camarynda Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 I've been doing the internet dating thing for a few months now and I don't know if it's just me but I find the following most frustrating. I'll respond to a guy's ad or he'll respond to mine - and we'll begin to mail back and forth. Very often they'll offer me their phone number almost instantly, prefering to talk on the phone I guess. I have a problem with this, because most often I can't tell enough from their ad to know whether they're really someone I'd *want* to even talk on the phone with. A lot of times their ads are very vague and general. I like to at least start off knowing basics - things I like/want to know off the bat are: ever been married? kids? what do you do for a living and do you enjoy what you do? what part of the city do you live in? date much? did you grow up around here? any pets? do you live with roommates or alone? (you'd be surprised how many men admit they still live with an ex so it's a good question to ask), etc. Some guys, like one I've just met tonight - they drive me nuts. I don't bombard them with 20 questions off the bat but I do tell them I'd like to know a bit more about them and that they're free to ask me anything they want...but I do ask a few questions at a time. What does it mean when a guy seems to consistently ignore the questions I ask? I grow very impatient and disinterested when it seems I'm trying to pull the answers out of them - even to simply questions like what do you do for a living? what are your interests? any sports you like? Do these guys just not read carefully and they're missing the questions or is it just that they don't like to type? It's usually these types who want to immediately talk on the phone when I ask these basic questions. That's a turn-off to me. How do I know if I want to talk on the phone with them if I don't even know the basics? I mean, I'm not some desperate woman who will just talk on the phone to any stranger out there. I ask very general questions, it's not like I'm asking them for their home address or the name of their employer! I try to be sure not to ask something that might cause them to feel uncomfortable - but man, they immediately are passing me their phone number. I then try to explain that I'm cautious and discerning and I need to know "the basics" first, before I want to talk - but most don't "get it." Am I being difficult? I also like to ask questions because I think their answers can be quite telling in terms of how they're able to articulate themselves, their spelling/grammar, how forthcoming they are (or not), what questions they might avoid or be very vague in answering. What do you think? Does anyone else find this? (men or women) I generally don't want to feel like I'm "pulling teeth" when trying to learn the basics about a guy and when I find myself asking the same questions again because they didn't answer them 2 e-mails before, I just give up and move on. I need someone who's forthcoming and bright.
upsetnhurt Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 Hey there, Women are even worse when it comes to sharing about themselves online. I have written questions just like yourself and have always received one-liners back saying "How are you today?", "Had a good weekend?", etc. I get the sense that these folks are simply holding you to the side as they have picked out the ones that they particularly want to meet. For men I believe talking on the phone simply shows an interest from the woman to at least consider moving forward and in giving the man a chance to show his true personality. With emails it is quite difficult to do.
moimeme Posted June 5, 2005 Posted June 5, 2005 I like to at least start off knowing basics - things I like/want to know off the bat are: ever been married? kids? what do you do for a living and do you enjoy what you do? what part of the city do you live in? date much? did you grow up around here? any pets? do you live with roommates or alone? (you'd be surprised how many men admit they still live with an ex so it's a good question to ask), etc. I don't know what sites you're on, but most of the ones I've looked at include much of that information in the profiles. I'd be sure not to ask redundant questions. Other than that, it's important to be able to communicate with someone and I think being able to communicate in writing - at least a bit - is important. You seem to think so, too, so drop the ones who can't seem to answer questions and find a guy who will.
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