Peachland Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I'm back dating after the end of a 6 month relationship last month. My goal for dating in 2016 is to not have sex too early. In the past, I would have it by the 3rd or 4th date if I was sexually attracted to a guy. Even if I wanted to delay I would usually go with the flow and have sex. Now I would like to wait at least 6-8 weeks to get to know the man better and manage my emotions. I know I could insist on public dates but it doesn't seem reasonable to do so for 6 weeks. Any tips on delaying sex without coming across as a tease?
mrldii Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 Sure. When appropriate, say to the guy, "In the past, I have found that I have begun getting too intimate too quickly and it has led to problems in the relationship, later on. Because of this, I'd be comfortable waiting to become intimate with you until we know each other...like say, for a couple of months. Are you OK with this?" Then listen to his answer. If he's not OK with it, he's not the guy for you. If he says he IS OK with it, and then uses every available opportunity to *try* to pressure you into changing your mind, then he's not the guy for you. Oh, and if you do this AND then don't allow things (including yourself) to get too heated, there would be no legitimate reason for a man to call/think you "a tease". Keep in mind, though...some men will call a woman "a tease", simply because they didn't get what they wanted. Again, a guy who will do this, is NOT the guy for you. Best of luck to you, OP... 5
testmeasure Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 (edited) At what point would you want, ask for or expect exclusivity? I haven't ever dated much, but mostly because I spent most of my life in long term relationships. Come to think of it, I think I've only ever dated 6 people. But 3 of them resulted in relationships that were 5 years or longer. Two of them resulted in relationships that lasted two or three weeks. One of them was a single date. I'm a guy, and I've always wanted exclusivity early and first. In my limited experience once I had exclusivity, I was comfortable with waiting but it also didn't feel like there was any point in waiting. So it happened whenever she was comfortable. I'd be ok with your policy. But I probably wouldn't want to wait that long for exclusivity. In fact, it would have saved me from being intimate in the 2 relationships that only lasted two or three weeks. Which in the scheme of things was just an unnecessary risk. Others might have the opposite reaction. If you're going to wait 8 weeks, they might want to be able to keep dating and also getting to know others during that time. How would you react to that? I don't think I could ever date multiple people at a time. I don't think any of the 6 people I dated ever dated anyone else once we started dating. The idea of being 2 months into getting to know someone and them still dating around would drive me bonkers. . Edited January 12, 2016 by testmeasure 1
Author Peachland Posted January 12, 2016 Author Posted January 12, 2016 If you're going to wait 8 weeks, they might want to be able to keep dating and also getting to know others during that time. How would you react to that? The idea of being 2 months into getting to know someone and them still dating around would drive me bonkers. . I need to think about this. My gut reaction is that I would want to be in an exclusive relationship after a month or so. I know I personally couldn't handle multi dating after a few weeks. I am dating 2 people right now and it's early days but I am starting to feel really uncomfortable. I don't think I'm cut out for it.
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