feelymcfeel Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Long story short... girl (26) and i (28) been out on a couple of dates, all gone really well, loads in common, had a great laugh, she stayed at mine after second date (no sex, but shared a bed). She said she told herself to be good by not putting out and said 'i guess it means i must like you. if we had sex i'd be worried that you wouldn't see me again.' we organised a date for the following weekend where she'd come to mine, we'd make food together and watch a film. Midweek, she was supposed to come see me, but didn't because of some mental stuff that happened at her gym with some guy getting violent and threatening her, but she called me, we spoke for an hour and maintained saturday was on. Then she got sick. We DMed on Friday, with saturday being left in the balance due to her health, so i said, well if you're too ill, perhaps i could come to yours for a bit as i've been looking forward to seeing you all week. Cue weirdness. She said I started sounding like a completely different person and she was put off coming round even if she was feeling well. I naturally apologised and said i was probably trying a bit too hard, because I didn't want to **** it up. She then sends me this: "Sorry I went quiet... in a ****e mood and didn't want to say anything that was fueled by **** mood. Feel alot better today just drained. What you end up doing last night? I dunno just feel abit weird now. Just don't think I should feel like this at this stage but do understand I get scared off easy so I am bearing that in mind x" i replied saying i dont want to scare you off or feel weird, so i'll back off for a bit and you can think things through at your own pace. What the hell happened? Considering we'd been reasonably intimate, she'd told me she liked me, she knows i like her, we got on really well and seemed to suit each other, how did it go so tits up so quickly?
ExpatInItaly Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Her response to your suggestion of visiting her while sick was a little strange and weirdly defensive. It doesn't sound like you were being pushy and you were well-intentioned; she easily could have politely declined saying she wasn't up for it. I think she was probably with someone else.
StBreton Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 OP: We DMed on Friday, with saturday being left in the balance due to her health, so i said, well if you're too ill, perhaps i could come to yours for a bit as i've been looking forward to seeing you all week. Cue weirdness. IMHO...you don't know each other well enough to play nursemaid to each other...that's rather a "couple"/more intimate kind of behavior. If she was feeling really sick, you're going to her house was all about YOU...personally, when I'm sick, I just want to be left alone. Maybe she thought it inappropriate that you broached the idea and felt you were invading her personal space...at this early point in the relationship. If she processes this and can let it go, she may come around. She may think overall that your behavior is not to her liking. Hope it works out for you:) Healthy boundaries in the beginning of a relationship are a good thing. 1
smackie9 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 A) never crawl into bed with a woman unless sex is on the table. You turned into someones cuddle bich for the night instead. B) when the excuses start flowing in, that's your cue to cut your losses and bail.
StBreton Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Was trying to add this but couldn't: Kudos to you OP for expressing you overstepped and your reason for doing so...and giving her space. I wouldn't expect her to come back but anything is possible.
Author feelymcfeel Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 OP: We DMed on Friday, with saturday being left in the balance due to her health, so i said, well if you're too ill, perhaps i could come to yours for a bit as i've been looking forward to seeing you all week. Cue weirdness. IMHO...you don't know each other well enough to play nursemaid to each other...that's rather a "couple"/more intimate kind of behavior. If she was feeling really sick, you're going to her house was all about YOU...personally, when I'm sick, I just want to be left alone. Maybe she thought it inappropriate that you broached the idea and felt you were invading her personal space...at this early point in the relationship. If she processes this and can let it go, she may come around. She may think overall that your behavior is not to her liking. Hope it works out for you:) Healthy boundaries in the beginning of a relationship are a good thing. That's the only place I can think where i cocked it up. Understood and chalked up to experience. She does have a t-shirt of mine though, that I kinda want back.
allez102 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 That's the only place I can think where i cocked it up. Understood and chalked up to experience. She does have a t-shirt of mine though, that I kinda want back. From a female perspective, I think 1 of 2 things happened here. Either, she wasn't ill but she was making excuses (presumably because she isn't that into you/isn't sure?) and so got defensive when you offered to come round... OR, in all fairness, if I was ill in bed and a new love interest who I fancied offered to come over, I would definitely not want them to! I would be way too embarrassed as you're both new to each other and in the stage of trying to impress each other. So I wouldn't want him to see me in an ill state if that makes sense!? 1
Robratory Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 That's the only place I can think where i cocked it up. Understood and chalked up to experience. She does have a t-shirt of mine though, that I kinda want back. No, you didn't screw up. Perhaps asking to visit her when she was sick was not the best idea, but it's not like you mooned her mom or anything like that. It shouldn't be an instant death kind of thing with normal people. Her reaction really wasn't reasonable. A reasonable reaction would have been to decline politely and make nothing of it. I agree not to be anybody's cuddle pal. That comment about how she gets scared off easily could the beginning of letting you down easily, or it could be real. If it's real, it's actually worse because now you're dealing with someone with issues. Don't play into that. Don't apologize and don't get into a cycle of endlessly trying to reassure her. She either wants to play ball or she doesn't. In general, try hard not to get so invested by a second date that you care. Just watch and learn.
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