because she works out so much, she's self-conscious about her belly. It's nothing wrong with it, but it's not to her liking...which I understand.

When I gave her the massage I even kept the lights on and rubbed her abdomen and gave it a kiss to show that, hey, I'm your guy and it's alright don't feel that bad.

 

Guess in the end that stuff didn't even matter Lol

That's why I said if there is ever a chance of us even trying it again, I'm not reaching out that far again.

[FeelingFireworks]

You sound like a genuine person. Sorry this happened. It's just another learning curve in the dating game and I echo the others with regards to their advice and viewPoints.

 

I've been in your situation. But at this stage vent those feeling anywhere but to her - for one, you're working on reflex emotions and you might say something you may regret or that shows your character in a lesser manner (even if your words come from the heart). So This might be a good time to exercise some self-control and use reflection to learn from the experience.

 

One thing I liked doing when things ended was write a letter addressed to the other person but not send it. Some time later I might actually go back and read or edit it. If the person did get back in touch and I still wanted to give them a piece of my mind, by then sometimes I already had a brief, direct yet calm response ready to send. The message was way more rational/less emotive at that point and when coupled with a sense of indifference, I noticed that that in itself would trigger a certain regret in them.

 

Not saying the aim is to get her to want you, rather that it's good to recognise your emotions so you can allow yourself to ride them out in the best possible way. That way you retain a certain composure so you can examine things more objectively and move on more quickly.

[mrldii]

...

Guess in the end that stuff didn't even matter ...

 

That stuff didn't matter...to her.

 

That's the stuff you do when in you're in a relationship; you were doing these things because you thought you were in a relationship, because you believed her when she said that's what she wanted.

 

She did want a relationship...a relationship to get her through the holidays, so she wouldn't be alone and depressed and have to watch all those Kodak-moment and 'He went to Jarod' ads. She just *forgot* to mention that latter part.

 

You weren't wrong to do those things; you'd only be wrong to continue to those things for/to her,after the relationship is over. Consider the fact that you did them good practice for the girl who DOES want to be in a relationship with you...and means it.

[WonderKid]

You sound like a genuine person. Sorry this happened. It's just another learning curve in the dating game and I echo the others with regards to their advice and viewPoints.

 

I've been in your situation. But at this stage vent those feeling anywhere but to her - for one, you're working on reflex emotions and you might say something you may regret or that shows your character in a lesser manner (even if your words come from the heart). So This might be a good time to exercise some self-control and use reflection to learn from the experience.

 

One thing I liked doing when things ended was write a letter addressed to the other person but not send it. Some time later I might actually go back and read or edit it. If the person did get back in touch and I still wanted to give them a piece of my mind, by then sometimes I already had a brief, direct yet calm response ready to send. The message was way more rational/less emotive at that point and when coupled with a sense of indifference, I noticed that that in itself would trigger a certain regret in them.

 

Not saying the aim is to get her to want you, rather that it's good to recognise your emotions so you can allow yourself to ride them out in the best possible way. That way you retain a certain composure so you can examine things more objectively and move on more quickly.

 

I'll actually try that out. Like write it in my laptop or something. The editing part sounds interesting too. I admit I was upset about the whole thing and I still am--when I look back on the things I did--no one can't say I didn't try. It's funny because I usually write or draw to express other feelings, never have I done them to express a breakup or dating outcome. Thanks.