LookAtThisPOst Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I'm also noticing that the longer a woman is on a dating site, the more of an axe to grind/attitude they start to have. They start updating their profiles, nothing their frustrations. I noticed one say, " I noticed that some profiles that say, 'you're not into games or drama' seriously, why would anyone PUT that in a profile? If you feel the need to put that in your profile, please do not contact me!" They even start to sound rather bitter in their write-ups for the amount of time they've been onthe site. They update it like a Facebook status. lol
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I'm also noticing that the longer a woman is on a dating site, the more of an axe to grind/attitude they start to have. They start updating their profiles, nothing their frustrations. I noticed one say, " I noticed that some profiles that say, 'you're not into games or drama' seriously, why would anyone PUT that in a profile? If you feel the need to put that in your profile, please do not contact me!" They even start to sound rather bitter in their write-ups for the amount of time they've been onthe site. They update it like a Facebook status. lol I understand what you're saying and will agree to some degree however unless you've been at the receiving end you can't possibly imagine how annoying it can be. I have been known to add disclaimers similar to this. In fact, I just put one on yesterday that said something to the effect that I'm not into playing games so please don't message me if your intentions aren't honorable. That was only AFTER my inbox was overflowing with a variety of wildly inappropriate messages, propositions as well as having moved onto KIK with a few I thought were decent only to realize these guys had no interest in anything other than demanding a picture of me in a wet t-shirt I'm about as far from being a prude as a woman can be, trust me BUT I'm on a dating site for a reason; to meet and date eligible men. Seems simple enough. You want to play around? Then at least have the decency to get to me first and buy me a drink Is that too much to ask? I don't blame women (or men) who feel a need to put some kind disclaimer on their profile. Then again, most men don't even read profiles so perhaps it's an act in futility 1
Mikau Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 The problem with those disclaimers is that they put the good guys off (because it sounds like drama waiting to happen) whereas the *******s either won't read then or straight up ignore them. All you're doing adding disclaimers is lowering your own chances of finding that good guy. 2
TheArtist Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I have been known to add disclaimers similar to this. In fact, I just put one on yesterday that said something to the effect that I'm not into playing games so please don't message me if your intentions aren't honorable. It is unbalanced for sure, as I don't think angry or overly sexual messages would really happen to a guy from a girl, but then you can't change people. I have to admit those disclaimers don't bother me unless they are the first thing on the profile. They are quite often written in upper case letters and look quite angry, and rightly so, but it does put me off reading further. The reverse psychology thing comes in to play too. 'Put your litter in a bin'. Litter is then scattered around the bin. Some of these guys are presumably seeing women in a similar way to porn sites, that they can just ask them to do anything they wish and the girl will do it. There have always been creeps throughout history though so I could be wrong. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 It is unbalanced for sure, as I don't think angry or overly sexual messages would really happen to a guy from a girl, but then you can't change people. I have to admit those disclaimers don't bother me unless they are the first thing on the profile. They are quite often written in upper case letters and look quite angry, and rightly so, but it does put me off reading further. Some of these guys are presumably seeing women in a similar way to porn sites, that they can just ask them to do anything they wish and the girl will do it. There have always been creeps throughout history though so I could be wrong. Agreed. I have never put any disclaimer in caps as that would come across as too aggressive and I know better. Again, I don't always do it but sometimes I do it just to see what will happen. And you know what? Pretty much nothing changes, LOL. I have been known to direct these men to other more appropriate sites that would suit their needs much better. Some of them have even thanked me Live and learn 1
Author thecrucible Posted January 13, 2016 Author Posted January 13, 2016 OP, if you're doing this because people think you need to be with some guy, or because you want to fit in with your friends, then I wouldn't bother. Some of your friends will probably be divorced in a few years anyway. People love to make you think that they live in married bliss when they're actually on the verge of falling apart. Never trust people when it comes to their marriages. I understand the comments about just ignoring the bad guys in those sites, but I personally found it incredibly negative and disheartening. That's why I stopped. If you really want to be with someone, then I'd still recommend the paid sites. As far as craigslist, that sounds like pure trouble to me. I suppose the thing is that my friends and other people just make me more aware of it. I'm not looking to please them but it just brings it to the fore for me when they talk about that kind of thing. For instance one of them gave me a copy of Cosmo today and one of the the main headlines on the front page was "Why am I still single?". I wonder if this is coincidence or they are trying to send me a message of some kind. I don't genuinely let these guys online get to me but it's just the general sense of being surrounded by negativity which I don't like; and also the fact that I know in the back of my mind that it's not the real world and I wonder sometimes if I concentrate too much on online dating and not enough on meeting a new guy in person (it's just where to find him!). At the weekend, I'm going to spend a few hours planning my social calendar and see if there's any new stuff I can join. I had a look at meetup.com last night but there are no meet-up groups in my small town. There are ones nearby which mainly meet in the evening and I'm worried about the cost of travel to attend the group but I will sign up and perhaps attend the odd meet-up.
