Can't shake the feeling

[GlobeTrotter9]

Hi there,

 

My girlfriend of three years broke up with me out of the blue in early December and was with somebody else within 5 days (have a look at my first thread if you want more detail). I thought I'd been making good progress in the last couple of weeks but lately I feel like I've taken 10 steps backwards again.

 

After we broke up I had great support from friends and family and kept myself busy over the christmas holidays seeing friends and getting out. I thought I was definitely over the worst of it and came back to university with a fresh outlook on the whole situation. But all of a sudden in this last week or so I'm right back at square one again and I have no idea why! I think about her all the time and I can't even kid myself anyone that I don't want her back because given the chance I almost certainly would. I mean this girl truly broke my heart but I can't just stop loving her.

 

I run into her every now and again because we live close by and every time it happens she's on my mind for the rest of the day. Little things set me off too like if a song we listened to together comes on or I walk past a place we went for a date. I feel like everything I'm doing right now is revolving around trying to get her to notice me again like hitting the gym harder than ever and acting like I'm over it by going out a lot. I've tried casual dates too but for some reason I still feel guilty as hell going on them even though I know there isn't really any reason to. I'm angry that I can't just accept its over and move on like she seems to have done so quickly and easily. All these weeks down the line and I just feel completely empty like a huge part of me is still missing.

 

I know that moving on is the right thing to do but the logical side of my brain is telling me one thing and the heartbroken side is telling me another. I just don't really know how I can power through this anymore. I want to speak to her more than ever and tell her all of these things but I know it will be pointless considering she's now pretty serious with this other guy. This whole ordeal is slowing eating me away.

Edited January 11, 2016 by GlobeTrotter9

[bunk]

I'm right there along side you. Going through pretty much the same exact thing since mid November. At first every day lasted a week. And I'd love to say that I'm already over her, but I'm not. At first it was maybe "I'm okay, yeah, I'll be okay," for about an hour, then for the rest of the day it hurt just to breathe.

 

I haven't made too much progress, I tried reaching out to her a few times, hoping I could somehow shoehorn myself back into her life, build some sort of attraction, and wedge the new guy out of her life. You know, like in all of those YouTube videos, dating advice blogs, articles and books. But that stuff just doesn't work, at least not in my situation, and I imagine hardly any others.

 

Lately, I'm fine for 4 days or so, depressed as all hell for maybe 3-5 hours, and then fine again. Not great, not perfect, but it's something. And I'm noticing the timespans are shifting to where I'm okay more and more. Does it still hurt when it hurts? Hell yeah. Does it still hurt when the tiniest, stupidest **** reminds me of her, things that clearly existed well before either of us did like olives or hairpins? Yep. But I'm getting better and better at distracting myself from the pain, sucker punching my stomach like some kinda Sith chump with super daddy issues.

 

I know none of this sounds inspirational at all, but, what I'm trying to say is I completely understand your pains, struggles and woes. And it might not seem like it now, and it won't seem like it for a while, but it does get better. It's not an instant process like some of your friends will insist, not at all. Everyone is different, take as much time as you need to move on and get over her. Don't rush yourself, you'll just end up hurting yourself and quite possibly somebody else as well.

[smudge21]

Sounds like you're trying to force yourself to heal rather than accepting that it takes time. It's like falling in love, it just happens. Falling out of love is the same, you can't speed it up. You simply carry on doing whatever you want to do to take your mind off things, but don't go beating yourself up because you haven't healed yet. It took me nearly a year before I could honestly say I felt nothing for her anymore.

 

 

Do things for you, not for what you think she'd like. She's gone and as hard as that is to read, it is the truth. You have to remember that when a dumper ends the relationship, they've already ended the love for you long before they told you. So to them, there are no feelings at that point, whereas for a dumpee it's all instant and sudden. We just have to deal with it best we can. It does get better though, but only through time. Seeing an ex occasionally will never help but eventually you'll be in a better, happier state of mind and able to move on. But don't think you can make it happen quicker or feel guilty that you aren't over someone yet. We all heal in different ways and different times.

[Nickr3023]

Hi there,

 

My girlfriend of three years broke up with me out of the blue in early December and was with somebody else within 5 days (have a look at my first thread if you want more detail). I thought I'd been making good progress in the last couple of weeks but lately I feel like I've taken 10 steps backwards again.

 

After we broke up I had great support from friends and family and kept myself busy over the christmas holidays seeing friends and getting out. I thought I was definitely over the worst of it and came back to university with a fresh outlook on the whole situation. But all of a sudden in this last week or so I'm right back at square one again and I have no idea why! I think about her all the time and I can't even kid myself anyone that I don't want her back because given the chance I almost certainly would. I mean this girl truly broke my heart but I can't just stop loving her.

 

I run into her every now and again because we live close by and every time it happens she's on my mind for the rest of the day. Little things set me off too like if a song we listened to together comes on or I walk past a place we went for a date. I feel like everything I'm doing right now is revolving around trying to get her to notice me again like hitting the gym harder than ever and acting like I'm over it by going out a lot. I've tried casual dates too but for some reason I still feel guilty as hell going on them even though I know there isn't really any reason to. I'm angry that I can't just accept its over and move on like she seems to have done so quickly and easily. All these weeks down the line and I just feel completely empty like a huge part of me is still missing.

 

I know that moving on is the right thing to do but the logical side of my brain is telling me one thing and the heartbroken side is telling me another. I just don't really know how I can power through this anymore. I want to speak to her more than ever and tell her all of these things but I know it will be pointless considering she's now pretty serious with this other guy. This whole ordeal is slowing eating me away.

 

Feel your pain man, I'm going through the same exact thing. Broke up in mid November and all of a sudden I feel like I've gone completely backwards. I broke no contact about a month ago. Survived going to her house and seeing her. Survived Christmas, and New Years. The her birthday was last week and for some reason that was what set me into a tailspin. I have no idea why. I'm just like you with the logical/emotional brain issue. Logically I know the relationship wasn't that great and she ended up cheating on me so I should have anger inside of me, but unfortunately the emotional side always overtakes my thoughts and I can only remember the good times which sends me spiraling. I wish you the best of luck. I've started counseling and it's started to help me understand what's going on in my head, and I'd recommend it if you have insurance or can afford to do it.