Mugen Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 I've seen a lot on here lately about this. Just curious to see what LS views as healthy boundaries for orbiters and flirting while in relationships. I know that most boundaries are depending on what couples are comfortable with, so I'd like to know yours and maybe some insights as to why you feel they are healthy boundaries. I'm a man. As a man, I tend to only be friends with girls who are in relationships while I am in one. Granted, I could have friends who become single in that time, in which case, I let history decide and whether or not I've ever been attracted to that girl. However, I'll flirt with girls who are strangers in a respectful fun way, but at any time if she makes an advance, I'll decline and stop flirting with her. I also mention I have a girlfriend up front so they know. If any girl pines for me (rarely, lol) I'd probably avoid her to so she could get over it. I don't know if I'd stop being friends with someone at the request of my partner though. I feel that she would need to trust me that nothing will be a problem. How do you feel?
smackie9 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 I had a BF that was a flirt. It never bother me but it disrupted some relationships between my friends and their BFs, because he flirted with them. You have to watch yourself on what level, and type of flirting you do. Sometimes it's just not appropriate. If you end up with women pining for you, you have gone too far.
Alamo657 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 I've seen a lot on here lately about this. Just curious to see what LS views as healthy boundaries for orbiters and flirting while in relationships. I know that most boundaries are depending on what couples are comfortable with, so I'd like to know yours and maybe some insights as to why you feel they are healthy boundaries. I'm a man. As a man, I tend to only be friends with girls who are in relationships while I am in one. Granted, I could have friends who become single in that time, in which case, I let history decide and whether or not I've ever been attracted to that girl. However, I'll flirt with girls who are strangers in a respectful fun way, but at any time if she makes an advance, I'll decline and stop flirting with her. I also mention I have a girlfriend up front so they know. If any girl pines for me (rarely, lol) I'd probably avoid her to so she could get over it. I don't know if I'd stop being friends with someone at the request of my partner though. I feel that she would need to trust me that nothing will be a problem. How do you feel? There can't be a friendship where there is desire. But the desire is never clearly laid out if one of both parties is already in a relationship, and people will "wait on the side" so to speak until "their turn" comes. During that time, they will try to create a connection with the object of their desire to prepare for the time when that person is available. This often involves secret phone/facebook conversations about their private lives, because they know deep inside that what they are doing by sharing personal info with someone other than your partner, is the basis for an emotionnal relationship, which can in turns degenerate into a romantical/physical one. Also not everyone is made from the same mold. Some people need the attention from others so badly that they are never satisfied with their relationship. They need reassurance, they need to feel wanted by many people, they need to feel validated by more than one person, they are bored in their relationships, they lack sex... etc The crux of the problem is anyone labelling someone from the opposite sex who has not proven to be a "friend of the relationship", as a "friend" to your partner, to disguise the fact that they ar emore than that, or rather, they could be. Social medias, smartphones make all of this commonplace now, since anyone can be in contact at anytime, there is no more physical and time limit to the privacy. All this hiding and false pretense about men/women friendship is bound to put a strain on any relationship, because when you turn to someone other than your partner or same-sex friend for emotional support, you're on the highway to adultery, or breakup. my 2 cents 1
Wewon Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 I've never had a problem with male/female friendships, in and of themselves, regardless of relationship status. I'm also not naive and fully can see the potential problems. The problem with orbiters and such is very rarely cheating (depending on the maturity level) its more that they tend to opportunistically destabilize the relationship. Since they are not officially "part" of the relationship, they will often fan flames, validate poor positions, or otherwise try to make the SO look bad, usually in one aspect, of the relationship. My wife has a cousin that was having some marital problems. He had a female friend at work that could be called an orbiter. When he and his wife had an argument, he would confide in the friend who completely took his side. His wife was too busy to cook (they had 4 small kids) his friend would bring him home cooked meals for lunch. You get the picture. She was essentially making the wife look bad by competing with her at the worse moments without any of the handicaps or obstacles of a full relationship. 2
Alamo657 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 She was essentially making the wife look bad by competing with her at the worse moments without any of the handicaps or obstacles of a full relationship. That's a very short and accurate description of an "orbiter". Thanks !
carhill Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Ha, since I'm single, my family's dead and life is short at my age, and basically I don't care anymore, I have as much fun with ladies as they please, with my only boundary being sexual involvement. Surprisingly, plenty imbibe. The key is not investing in it and not going out of the way for it. If circumstances present interactions, OK. Otherwise, it's solitude and personal projects of living. TBH, I don't look for wedding rings anymore. An orbiter would be one who purposely remains in the milieu thinking things will go his (or her) way one day. BTDT many years ago. Emotional suck. Pass.
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