Author thecrucible Posted January 13, 2016 Author Posted January 13, 2016 The problem with those disclaimers is that they put the good guys off (because it sounds like drama waiting to happen) whereas the *******s either won't read then or straight up ignore them. All you're doing adding disclaimers is lowering your own chances of finding that good guy. I think you take a risk with a disclaimer. Certain disclaimers have put me off, such as one that I saw on a man's profile which said "I will not date a woman who weighs over 10 stone". I am not objecting just because I happen to be over 10 stone (everyone has their preferences) but it's the shallowness of it I don't like; and the sheer ignorance as people carry their weight differently and people with a lot of muscle tone can weigh more and look slimmer. A friend of mine used disclaimers and it didn't stop her from a finding a guy who she will soon be marrying. Maybe there is an art to it?
Omei Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 Oh gosh yes if im not interested or even if I havent responded fast enough ive gotten super long winded hate msgs its totally uncalled for sometimes ill msg back and say "umadbro" or "thanks for letting me know I made the best choice" because theyre crazy. I wonder what part of rejection drives a person to that level when im rejected I dont think twice about it something is wrong with those people just be glad you see how they are upfront.
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 Agreed. I have never put any disclaimer in caps as that would come across as too aggressive and I know better. Again, I don't always do it but sometimes I do it just to see what will happen. And you know what? Pretty much nothing changes, LOL. I have been known to direct these men to other more appropriate sites that would suit their needs much better. Some of them have even thanked me Live and learn I can understand...but let me ask you this, when women put "Don't email me if you....<insert commonly seen reason as seen on dating profiles across the site>, is that going to prevent them from emailing you? lol To honest, I think it's more like a self-eating watermelon I can explain why men don't read or perhaps scan the profiles with their eyes... Picture this, if you will, "Blah blah blah, looking for partner in crime...yadda, yadda yadda...work hard play hard....etc etc etc...don't sweat the small stuff....looking for a man with a sense of humor....blah blah blah...a man who can make me laugh...etc. etc. etc...cheaters need not apply (sometimes that one is in all CAPS) lol...and so on." Then they stop, think "Yep, sounds just like the others" and then proceed to just copy and paste their "Hello" template your direction. LOL It's a beast that's self-perpetuating. There was a time some men, even me...would be discerning by carefully reading profiles thoroughly back in the early days of online dating. But when they started getting no responses from women who were obviously good matches, that's when the aforementioned started transitioning its way in. 1
katiegrl Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 They're still on there. You just have to filter, filter, filter and then filter some more. I delete 95% of the messages I get. Don't engage with nonsense. The guys new to OLD are your best bet.....although not sure how you would know that. But what's going I think is that so many men who've been doing OLD for awhile and had no success have become so bitter and angry at women...hence why they aggressively lash out if they don't hear back within some self-imposed timeframe or if a woman isn't interested. They should take a break from it obviously ....but then again have probably become a bit addicted to it as well. It's a big problem!
utman Posted January 13, 2016 Posted January 13, 2016 Do any of you guys ever experience abuse from guys who've messaged you online? It really makes me worried about meeting people in person. Out of all the men I've met from online dating, only two have turned out to be relatively normal and potential dating material (and I do vet them). It really makes you despair. For instance the latest message in my inbox from Friday went like this: Friday 3.39am - "Hi how's it going? xx" Friday 11.24am (same guy) - "Well **** u u ugly skank" This online dating stuff is just getting too much for me. yet he caught your attention. when guys receive trash it's delete. when girls do she gets intrigued
Author thecrucible Posted January 14, 2016 Author Posted January 14, 2016 yet he caught your attention. when guys receive trash it's delete. when girls do she gets intrigued I got sufficiently intrigued to block him and report him to the site.
SwordofFlame Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 This is one reason why some women prefer dating apps like Tinder or Bumble. You have to swipe right on the guy first before he can message you or send the first message in the latter app.
sweet honeydew Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 I think I'm going to have to go for the paid ones. I was resisting it because people say the free ones are just as good but I may as well give it a go. The paid site appears to be better but the men on it just are better at hiding. you still need to be careful. Don't be surprised people changed after 2-3 dates. That said, I don't think you should let the fear stopping you. Men (and women) online are less behaved than real life because they can get away with it. They are the same people you meet day to day, who keeps their true self hidden better. Wherever you go, there are good people and there are mean people. (just think back highschool) All you can control is yourself. Take some risks, protect yourself physically AND emotionally, then go live your best life!!
HereNorThere Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 If you go out and apply for 30 jobs and got 10 offers, would you be upset if one of them was a low paying janitorial position, a couple were mid salary stable corporate jobs and another happened to be a 6 figure salary with a really great company? I personally would be greatful for all of the offers even if I wasn't interested. It's so easy to block someone, it's hard no think that women don't secretly enjoy the creepy messages because it validates the idea that they most guys are creeps. If you think getting too many jobs offers is bad, imagine having a great resume and getting no offers. That's what online is dating for most people. The average looking woman here is getting more messages in one day than the most attractive men get in months. Of course some of them are going to be crappy, but that's still nothing compared to the feeling of getting zero responses when you are obviously attractive in real life.
Toodaloo Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 it's hard no think that women don't secretly enjoy the creepy messages because it validates the idea that they most guys are creeps. Most guys are not creeps but then most guys are also in relationships and not on OLD! Don't forget that dating, especially OLD gives a very skewed perspective of what the world is really like. Its like the news. Rarely do we hear the good but the papers, TV and internet are full of the bad... So we assume its all bad. Reality is that its not and far from it.
Recommended Posts